Love them or not, admit it, we can’t help watching Sister Wives. I get all the negative stuff, plural marriage isn’t for me either. Instead, I draw parallels of the journey all 4 women have had while trying to have children. (get it too, there are a lot of kids… Not my point, just writing about the pain and loss they have suffered).

Think about yourself, your sisters, your sister in laws, best friends… Choose any 4, I suspect there has been infertility issues. Likely, more than one of you has felt the devastating pain of miscarriage. Another probably had some form of fertility help.

Meri has one child. While she would love more children, it seems she was lucky to have her one. At a time when she thought the idea of another child was behind her, she now seems to be open to having more children and trying. I am worried for her in that the promos seem like she has had a miscarriage. I will be watching on Sunday… Will you? I will be hoping she is doing well!

My one wish is that if she does have a miscarriage, that we offer support and not judgement. Miscarriage is devastating. While yes, it is her choice to live her life in the public eye. She didn’t choose to have a miscarriage. Let’s choose to be kind.

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Amazing story – New book called “Inconceivable” by Carolyn & Sean Savage – I saw them on The Talk (CBS) – this couple was trying to conceive their 4th child, had miscarriages and decided to go for IVF.  After becoming pregnant with IVF they found out the baby was not theirs.  They were offered the option to terminate the pregnancy.  They decided to have the baby boy and then give the baby to its real parents.

Thanks for a great story – After hearing the Savages story I thought “wow – what amazing people they are!”.  I have experienced a miscarriage myself and then became pregnant with my daughter.  If someone had told me that there was a mistake made and she was not really mine, it would be heart wrenching to give her up especially knowing I could not have anymore children.  Thank goodness they did the right thing and I hope the same goodness comes back to them many times over.

Full story – http://www.cbs.com/daytime/the_talk/video/?pid=bWNFBGvsE8_21JwEmYkZv_WU5VtG49Sq&play=true&vs=Clips&signed_req=iiu2HTbnBe-7LPhGzha-lQ9MLlFtFyfrJUwwRo3U8Dg.b3VyaG9wZXBsYWNl#formCommentlink

http://www.OurHopePlace.com – “demystifying miscarriage by helping friends help friends cope, hope and heal after miscarriage.”

I saw this in the news and thought it was interesting and hopeful.

IVF Miscarriage Breakthrough

Australian researchers have developed a product which improves IVF embryo implantation rates for women who have suffered previous miscarriages after IVF treatment.

University of Adelaide reproductive biologist Sarah Robertson said the growth factor treatment improves IVF embryo implantation rates for some women by up to 40 percent.

To read article:

http://www.aphroditewomenshealth.com/news/20110017211956_health_news.shtml

 

Over the holidays I had a chance to catch up with a bunch of reality shows that I don’t always get to watch.  I am not the biggest fan of reality TV for many reason but I give a thumbs up to  “Giuliana & Bill” on MyStyle.com – “Once upon a time, E! News anchor Giuliana DePandi and Apprentice winner Bill Rancic fell in love, got married and settled down…in Chicago and L.A.! So what happens when they try to bring a baby into their real-life romantic comedy?” (http://www.mystyle.com/mystyle/shows/giulianaandbill/index.jsp)

The episodes I watched dealt with the couple going through IVF, finding out they were pregnant and then they miscarried at around 7 weeks.  This was the same amount of weeks that I miscarried over 10 years ago.

I cried as watched the couple go thru the heart wrenching experience – especially Giuliana wondering what she had done to cause the miscarriage.  Even though your doctor usually tells you that miscarriages “just happen” and most times it was nothing that the woman did to cause it – I think as a woman you are always second guessing everything you did from the time you were told you were pregnant till the time you find out you miscarried.

I could also relate to the couple feeling like they were accomplished in so many areas of their life but yet “failing” in the baby-making department.  As if they were being punished for something.

Seeing Bill get upset for his wife and what she was going thru was a nice change from the usual stoic man response that is played out on TV.  At http://www.OurHopePlace.com there is a whole section on how men and woman grieve differently and also about how the man may be feeling. (http://www.ourhopeplace.com/PaulaLevyExpert.html)

I applaud the show for really getting into the true emotions of a couple going through miscarriage.  So many times miscarriage is treated as a moment in time on TV but in real life it can affect you for the rest of your life.  Best of Luck to Giuliana & Bill on their journey to have a family.

After suffering a miscarriage, many women feel very alone with their thoughts and feelings.  Thank you to Celine Dion & Mariah Carey for going public with their miscarriages and candidly talking about how they got through their devastating experience.  By demystifying miscarriage and talking about it openly – whether to your friends, family or to the public – we help one another not to feel so alone.

Good News for Celine & Mariah:

On October 23, 2010 Celine Dion gave birth to healthy twin boys named Nelson (named after Nelson Mandela) and Eddy (named after Eddy Marnay)! Congratulations Celine, René, and René-Charles!

In the last week Mariah Carey and husband Nick announced they were pregnant again and doing well.

On Friday, October 1, 2010 – I happen to catch part of ABC‘s TV show – The View and found myself tearing up for their guests.  The topic was: Bill & Giuliana Rancic Discuss Their Miscarriage. 

Both Bill and his wife were very frank about their emotions and thoughts during their months of  trying to have a baby.  Giuliana talked about her miscarriage and feeling guilty about losing the baby which turned into thoughts of “what is wrong with me/my body.”  Bill expressed thoughts of trying to stay strong for his wife and upon hearing his wife blaming herself for the miscarriage he said, “It broke my heart.” 

Sherri Shepherd and Barbara Walters (co-hosts of The View) are also miscarriage survivors and had great things to say to the couple.  Sherri went on to have her son after losing a twin girl and Barbara adopted a daughter after a few miscarriages.

Whoopi Goldberg (co-host) also had something very sweet to say to the couple – the idea that they had a visitor (the miscarried baby) that came to see if they were ready and he would return soon.

Thank you to both Bill & Giuliana for being strong enough and candid enough to share both sides of their miscarriage – the woman’s view & the man’s view.  I hope that other miscarriage survivors were able to see they are not alone in their grief.  For the full story – go to: http://theview.abc.go.com/blog/friday-bill-giuliana-rancic-discuss-their-miscarriage

http://www.OurHope Place.com has a section of how men and women grieve differently – http://www.ourhopeplace.com/PaulaLevyExpert.html

I usually write about hope after miscarriage.  We feel that in the midst of the devastation of miscarriage, it is good to know you aren’t alone, and that others have gone on to have happy stories.   Today I am delighted to write about hope and some of the most wonderful news!!!  

A friend just told us that they will be blessed with the arrival of  their baby soon… A birth mom selected them and she is due in 6 weeks (plus or minus 2 weeks, you know how babies have their own sense of time).  A long road, a 6 year journey —  trying naturally, surgeries, multiple IVFs, and miscarriages —  that ended in the couple focussing on adoption.  Now they only have 6 weeks.  This is so exciting!  Say a prayer that all goes well with the rest of the pregnancy, the delivery, and the adoption.   

And one last note to my friends:  you have been through so much, you truly deserve this happiness!  We couldn’t be happier for you both!