March 2012


Hi friends, I know I usually write about miscarriage. Today I am moved to write about and give support to my friend. Last week my friend said she was going to visit her daughter… Then she looked at me with tears in her eyed. She was trying so hard to hold it together… I asked her if she wanted to talk… She told me through her sobs that her daughter found a lump and needed surgery. She kept saying she’s only 27, only 27.

When she returned I asked her how she was… How her daughter was doing. She said they were all waiting, just waiting It was so scary, so hard. They were waiting, and they weren’t together. My friend felt helpless…

Then the day came to hear from the doctor… And it wasn’t the worst but it wasn’t good. Stage 1. And it just hits you… Everything stops. No one expects or wants to hear news like this… Especially hard when it’s your child, your baby. Even at 27, she’s still your baby.

They are now negotiating chemo… The doctor thinks my friend’s daughter will have a long, happy life!

I am trying to help my friend too… Listen when she wants to talk, treat her like nothing has changed when she doesn’t want to, I have dropped off chocolate and wine. I have offered to drive them, to drop off groceries, to do the dry cleaning… And I am keeping them in my prayers. Perhaps you will too.

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I was talking with my friend catching up on life. She now has three wonderful kids. They are always running here and there for one sport/activity or another. And then she stopped, and sighed, and said… I feel so lucky, and even so, I will always wonder about my baby I lost, my miscarriage. And with tears in her eyes, she told me it was all her fault and she can never forgive herself.

OMG!!! What??? All her fault? Here my wonderful, smart, seemingly happy friend was carry around guilt like I could never imagine.

Why is it that she was suffering all this time? Why did she think this? Why is it always the Mother’s fault?

I asked why she thought this. She corrected me, not thought, knew. Believed. Again, why? She told me she had a busy job. She was working and that caused her miscarriage. I asked her if her doctor told her this; no. Did someone else; again no. She just knew.

We talked more… No matter how I tried, nothing would change her mind.

I feel compelled to scream it, You DIDN’T CAUSE YOUR MISCARRIAGE! Your miscarriage is a terrible loss. And, you didn’t cause it.

Miscarriage sucks, plain and simple. It is loss of hope, of the future. It is an isolating loss… No one talks about it, no one wants to talk to when it happens, no one knows what to say…

Please, I beg, don’t blame yourself! Be kind to yourself, allow yourself to heal.

Bethenny Frankel – star of her own show – Bethenny Ever After – talks candidly & emotionally about suffering a miscarriage on her reality show.

Thank you Bethenny for reaching out to others who have suffered and letting us see how your miscarriage affected your life.  When more women open up about their experience & express themselves honestly about their miscarriage – it not only helps the person talking to work through the many emotions that come with the experience but also it helps those listening (whether or not they have experienced a miscarriage themselves) to understand what the woman is going though and how hey can help.  For great ideas on how to help someone who has suffered a miscarriage – please visit www.OurHopePlace.com

Just posted on Bethenny’s website – hope we can help her and her fans who have also suffered a miscarriage:

Hi Bethenny, Just catching up and wanted to say that I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I also suffered a miscarriage (back in 1999.)  Then went on to have 2 great kids. From my miscarriage experience I realized that a lot of well meaning family & friends do not know what to say or do to help and my husband (partners of women who have miscarried)also suffer and deal with the grief differently.  So my friend and I created www.OurHopePlace.com to demystify miscarriage and help women cope, hope and heal after miscarriage.  We share our story of a special bracelet of hope, our friendship and how we helped each other thru our miscarriage healing journies.  I hope we can help you & all your fans who have also suffered a miscarriage.  Please keep us laughing – and crying – love your show!!!!