May 2012


Love them or not, admit it, we can’t help watching Sister Wives. I get all the negative stuff, plural marriage isn’t for me either. Instead, I draw parallels of the journey all 4 women have had while trying to have children. (get it too, there are a lot of kids… Not my point, just writing about the pain and loss they have suffered).

Think about yourself, your sisters, your sister in laws, best friends… Choose any 4, I suspect there has been infertility issues. Likely, more than one of you has felt the devastating pain of miscarriage. Another probably had some form of fertility help.

Meri has one child. While she would love more children, it seems she was lucky to have her one. At a time when she thought the idea of another child was behind her, she now seems to be open to having more children and trying. I am worried for her in that the promos seem like she has had a miscarriage. I will be watching on Sunday… Will you? I will be hoping she is doing well!

My one wish is that if she does have a miscarriage, that we offer support and not judgement. Miscarriage is devastating. While yes, it is her choice to live her life in the public eye. She didn’t choose to have a miscarriage. Let’s choose to be kind.

How was you Memorial Day? Parade and/or BBQ to honor this who have given so much? It is humbling to think so many have given their all so we can have the life we do, the freedom, the choices and the opportunity.

Camping in Lake Placid turned out to be both a fun an educational weekend with three highly inquisitive kids. We talked American History from the settlers to today. Covering all the major mile stones. It was great to see it through a 13 and two 7 year olds eyes. It was amazing how much they already knew (thank a teacher), as well as now much more they wanted to know. They quickly came to a place of awe, respect and thanks… we have our freedoms, our way of life all because others have given everything.

On our way home the kids chose to stop at Fort Ticonderoga. The perfect cap off, where we could see in action some of what others sacrifice; the hardships too.

I am able to have the life I have, to write this miscarriage blog, to try to help others in a small way, to give hope, all because of those men and women who have given their all. It is not lost on me that I write about pregnancy loss. About the joys of birth. All when there are men and women who have and continue to sacrifice it all.

Our days are so full/busy, it is easy to get wrapped up in what we are doing. Let’s not forget any of the heroes. So I end this with a simple thank you. I am humbled.

 

This year Mother’s Day is May 13.  If you have had a miscarriage, Mother’s Day can bring on a whole range of emotions and thoughts of what could have been.  Even if many years have passed since your miscarriage, you may be surprised about how you feel.  Happy and sad thoughts may sprinkle your day.  We know this all too well because we are two women who have experienced miscarriage and have gone on to heal.  We created Our Hope Place (www.OurHopePlace.com) in order for friends to help friends cope, hope and heal after miscarriage.

 Here are some suggestions to get you through the day:

-Recognize your true feelings.  Don’t hide or discount them.  Part of you may want to celebrate Mother’s Day because you are a mom to the baby you lost.  You may want to celebrate with the other “moms” in your life.  Ask your spouse or a family member to be your “soft place” that day.  Whenever you need a break, let this person take care of you.  

-Be kind to yourself on Mother’s Day.  Do not criticize yourself for how you are feeling or put pressure on yourself.   Be your best friend and make the day special to you.

-Plan ahead to do something meaningful that will bring a smile to your face.  Plant a flower or tree to remember your baby.  Take a walk with your spouse.  Go to church and say a prayer.  Get together with the important women in your life.  Laugh with your family.  Even stay under the covers and read a great book.

-Don’t be afraid to say “NO”.  Do what you need to do on Mother’s Day even if it means not participating in traditional family events.  If you can find the words, explain why you would rather not participate to your family.  (“Right now I am feeling too emotional to be with everyone on Mother’s Day.”)  If that is too difficult, maybe your spouse or close relative can explain how you are feeling and why you will not be there on Mother’s Day.

-Try to focus on the positive.  Being grateful for what we already had in our lives and thinking positively is what helped us with our healing process and led us to create Our Hope Place  (www.OurHopePlace.com).  We decided to share our friendship, a special bracelet of hope and it’s inspiring story to help other women who have also experienced miscarriage. 

Only by being true to yourself and celebrating Mother’s Day in your own way will you will be able to remember your loss, continue with your healing process and look to the future.

Here’s to celebrating Mother’s Day your way,

Laura & Sharon

Co-Founders www.OurHopePlace.com