From a recent contact to Our Hope Place…  a mother writing about her daughter’s miscarriage, and the loss of her grandchild…

This (Our Hope Place) is a very good site. My daughter is 20 years old. very shortly she will be 21. She and her boyfriend have only been together several months so they are getting to know each other still. Earlier this year she suffered a miscarriage but it was a few weeks in so she was still getting used to being pregnant and it didn’t affect her as bad. There was no sonogram or heartbeat she heard to remember it. But accidently she got pregnant soon after that loss. This time hurt more. She had the sonogram picture and heard a very strong heartbeat. This time the baby was almost 3 months along. Everything was going very good. She was trying to take good care of herself. She went for her second exam to check the baby again. She was even asking the doctor before her exam if she would know if something was wrong with the baby. The doctor told her the baby was doing fine and nothing was wrong. She went in and there was no heartbeat this time. That doctor felt like a heel when she had to tell my daughter that. They made her an appointment for 2 weeks later to see what to do next. They made her carry her dead baby inside her for 2 weeks. Emotionally that was very rough for her. When they didn’t hear a heartbeat they said the baby measured less by a week or two compared to what it should have been. We bought a few things for the baby already before that. You see my daughter lost her baby and I lost my first grandchild. This past weekend was very rough for her. She had severe pain and alot of blood clots and blood through the weekend. Her appointment was monday for the 2 week followup. I took her to the er Sunday night to get her some help. During the pelvic the doctor seen the sac still trying to pass. He went ahead and pulled it out. The lab looked it over and said it was the sac where the baby was but they seen no baby. I get sick of hearing her body reabsorbed it. It was almost 3 months along. How can a almost 3 month old fetus be reabsorbed into the body? We are still dealing with that question. Well she is still passing blood clots and having alot of pain from cramps. They told her today if she passes anymore big clots and if she is still passing them after tomorrow call them right back. Our family is so confused as to why after two miscarriages they dont feel a d and c is necessary to make sure she is cleaned out. She got a packet from the hospital where they have a good support group for women who have miscarriages. They gave her a little baby ring. She is going to carry that on a chain around her neck to deal with the loss better. Next week I am going with her to a memorial for women that lost their babies early on. We are getting an ornament with a name for the baby engraved on it for the tree. I told her I will go with her to a support group to try to help her get through this. Next year they have a burial for miscarried babies in a cemetary free of charge here. We don’t want people to think of us as sick people to have wanted to see what the baby looked like to get final closure for us. This support group told her that is normal and we shouldn’t feel ashamed. Alot of people don’t understand how people going through this feel. That was an actual living breathing little person growing. I have never experienced a miscarriage myself but I am grieving the loss of my grandchild. I am trying to help my daughter through this with all the love I have to give. We have some support from our family that are sharing their love and support. Some family members don’t help so we keep them out of it. I know the time wasn’t right but they don’t understand my daughter was feeling this little being inside her, heard that strong heartbeat, had a picture of it, nicknamed it. It was still a person. This is an excellent website like I said because watching my daughter go through this it is hard to find people who actually know there is a grieving process for this too. She went through the is it me, what did i do wrong, can I ever have a baby when the time is right feelings too. It helps me to get all these feelings out too. Thank you for listening. I have more understanding for people who go through miscarriages now I must say. And thank you for understanding and knowing it is normal and fine to go through the grieving process even for grandmas like me. I love my daughter so much and when she hurts I hurt. I am just trying to help her cause she has rough days and ok days. She is quite a ways from getting over this but we are learning it is a process that takes time but we will always hold the memory of her lost baby in our hearts.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you!