From a recent contact to….

…this is all I can look forward to…Hope. I am 30 years old, my husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for 4. We waited to start a family until we purchased our first home. We have been in our first home a year in May and decided in December to throw caution into the wind and try for a baby. To our amazement we were pregnant the first month we tried, i took a test Christmas morning and gave it to him as a gift, the day before New Years Eve I started spotting and lost it. I was only 5 weeks. I wasn’t going to let this get me down, it was one of the hardest things I have gone thru and I just kept myself going by saying we’ll just keep trying. I saw the doctor, waited a month for a regular period and we tried again.

Okay so everyone thinks I’m Fertile Myrtle and I was pregnant again in one months time. I kept stressing and over analyzing every ache and twinge and my doctor saw me at 7 weeks to check for a heartbeat, she saw the sac and thought she saw the flutter but i was a bit earlier then she thought so she she sent me for a more in depth scan the next day, they saw the appropriate size sac but no heartbeat, but told me it was too soon. I went and had additional blood work 3 days later (yesterday) and got the call while I was at work today that my Hormone levels were at 11,000 on Friday and on Tuesday only 15,000 when they should be doubling. My Doctor said i will lose this baby too, i am 8 weeks today, going back on Saturday for a “Peace of Mind” scan to see there is no heartbeat.

All I keep thinking is what did I do wrong this time or what is wrong with me. Why can I conceive but not keep the baby? My Doctor also said they normally wont start testing for issues until I have had 3 miscarriages. I don’t think I can go thru a 3rdmiscarriage.

Thanks for letting me talk.



From an email to Our Hope Place:

I wish I would have known that you guys exsisted. I had a miscarriage last March 2007 I guess I still have a hard time dealing with it because this makes 3 pregnancies that I had and no child to show for, I have the scars and the empty pit feeling because I wonder why God wouldnt bless me with a child. I wonder what did I do so wrong, I had a miscarriage at the age of 21 and a etopic pregnancy when I was 25 and then last year after trying for 10 years we were pregnant but only for 6 or 7 weeks, I have always had complications with endometreosis. I am now going through who knows what now with me, the dr drew blood to run a pregnancy test which I know I am not, I just have some off the wall systems like charlie horses in my left leg calf and my left foot, He stated that my right breast was tender and sore but not my left, I have had 4 dizzy spells but like I stated to the dr I am now 45 years old and dont feel pregnant. So I am sorta scared again that once again if!
I am pregnant the worst is happening I have had my period 2 times this month with the first being very unusual so that has my dr. with deep concerns of another etopic pregnancy. I pray to God that is not it and it’s just me going through the change even though he stated I wasnt. I dont think I can keep putting up a happy face if this turns out for the worst.