February 2010


A friend sent an article to me,  “Be lucky – It’s an Easy Skill to Learn”, by Richard Wiseman. I thought it was a must for sharing.

Ever think, “wow, I am lucky”?  Or, “wow, they have all the luck?”.  Well, it turns out there was a study done to understand 1) lucky vs. unlucky people, and 2) whether luck be taught.

Here is what the article says:

“…unlucky people are generally much more tense than lucky people, and research has shown that anxiety disrupts people’s ability to notice the unexpected.  … And so it is with luck – unlucky people miss chance opportunities because they are too focused on looking for something else.

Lucky people are more relaxed and open, and therefore see what is there rather than just what they are looking for.

The research revealed that lucky people generate good fortune via four basic principles:

1) They are skilled at creating and noticing chance opportunities,

2) make lucky decisions by listening to their intuition,

3) create self-fulfilling prophesies via positive expectations, and

4) adopt a resilient attitude that transforms bad luck into good.”

Sounds like optimism to me…  a good thing!  I am feeling lucky…  are you?

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What can the legislators of Utah be thinking?  Are they even thinking?  Utah passed that poorly written legislation that could be used to file charges against a woman who suffers a miscarriage.  They are just awaiting final signature from the governor.

Miscarriage is so common, 1 in 5 pregnancies ends in miscarriage.  While it is common, most times women and their families are left alone and suffering because people don’t know how to help.  They are afraid.  They avoid it.  I know, I have been there.  And now, if I were to have a miscarriage in Utah, I could be charged with homicide.  How could this have happened?  Haven’t women suffered enough?

Yes, it was created to combat things like a pregnant 17 year old, who paid someone to beat her until she lost her baby.  I get it…  so many things terrible about that, I am not sure where to start.

However this is not the answer.  Isn’t society smart enough to find a better solution?  What about helping women who have suffered?  What about educating women on the risks of miscarriage.  When you are pregnant you receive all kinds of information from doctors, nurses, friends, family and of course books (e.g. The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy).  Why doesn’t anyone tell you about the risks, the signs, what to do…  we talk about all kinds of diseases, aches, pains..  but never are we prepared for miscarriage.  WHY?

And now not only are women not prepared, not only do we have suffer a loss that we never forget, but we can go to jail.

I encourage the Governor of Utah NOT to sign the horrible legislation!  Send a signal to women…  to all of us!

This is just a sampling of other posts on this subject:

Criminal Miscarriage or Miscarriage Justice

Utah has now made miscarriage a criminal offense

The Daily Q:  Utah criminalizes miscarriage,  WHT

Miscarriage of justice

The next anti-choice target:  miscarriage

Criminal Miscarriage or Miscarriage of justice

Just what are  they thinking?  What year is this?  Am I reading some non-fiction book?  The check I wrote today said, 2010.  Yes, there is a real article on the web that shares information regarding a Utah legislation that will vote on 2/25 to pass a law that could charge a woman with homicide if she miscarries…

So do I have your attention?  I have to admit that I think, well really I hope, that the intention of the legislators  is not to criminally prosecute women who suffer from miscarriage.  However, the way the law is written, the potential exists.  Given there are extremists and litigious people abound, I am worried for women.

1 in 5 pregnancies ending in miscarriage (almost 1 million each year).  While miscarriage is all too common, most people don’t know how to help some who has suffered.  This leaves women and their families alone, suffering in silence.  What happened in Utah?  Did they get together and say, “Let’s help, I know, let’s send them to jail – great!  Yeah, that is a smart solution.”  Sounds like a bad joke.

Maybe the legislators of Utah could put the money that would have funded this bill towards helping women — like let’s see if we can find out if there is a way to stop miscarriage, let’s give drs and nurses information to better educate women on miscarriage (a pregnant woman goes through all kinds of testing, learns about all kinds of risks, never is she prepared for the risk of miscarriage -just why is that?)

Take our poll…

Read the article…

Tell the legislators of Utah to vote NO.

And don’t even get me started on women’s rights!  Which leads me to say check out this blog that talks to the same issue:  In Utah, miscarriage – criminal homicide

And more links on this subject:

Utah criminalizes miscarriage, manages to become worse at being a state

Is Utah making miscarriage a criminal act?

Criminalizing miscarriage

Whether you love it or hate the ABC drama (I am the former), “Brothers and Sisters”, you have to admit, they cover some important issues.  Do you know the premise of the show – story about 5 siblings, 3 brothers, 2 sisters, their mother, and all they ways they are (overly) involved in each other’s lives.  Don’t try to keep a secret in this family; it isn’t possible.

Ok, I know it  is a drama, a TV show, but in my world, any one/show that helps people understand miscarriage is a good thing.

The show hasn’t been on that long, and with last night’s episode, they they have covered 3 pregnancy losses (among other issues).

You might think that this is too much drama, but I want to share some miscarriage facts… it is very common.  In fact 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage, there are almost 1 million each year in the US.  While it is common, most people don’t know how to help.  This leaves the women and their families alone and suffering.

If you friend lost a family member, would you ignore it?  Of course not.  So why ignore a miscarriage?  It is a real loss, one that needs to be mourned.  Won’t you help?

Our mission at OurHopePlace.com (website) and OurHopePlace.wordpress.com (blog) is to demystify miscarriage.  We want to help women and their families…  visit the website and see, among other things, our 7 tips on how to help; find out what to say/do and what not to say/do.

Taking a break in my “12 Questions That Will Change Your Life” Series for this important topic.

I was reading Real Simple, March 2010, Etiquette Questions, when I came across this question, “What is the kindest way to let a friend who is struggling with infertility to know that you are pregnant?“.  Well, all I could think is “yes, this is so important”.   Also, yeah someone asked, yeah Julie Rottenberg answered, yeah, Real Simple ran the column, and yeah people get to read it, get information, gain confidence, and help their friends!

Julie’s point of view comes from her being on both sides of this subject (see so many of us go through this).  She advises, ” don’t hide your news, but preface it by saying, “I’ve been struggling with how to tell you this, b/c I know what you have been going through…”, then cut to the chase.”  She also points out two important things:  1) your friend may have a hard time with people who (seemingly) are able to get pregnant, and 2) your friend is probably feeling alone/lonely, she wants her friends to be there with/for her; excluding her from something so important would also be painful.

I totally concur with the writers statements.  I remember after I had my miscarriage, it seemed like everyone was pregnant; every person I saw on the street, in the store, at work, all seemed pregnant.  I often thought, “Were there ever more pregnant people in the world?”   A little sensitive, perhaps?

Was it difficult to hear a family or friend was pregnant?  Yes, but I was also happy for them.  The converse is that there two friends who wanted to tell me they were pregnant, but didn’t know how, so they chose to avoid the situation, until well, it was obvious.  That also hurt, I didn’t mean to make them feel uncomfortable, I wanted to share in their happiness.   It was good when we could talk about this.

Overall, I think that friends and family stick together in good and bad (trite, but true).  That it is better to talk to your friend than leave her out.

I am so happy this article was written.

If you are interested in other things to talk say/do and what to not say/do post miscarriage, click here to go to OurHopePlace.com.

As I posted recently, I read an article in Redbook by Ellen Welty 12 Questions That Will Change Your Life. In it, she asked 12 questions to reflect on…  Let continue:

2) Do I pay attention to my body’s needs?

I’d like to say yes… There are a number of needs…  medical, sleep, nutrition, exercise, physical, …  let’s see how I do…

Medical: over the past 10 years I have had a number of health annoyances.  I think I am fortunate…  I have great health care.  Yes, I work hard and pay a lot for it, but I have it (and I know not everyone does — small political commentary – don’t you think the people in DC could fix this at a reasonable price if they just got out of their own way — now back to the blog).

I have access to some of the best doctors…  my GP was voted best for women’s internal medicine by his peers in the state (I concur), one of the specialists I have seen is considered top 3 in the country in his field…   These doctors care, listen, are conservative in their approach, and take great care of me.

I think I am a pretty good advocate – could I be better, sure, but each year I manage to do something new to help me get healthier…  I try to avoid negatives and add positives.

Add Positives:  I do a number of “natural” remedies combined with traditional medicine…   acupuncture and neti pot for allergies, zinc for a cold, lots of citrus (to get vitamin c) in the winter, apple cider vinegar for heart health/complexion and acid reflux.  I have increased my tea consumption.

Avoid negatives:  2 years ago I gave up coffee, last summer I stopped all artificial sweetener and all diet soda, and this year I gave up all soda (x-gingerale, 1 per month) and other sugar drinks.

Sleep: Well, to be honest, it is Olympic season.   am totally into it…  so I am probably not getting enough sleep…  usually I get 7 hours, think that is good.

Nutrition: interestingly, my husband, son and I are seeing a nutritionist a week from tomorrow.  Think we could use some help here… we are making it a family adventure…  keeping my fingers crossed that this is a positive for the year!

Exercise: When it became clear, after 4 months or so, after a foot injury that I needed a new form of exercise, I started yoga.

Physical: Think my husband might have something to say if i didn’t sing his praises here, but that is personal, so let’s go with I am good here.

So in summary, think I do listen to my body…  I seek medical help when needed, I avoid negatives, I add positives,…

Do you listen to your body?

As I posted recently, I read an article in Redbook by Ellen Welty 12 Questions That Will Change Your Life. In it, she asked 12 questions to reflect on…  Let start at the beginning:

1) How do I spend my alone time?

This might be a little sassy, but the first thing that came to mind was, “alone time, down time, what is that”?  Ok, that is sassy, but there is a little truth in all humor/sassiness.  Why else would I be reading a Dec issue of Redbook in Feb, while getting a long over due hair cut…  so here are my reflections on my alone time…

I am very lucky – I have a very full life.  I am a mom, a wife, a daughter, a friend, …  I have an interesting day job, and I give back through OurHopePlace.com.

This manages to keep me pretty busy…  Then I thought about it more.  I found I do have some alone / down time, and I seem to make good use of it:

Each week, I cook a little. Actually, I really like to cook.  My husband also likes to cook, and very generously cooks most of the time during the week.  I usually do weekends…  I like the whole creative process of finding a menu, getting the ingredients, making dinner, and then sharing it with family (and friends).  In truth, the only thing I don’t like is the clean up.  Or I like playing my version of “ready, set, cook”.  Remember that show?  In my home version I take stock of what is in the fridge, freezer, and pantry and try to come up with a great dinner.

Each day I try to read a little, feed my mind – something that interests me.  On Friday, it is People Magazine (it is like brain candy, you know it too), I am currently reading a book about Abraham  Lincoln, “A Team of Rivals”, and I usually have one “mindless fun book going” – just finished the Twilight series.  I read these so I can speak to my nieces – all 6 of them.

Every other week I go to the acupuncturist for allergy treatments; it is only an hour, but I feel so great when leaving.  And the beauty is that I can’t do anything while having the treatment – I clear my mind, and just relax.  It took me a few months to be able to learn to let go, but now I love it.

And my new thing is yoga.  I hurt my foot in Sept, it has been a long recovery and I am still not quite there.  I need a sport that I can do for life.  The side benefit that I didn’t really expect is that the sport is really about the person doing it – there isn’t competition, it is about you – mind, body and soul… and all of mine feel great afterwards!  I wish I had started a long time ago…  I am trying to go 2 times per week…

So in reality I do have down / alone time, and in it I:  feed my body and creative spirit (cooking), feed my mind (reading), take care of my body/allergies, and feed all 3 – mind, body and soul – through yoga.

Like I said, I am pretty lucky.  How about you?

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