Please Help – Send a letter to Governor Cuomo – Certificate of Still Birth Bill

With this bill the state recognizes stillbirth as a significant event that others can recognize.  Read below for more information.

If you can send the below snail mail letter, it would be very much appreciated!  If you forward to others, please stress that this is the only letter that can be sent to the Governor – no changes, no exceptions. Thank you!!!

 We have one last request to ask of you. We need letters mailed to Governor Cuomo. Lots of letters.

Below is the letter to use.  Those close to the Governor have strongly urged us to use this form letter, rather than write letters of support using personal stories. Our bill has unfairly been drawn into the pro-choice/life debate and we have made some concessions this year that has enabled it to pass both houses.

 

We can’t take any chances. We have one opportunity to let the Governor know how important this bill is. If he vetos the bill, we will need to start all over in January.

 

Once the Governor signs the bill into law, we will encourage you to write your own thank you note and share your stories, then. But for now, please only use the form letter below.

ENVELOPE:

Address and mail to: Kristin Ross, Legislative Secretary, Capitol Room 239, Albany NY 12224

On lower left corner of envelope write: “A.8178a / S.3111b In Support of Certificate of Still Birth”

LETTER:

 

[DATE]

 

Honorable Andrew M. Cuomo
Governor, State of New York
The Capitol
Albany, NY 12224

Dear Governor Cuomo,

On June 16^th the New York legislature overwhelmingly passed a bill to provide a Certificate of Still Birth. Bills A.8178a & S.3111b help provide much-needed comfort, dignity, and documentation to women and their families who have experienced the tragedy of stillbirth. This public health crisis devastates more than 1,700 New York families each year, and nearly 30,000 nationwide.

 

In [YEAR], I [my sister, my aunt, my brother, my friend, etc] suffered the stillbirth of my [son/daughter/grandchild/niece/nephew, etc] and saw family, friends and colleagues struggle to find words of comfort. With this bill the state recognizes stillbirth as a significant event that others can recognize.

 

All states, including New York, require the family to pay for funeral and burial or cremation expenses, and a death certificate is issued. Although a fetal demise is considered as both a birth and a death as per NYS Public Health law, until now New York did not consider the option of a Certificate of Still Birth.

 

This bill will increase awareness of stillbirth, and in doing so may stimulate the allotment of research funds to uncover the etiologies of stillbirth, most of which are unknown at this time. With more information, women and families will be better prepared to maintain healthy pregnancies.

 

I strongly urge your support of Assembly bill A.8178a and Senate bill S.3111b. Thank you in advance for helping countless New York families who have experienced stillbirth and are eagerly awaiting your support as the bill is signed into law.

 

Sincerely,

 

Name – Address – Phone

 

 

 

Father’s Day, Miscarriage & Grieving For Men

Father’s Day (June 19th) is coming up this weekend.  Celebrating often includes BBQs, baseball and families getting together.  But what happens if you are the man  & your wife/partner has suffered a miscarriage.  You may not be in the spirit to celebrate.  And that is OK.

Going with your gut instinct and doing (or not doing) what feels right for you on that day is what you should do.  Only by being true to yourself about your feelings toward celebrating Father’s Day will you be able to heal.  On our blog on June 7th we gave some suggestions on how to help get through the day – https://ourhopeplace.wordpress.com/

We would also like to include a link to Our Hope Place (www.OurHopePlace.com) where we have an expert talk about “Men, Women, Miscarriage & Grieving Styles” – we hope this helps – (see link below for complete information and chart)

Men, Women, Miscarriage And Grieving Styles
By: Paula Levy

Miscarriage is an emotional and confusing time for most couples.  There are few societal rituals for grieving for a miscarriage and the depth of this pain is not well recognized in our culture.   In addition, couples have little or no physical existence of their child (pictures, toys, memories) and therefore it becomes difficult for them to validate their loss in the usual ways.  Add to this mix the
fact that women and men usually grieve differently which can cause miscommunication, hurt and disappointment between them.  As a result, a mother and father can have vastly different reactions to a miscarriage.  In many cases, the mother doesn’t understand why her husband is not experiencing significant grief and the father doesn’t understand why his wife is so
devastated.  This can have profound implications for the marriage.

http://www.ourhopeplace.com/PaulaLevyExpert.html

Please let us know if you have a special way of celebrating Father’s Day after your miscarriage.

 

Thanks Oprah – you made me a better woman & mom

I have watched Oprah for many years – some shows I agreed with, others I did not finish watching and still some gave me my own “ah ha” moment.  After 25 years I wanted to say to Oprah – “Thank you for making me a better woman & mom.”

The top 4 things I remember about all those shows as told in my own words – meaning what I took away from the show:

1) Don’t hold a grudge – Oprah told a story about how she had a disagreement with a friend and Oprah was holding a grudge.  She talked about all the energy and time she spent thinking about the disagreement and this person until one day she saw that person “skipdeedee doing” down the street.  Oprah realized at that moment that her friend was not wasting time thinking of Oprah but had moved on.  It was only Oprah who had given that friend all the power by letting the disagreement take up her thoughts and brain power that could have been used for something more useful.

2) Oprah always quotes Glinda the Good Witch from the Wizard of Oz – “You have always had the power” with the actual quote being from Answers.com –‘You’ve always had the power to go back to Kansas’ is the quote from Glinda the Good Witch about Dorothy Gale knowing all along what to do.

I think of this quote often as a mom, wife, daughter, friend & co-worker –  when I get “stuck” in life – whether I am trying to make a decision, get through a bad day or challenge myself with something new.  I realize the “power” is always inside of me -I just have to have the courage to grab it and go.

3) Mom stories – Oprah in her 25 years has had a lot of moms on the show – moms who inspired me, moms who went public with their embarrassing moments as a mom or moms who made me cry (tears of joy or sadness).    I thank Oprah and all those moms who made my life a little sweeter and sometimes easier because of the stories they told – but mostly thanks for letting me feel not alone in my quest to be the best mom (& woman) I can be.

4) “Take your pain and turn it into power”  an Oprah quote- one of the reasons that Our Hope Place (www.OurHopePlace.com) exists.   I believe that when something devastating happens to you (like a miscarriage) it helps to take that pain and channel it into something that will help others.  Once you see how you can help others, your pain lessens a little at a time and you feel empowered.

Have you learned anything from Oprah??? – let us know.

 

Catching Up With Miscarriage

Over the holidays I had a chance to catch up with a bunch of reality shows that I don’t always get to watch.  I am not the biggest fan of reality TV for many reason but I give a thumbs up to  “Giuliana & Bill” on MyStyle.com – “Once upon a time, E! News anchor Giuliana DePandi and Apprentice winner Bill Rancic fell in love, got married and settled down…in Chicago and L.A.! So what happens when they try to bring a baby into their real-life romantic comedy?” (http://www.mystyle.com/mystyle/shows/giulianaandbill/index.jsp)

The episodes I watched dealt with the couple going through IVF, finding out they were pregnant and then they miscarried at around 7 weeks.  This was the same amount of weeks that I miscarried over 10 years ago.

I cried as watched the couple go thru the heart wrenching experience – especially Giuliana wondering what she had done to cause the miscarriage.  Even though your doctor usually tells you that miscarriages “just happen” and most times it was nothing that the woman did to cause it – I think as a woman you are always second guessing everything you did from the time you were told you were pregnant till the time you find out you miscarried.

I could also relate to the couple feeling like they were accomplished in so many areas of their life but yet “failing” in the baby-making department.  As if they were being punished for something.

Seeing Bill get upset for his wife and what she was going thru was a nice change from the usual stoic man response that is played out on TV.  At http://www.OurHopePlace.com there is a whole section on how men and woman grieve differently and also about how the man may be feeling. (http://www.ourhopeplace.com/PaulaLevyExpert.html)

I applaud the show for really getting into the true emotions of a couple going through miscarriage.  So many times miscarriage is treated as a moment in time on TV but in real life it can affect you for the rest of your life.  Best of Luck to Giuliana & Bill on their journey to have a family.

 

Congrats to Celine Dion & Mariah Carey for going public!

After suffering a miscarriage, many women feel very alone with their thoughts and feelings.  Thank you to Celine Dion & Mariah Carey for going public with their miscarriages and candidly talking about how they got through their devastating experience.  By demystifying miscarriage and talking about it openly – whether to your friends, family or to the public – we help one another not to feel so alone.

Good News for Celine & Mariah:

On October 23, 2010 Celine Dion gave birth to healthy twin boys named Nelson (named after Nelson Mandela) and Eddy (named after Eddy Marnay)! Congratulations Celine, René, and René-Charles!

In the last week Mariah Carey and husband Nick announced they were pregnant again and doing well.

 

My miscarriage story: I lost my son at 22 1/2 weeks… a horrible, stunning experience. But we are strong and trying again!

Dear www.OurHopePlace.com,

I suddenly lost a boy when I was 22 1/2 weeks along in 2005. We were stunned – our house was in shambles because we were prepping his room. We knew on the way to the hospital he was not going to be with us, but the nurses seemed to tiptoe around that fact until we point blank said to them – we know he’s not viable, just tell us what’s going to happen next. It was a horrible, stunning experience but it strengthened us and we were determined to try again. We had another beautiful boy in 2006. He’s about to turn 2 and he is the joy of our lives. I am now pregnant again with a girl, due in December… she’s our little surprise. 🙂

I think what surprised me about our experience was finding out how many women experience a loss. Even though our late loss was quite rare (about 1% of the cases) I had no idea how common miscarriage is. Women I’ve known for years and women who were merely acquaintances would tell me their stories. That communication was so valuable to me. I think it is so important that women feel it’s okay to talk about it. It is not shameful. You are not defective.

I hope my story will give others hope,
Marti

 

My miscarriage story: I have had 4 miscarriages, I have no one to talk to, my husband thinks I need antidepressants – I am sad, grieving – Why don’t they understand?

From an email sent to Our Hope Place:

I really don’t knwo what to say. I feel like sooo much has happen to me. I don’t know where to start. I have had four miscarriages. I really don’t know if you would call this last one (6-1-08) a miscarriage. I was twenty-nine weeks and my uterus rupture. I feel alone. My husband don’t talk about we are going through. So, if I bring up the subject I well like I am ruining the moment and bringing him down. So, I basically hold everything in. When I do try to talk to him, he feels like I’m coming down on him. So, he (his family) thinks I need antidepressants