Father’s Day (June 19th) is coming up this weekend.  Celebrating often includes BBQs, baseball and families getting together.  But what happens if you are the man  & your wife/partner has suffered a miscarriage.  You may not be in the spirit to celebrate.  And that is OK.

Going with your gut instinct and doing (or not doing) what feels right for you on that day is what you should do.  Only by being true to yourself about your feelings toward celebrating Father’s Day will you be able to heal.  On our blog on June 7th we gave some suggestions on how to help get through the day – https://ourhopeplace.wordpress.com/

We would also like to include a link to Our Hope Place (www.OurHopePlace.com) where we have an expert talk about “Men, Women, Miscarriage & Grieving Styles” – we hope this helps – (see link below for complete information and chart)

Men, Women, Miscarriage And Grieving Styles
By: Paula Levy

Miscarriage is an emotional and confusing time for most couples.  There are few societal rituals for grieving for a miscarriage and the depth of this pain is not well recognized in our culture.   In addition, couples have little or no physical existence of their child (pictures, toys, memories) and therefore it becomes difficult for them to validate their loss in the usual ways.  Add to this mix the
fact that women and men usually grieve differently which can cause miscommunication, hurt and disappointment between them.  As a result, a mother and father can have vastly different reactions to a miscarriage.  In many cases, the mother doesn’t understand why her husband is not experiencing significant grief and the father doesn’t understand why his wife is so
devastated.  This can have profound implications for the marriage.

http://www.ourhopeplace.com/PaulaLevyExpert.html

Please let us know if you have a special way of celebrating Father’s Day after your miscarriage.

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Miscarriage and Father’s Day.  Miscarriage affects all family members.  Would-be-dads, grandfathers, uncles and brothers all experience their own grief.  While miscarriage is all too common, as a society we are not good at helping women or men with their loss.

Sunday, June 19th, 2011 is Father’s Day.  It is a day that day can be filled with many emotions.  As part of a couple we know this can be a stressful, sad day.  But there are things we can do to help…  we don’t have to “just ignore” it or not recognize it.  We know this all too well because we are two women who have experienced miscarriages with our husbands and have gone on to heal.  We created Our Hope Place (www.OurHopePlace.com) in order for friends (and family members) to help cope, hope and heal after miscarriage.

 

We have put together some suggestions to help you and your partner get through the day:

 

-Be true to your feelings.  As the man, you may think it will be easier not to show how you are feeling about the miscarriage as you think your emotions will upset your partner even more. (Men & women can grieve differently.)  You decide you want to stay strong to protect her but only end up feeling alone and isolated.  As the woman, you were thinking of how nice it would be to buy your partner a “father-to-be” Father’s Day card and now after the miscarriage —Father’s Day is just another reminder of your loss.  Take time to communicate before the day arrives.  Really express to each other how you are feeling about both the miscarriage and what Father’s Day will mean to you this year.

 

– Realize that your emotions can sneak up on you…  that you might think you will feel one way, but on the day a whole other set of emotions may set in…

 

-Be patient with each other.  Do not criticize each other (or yourself) for how you are feeling.  Grieving is a very personal process and should be respected. Do realize that everyone copes with the same loss in different ways.  You may not be able to take away your partner’s pain but letting your partner know that you are there for him/her and that you love each other will go a long way.

 

-Plan ahead to do something meaningful for both of you.  Take a walk with each other in a favorite park.  Plant some flowers or a tree in your yard to remember your baby.  Go to church and say a prayer.  Get together and enjoy time with your extended family.  Even stay home, order take-out and just enjoy each other’s company.  There is no “wrong” way to spend the day.

 

-Don’t be afraid to say “NO”.  Do what you both need to do on Father’s Day even if it means not participating in traditional family events.  Explain why you would rather not participate to your family.  (“Right now we are feeling too emotional to be with everyone on Father’s Day.”)

 

-Try to focus on the positive.  Being grateful for what we already had in our lives and thinking positively is what helped us with our healing process and led us to create Our Hope Place  (www.OurHopePlace.com).  We decided to share our friendship, a special bracelet of hope and it’s inspiring story to help others who have also experienced miscarriage.  (We have a special section for the partner/spouse to visit – http://www.ourhopeplace.com/partnertodo.html)

 

Only by being there for each other and celebrating Father’s Day together in your own way will you both be able to remember your loss, continue with your healing process and look to the future.

 

Here’s to celebrating Father’s Day your way,

 

Laura & Sharon

peggygevent3Peggy Peggy Garbus is a friend of Our Hope Place who captures amazing pictures of children in black and white.  She is having an event in Wilton this Thursday night at the Rockwell Gallery – located at 379 Danbury Road in Wilton, CT.

“A Spring Snapshot and Sparkle Party” is set for Thursday, April 2nd from 6:30 to 9:30pm which will include a showing of her work, the taking of free Facebook profile photos and a preview of Silpada’s new Spring jewels.
Let us know if you are interested in either the party (a fun Ladies Night Out) or in signing up for a photo shoot for your children – see her special prices (also listed below) for Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and First Communion shots. 

Peggy Garbus Photography
203.761.9816
peggy@peggygarbus.com
http://www.peggygarbus.com
http://peggygarbus.typepad.com

Peggy Garbus is well known throughout Fairfield County for her heartfelt images of children, their families and pets and is a contributing photographer to Wilton Magazine. Her most recent black andwhite giclee prints will be on display at the Gallery including her award winning photo ‘Playing at Ambler Well’ for which she received 1st place in the Wilton Arts Council Focus ’07 Photography Show.

Throughout April and May, Peggy will be conducting 20-minute mini-sessions by appointment only in the Rockwell Gallery space. Each session is designed to capture children and families for Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, First Communions or just the joy of being a toddler. Peggy will even capture the loyalty and friendship of dogs with or without their owners.

The cost for the session is $75 which includes the sitting and one 5 x 7 print. Other sizes and additional prints from the session may be ordered and purchased from Peggy.

Reserve your session today or on opening night by contacting Peggy at 203-761-9816 or email peggy@peggygarbus.com. Please note that the $75 sitting special is only for the mini-session dates and times listed. = Additional studio appointment dates are available at the rate of $150 which also include a 5 x 7 print.

Dates:

April 10 – Mother’s Day
April 21 – Toddler Tuesday
April 22 – 1st Communion
April 24=- Dog’s Delight
April 25 – 1st Communion
April 26 – Mother’s Day
May 2 – 1st Communion
More dates coming in May

Website: http://www.peggygarbus.com
Blog: http://www.peggygarbus.typepad.com

Rockwell-Wilton – located at 379 Danbury Road in Wilton. Gallery hours: Monday through Friday 10am – 5:30pm; Saturdays 10am – 5pm. Phone: (203) 762-8311. For directions and information for all Rockwell Galleries please visit: rockwellartgalleries.com.

http://www.OurHopePlace.com
“Friends helping friends cope, hope and heal after a miscarriage.”
Our Hope Place Blog: https://ourhopeplace.wordpress.com

 

Miscarriage and Father’s Day.  When the word “miscarriage” is heard, most people think about the woman who has experienced the loss.  Sadly, miscarriage affects many more family members including the men in the woman’s life.  Would-be-dads, grandfathers, uncles and brothers all experience their own grief.
 
This year Father’s Day is June 15.  As a couple that has experienced a miscarriage, this day can be filled with many emotions. We know this all too well because we are two women who have experienced miscarriages with our husbands and have gone on to heal.  We created Our Hope Place (www.OurHopePlace.com) in order for friends (and family members) to help cope, hope and heal after miscarriage.
 
Here are some suggestions to help you and your partner get through the day:
 
-Both be true to your feelings.  As the man, you may think it will be easier not to show how you are feeling about the miscarriage as you think your emotions will upset your partner even more. (Men & women can grieve differently.)  You decide you want to stay strong to protect her but only end up feeling alone and isolated.  As the woman, you were thinking of how nice it would be to buy your partner a “father-to-be” Father’s Day card and now after the miscarriage —Father’s Day is just another reminder of your loss.  Take time to communicate before the day arrives.  Really express to each other how you are feeling about both the miscarriage and what Father’s Day will mean to you this year.
 
-Be patient with each other.  Do not criticize each other (or yourself) for how you are feeling.  Grieving is a very personal process and should be respected. Do realize that everyone copes with the same loss in different ways.  You may not be able to take away your partner’s pain but letting your partner know that you are there for him/her and that you love each other will go a long way.
 
-Plan ahead to do something meaningful for both of you.  Take a walk with each other in a favorite park.  Plant some flowers or a tree in your yard to remember your baby.  Go to church and say a prayer.  Get together and enjoy time with your extended family.  Even stay home, order take-out and just enjoy each other’s company.  There is no “wrong” way to spend the day.
 
-Don’t be afraid to say “NO”.  Do what you both need to do on Father’s Day even if it means not participating in traditional family events.  Explain why you would rather not participate to your family.  (“Right now we are feeling too emotional to be with everyone on Father’s Day.”) 
 
-Try to focus on the positive.  Being grateful for what we already had in our lives and thinking positively is what helped us with our healing process and led us to create Our Hope Place  (www.OurHopePlace.com).  We decided to share our friendship, a special bracelet of hope and it’s inspiring story to help others who have also experienced miscarriage.  (We have a special section for the partner/spouse to visit – http://www.ourhopeplace.com/partnertodo.html)
 
Only by being there for each other and celebrating Father’s Day together in your own way will you both be able to remember your loss, continue with your healing process and look to the future.
 
Here’s to celebrating Father’s Day your way,
 
Laura & Sharon