I write this post with tears in my eyes, it is almost 5 am, sleep eludes me again. It is difficult to write, have tried a few times and the words don’t seem adequate. Along with the world I am deeply saddened by the the senseless, terrible, devastating act of violence in Newtown last Friday.

The title of this blog is “the new normal”. It is bc the life I had b4 (miscarriage) is different than the one I have now. It strikes me that there have been a number of times that I can remember exactly where I was when something happened… The challenger blew up (school), 9/11 (meeting in my bosses office), my miscarriage, my SIL passed away (cancer, too young, leaving 3 young children). And now with Friday, I add another to the list. A list that is too long (and i am sure everyone has their own list). A list that where each event rocked my core. A list that in each situation led me to sitting in church with tears steaming down my face.

Two things come to mind as I think about this list, 1) the power of the human spirit we have to over come, 2) that these are all devastating events . So for point one, I recall at each of these times, something helped me… For 9/11 it was my fiancé coming home (he was working for the city of NY and was there in it all, his partner didn’t come home that day), it was also the man marching with military precision on one of the over passes on the Merritt Parkway. He carried a large US flag proudly. It was so symbolic of we will overcome. For my miscarriage it was the bracelet my friend gave me (you can read about it at ourhopeplace.com). It was the first ray of hope… I am looking for my ray of hope from Friday… I am in awe of the acts of heroism. I hear the words of one of the Dad’s, he said something like, let this not define us but inspire us. Not sure how that will play out, but am sure it will. It is my beacon right now…

And for point number two, why is it all bad things on the list? Where is the “moon landing” of my generation? I have a few personal ones… The birth of my son (after my miscarriage)I is top of the list. What would be on your positive events list?

I love that people are rallying around 26 acts of kindness. Think I will try that. I will look for positive signs in the world. Will you join me? May you all be the positive change in the world you wish to see.

Like I said at the beginning… I need sleep, these are the ramblings of a woman whose words are not adequate for the events that transpired last Friday… Thank you for listening. May we all begin the healing process to find our new normal.

Guilty!  Just happened to me…  I have had huge emotional swings since my last email.  Rant?  Would you call it a rant?  I just feel, well happy for one family, sad for another and overall incredibly stupid!

On the good side, my dear friends just adopted a beautiful baby!  I had tears in my eyes as I read the email saying the birth mother just delivered…  they started trying for a baby 6 years ago.  I couldn’t be happier for them.

On the bad side, a friend just found out he has cancer.  He is so early in the process, he doesn’t know about treatment and other details.  

These kinds of things are what’s important.  Highs and lows.  Enjoying and sharing the good.  And when it is bad – having a sense of optimism and leaning on others is critical.  (That is what this blog is about.)  Everything else is so, insignificant…  

I think all that I have written about optimism and hope is true, is needed, and will help us all go forward.  

I will aim to focus on what is important, I will remain optimistic, I will pray (I totally believe, in fact have already prayed to Padre Pio), and I will be there for my friend.  If you wanted to say prayers too, that would be appreciated.  “They” say that if more than 3 people pray for something, God listens.  I sure hope so!