With this bill the state recognizes stillbirth as a significant event that others can recognize.  Read below for more information.

If you can send the below snail mail letter, it would be very much appreciated!  If you forward to others, please stress that this is the only letter that can be sent to the Governor – no changes, no exceptions. Thank you!!!

 We have one last request to ask of you. We need letters mailed to Governor Cuomo. Lots of letters.

Below is the letter to use.  Those close to the Governor have strongly urged us to use this form letter, rather than write letters of support using personal stories. Our bill has unfairly been drawn into the pro-choice/life debate and we have made some concessions this year that has enabled it to pass both houses.

 

We can’t take any chances. We have one opportunity to let the Governor know how important this bill is. If he vetos the bill, we will need to start all over in January.

 

Once the Governor signs the bill into law, we will encourage you to write your own thank you note and share your stories, then. But for now, please only use the form letter below.

ENVELOPE:

Address and mail to: Kristin Ross, Legislative Secretary, Capitol Room 239, Albany NY 12224

On lower left corner of envelope write: “A.8178a / S.3111b In Support of Certificate of Still Birth”

LETTER:

 

[DATE]

 

Honorable Andrew M. Cuomo
Governor, State of New York
The Capitol
Albany, NY 12224

Dear Governor Cuomo,

On June 16th the New York legislature overwhelmingly passed a bill to provide a Certificate of Still Birth. Bills A.8178a & S.3111b help provide much-needed comfort, dignity, and documentation to women and their families who have experienced the tragedy of stillbirth. This public health crisis devastates more than 1,700 New York families each year, and nearly 30,000 nationwide.

 

In [YEAR], I [my sister, my aunt, my brother, my friend, etc] suffered the stillbirth of my [son/daughter/grandchild/niece/nephew, etc] and saw family, friends and colleagues struggle to find words of comfort. With this bill the state recognizes stillbirth as a significant event that others can recognize.

 

All states, including New York, require the family to pay for funeral and burial or cremation expenses, and a death certificate is issued. Although a fetal demise is considered as both a birth and a death as per NYS Public Health law, until now New York did not consider the option of a Certificate of Still Birth.

 

This bill will increase awareness of stillbirth, and in doing so may stimulate the allotment of research funds to uncover the etiologies of stillbirth, most of which are unknown at this time. With more information, women and families will be better prepared to maintain healthy pregnancies.

 

I strongly urge your support of Assembly bill A.8178a and Senate bill S.3111b. Thank you in advance for helping countless New York families who have experienced stillbirth and are eagerly awaiting your support as the bill is signed into law.

 

Sincerely,

 

Name – Address – Phone

 

 

When I miscarried over 10 years ago it took awhile before I stopped thinking about every little thing I did that might have caused my miscarriage.  After speaking with my doctor,  all I came away with was “it happens.”  One of the hardest parts of a woman’s healing journey after a miscarriage is usually the guilt of “what did I do to cause it???”  If that is where you are now – please read this information from conceiveonline.com – I thought it helped even 10+ years later.

From the article: Seven Most Common Miscarriage Causes

My obstetrician’s observations that I was in good company—that around 15 percent of “known” pregnancies (i.e., pregnancies confirmed with a test), and up to half of all pregnancies end in miscarriage during the first trimester—didn’t soothe my sadness. Nor did his assurance that the miscarriage wasn’t caused by something I had done, or hadn’t done, that it was “just one of those things.” But I was comforted when I considered the other statistic: that most of the time miscarriage is a one-time occurrence.

Full article:

http://www.conceiveonline.com/miscarriage-infertility/miscarriage-causes/

On Friday, October 1, 2010 – I happen to catch part of ABC‘s TV show – The View and found myself tearing up for their guests.  The topic was: Bill & Giuliana Rancic Discuss Their Miscarriage. 

Both Bill and his wife were very frank about their emotions and thoughts during their months of  trying to have a baby.  Giuliana talked about her miscarriage and feeling guilty about losing the baby which turned into thoughts of “what is wrong with me/my body.”  Bill expressed thoughts of trying to stay strong for his wife and upon hearing his wife blaming herself for the miscarriage he said, “It broke my heart.” 

Sherri Shepherd and Barbara Walters (co-hosts of The View) are also miscarriage survivors and had great things to say to the couple.  Sherri went on to have her son after losing a twin girl and Barbara adopted a daughter after a few miscarriages.

Whoopi Goldberg (co-host) also had something very sweet to say to the couple – the idea that they had a visitor (the miscarried baby) that came to see if they were ready and he would return soon.

Thank you to both Bill & Giuliana for being strong enough and candid enough to share both sides of their miscarriage – the woman’s view & the man’s view.  I hope that other miscarriage survivors were able to see they are not alone in their grief.  For the full story – go to: http://theview.abc.go.com/blog/friday-bill-giuliana-rancic-discuss-their-miscarriage

http://www.OurHope Place.com has a section of how men and women grieve differently – http://www.ourhopeplace.com/PaulaLevyExpert.html

www.OurHopePlace.com on Channel 12 News CT this weekend

Laura Racanelli, Co-founder of www.OurHopePlace.com, will be on News 12 Connecticut this weekend on Cablevision’s “12 on Health” with Host Gillian Neff.

Laura & Gillian talk about Our Hope Place (www.OurHopePlace.com a resource dedicated to friends helping friends cope, hope and heal after a miscarriage) and how men & women grieve differently after a loss like a miscarriage.

Connecticut program dates and times to see Laura:

Date: Saturday – October 31 Times: 6:30am, 10am, 1:30pm, 5:30pm

Date: Sunday – November 1 Times: 12:30am, 6:30am, 10am, 12:30 pm, 4pm, 10:30 pm

Feel free to comment on the Our Hope Place blog: https://ourhopeplace.wordpress.com

Dear OurHopePlace.com,

Wanted to write regarding, “How men and women grieve differently”.

My wife has died. I am a man, and I grieve as a man. “Be strong, don’t show your feelings, and never cry,” I was told growing up. As soon as she died I cried hard, alone. I’ve felt like crying since then, but I am able to stop myself. It’s strange, but I feel more angry than anything else. I don’t understand why she had to die! Should I have seen this coming? Could I have taken better care of her? My wife was my confidant, and now I have no one to listen to me. I can’t discuss anything personal with my buddies. They would not understand, and there is no way you would catch me going to one of those grief groups. If only I could do something concrete to help me feel better. I remember–she always wanted a pink dogwood planted in our yard. I could put all the photos I took of our travels in a special album. Bill lost his wife several months ago. He is not a talker either, but we could play golf and afterwards maybe get something to eat.

My husband has died. I am a woman, and I grieve as a woman. I am so thankful I can cry and not feel guilty. My dear friends mean so much at a time like this, especially the two who are widows. They let me talk about him and find things for us to do together. Sometimes we just cry as they hold me, and that feels so good. There is a grief support group at Hospice, and I will join. The leader might suggest books on how to handle my grief and what I might expect. Maybe later I can actually grow from this awful and terrible experience. But I must protect my children in every way I can. I can’t sleep and I don’t want to eat. Maybe I should make an appointment with my doctor to see if she can help. I must stay strong for the children. Somehow I will get through this, and begin to live again.

Marta Felber, Author

Grief Expressed When a Mate Dies

Finding Your Way After Your Spouse Dies

www.LifeWords.com

I am writing on my perspective on men and women grieving differently.   I am medium and do communication for my clients on a daily basis. The details that come through are amazing to me.
I think the biggest difference between how men and women grieve is that men are taught to be tough, not show emotion and to just keep going. Women are treated differently when they are grieving.
People are more compassionate to women and it seems like they are allowed more time to grieve and also it is more understood by others if it takes them a long time to try and recover.
The other thing I notice about my women clients is that they are more open to trying to connect or communicate with their loved ones who have passed. I probably have 7 women to every man who wants a session to connect to their loved one.

I have also noticed that when men go into collapse from grief, they make no apologies or excuses for their collapse and they can stay in what I refer to as a vegetative state (TV, sleeping and eating only) for months on end.
Women, if they go into collapse, may need some medication, but after a shorter period, they feel guilty about their collapse and try to get moving again, through their pain.  I also think women try to develop their spirituality to gain an understanding of where their loved one has gone and to take solace in the fact that the love they shared still exists, even though the person who has passed no longer has a physical form.

It’s important for everyone to understand that grief is a normal part of life and that it is a process to be experienced, not avoided or put off.
Thank you for allowing me to respond.
Terri Jay, The Messenger www.TerriJay.com