We found this posting and had to share…

We are sorry for the loss and pain Marie and her husband have endured.  We applaud her sharing her story and suggesting that we need to “break the silence about miscarriage”.   You can read her article here

She likens admitting her miscarriage to being at an AA Meeting…  a taboo subject that involves shame.  She describes her miscarriage like many people:  feeling alone, knowing no one who had gone through this – only to find that they knew many people who had.  That they couldn’t smile, the birds didn’t sing, and life seemed dark.

Then comes the self blame and questioning…  “I must have done something to cause this, what?” and “Why?”

The lack of information…  why don’t we know what causes a miscarriage?

Then she gets to what we (at OurHopePlace) talk about…  that we need to start a dialogue.  That we need to take miscarriage out of the shadows and whispers.  We need to help people not feel so alone.  We need to help people feel less frightened…  we need to help with the healing!

Won’t you help?

Readers, any advice for a very caring husband who has suffered miscarriage loss and is now worried about losing his wife and/or family? (Edit:  so I can see lots of people looking at this post, won’t you leave a reply for this reader.  I have already sent him a note directly, thought you might have additional thoughts to help or let him know he isn’t alone.)

Dear Our Hope Place,

I hope you and/or your readers can help me with this.  I am worried I will lose either my wife or my family or both…  any advice you can offer would be great.  I am at a loss at what to do and who to talk to…  Here is my story:

My wife had a miscarriage back in August  2009. It was difficult but not overly tough. Then my sister told us that she was pregnant and was due in May 2010 (the same month my wife was due in). This sent my wife into a tailspin. She has never gotten along well with my family, ecspecially my sister, but she would always attend family events with a smile. Now she wants nothing to do with my family. n She has completely walled herself off and will not go anywhere near my sister. It is almost as if she thinks my sister did this to us on purpose. For the record, my sister was already pregnant before we told anyone she just did not know it yet. I’m concerned that I am going to loose either the rest of my family or my wife. I cannot stand the thought of loosing either. I have tried to be supportive, but I feel that this is an issue that should have gone away a long time ago and if everytime she sees my sister and her child, it throws my wife into hyster!
ics nothing good will ever come of my wife and my family again. I don’t know what to do or who to talk to. if you have any advice I would appreciate it.

Well, what do you guys think…  We have already replied to this writer directly, but would love any thoughts you have.

Taking a break in my “12 Questions That Will Change Your Life” Series for this important topic.

I was reading Real Simple, March 2010, Etiquette Questions, when I came across this question, “What is the kindest way to let a friend who is struggling with infertility to know that you are pregnant?“.  Well, all I could think is “yes, this is so important”.   Also, yeah someone asked, yeah Julie Rottenberg answered, yeah, Real Simple ran the column, and yeah people get to read it, get information, gain confidence, and help their friends!

Julie’s point of view comes from her being on both sides of this subject (see so many of us go through this).  She advises, ” don’t hide your news, but preface it by saying, “I’ve been struggling with how to tell you this, b/c I know what you have been going through…”, then cut to the chase.”  She also points out two important things:  1) your friend may have a hard time with people who (seemingly) are able to get pregnant, and 2) your friend is probably feeling alone/lonely, she wants her friends to be there with/for her; excluding her from something so important would also be painful.

I totally concur with the writers statements.  I remember after I had my miscarriage, it seemed like everyone was pregnant; every person I saw on the street, in the store, at work, all seemed pregnant.  I often thought, “Were there ever more pregnant people in the world?”   A little sensitive, perhaps?

Was it difficult to hear a family or friend was pregnant?  Yes, but I was also happy for them.  The converse is that there two friends who wanted to tell me they were pregnant, but didn’t know how, so they chose to avoid the situation, until well, it was obvious.  That also hurt, I didn’t mean to make them feel uncomfortable, I wanted to share in their happiness.   It was good when we could talk about this.

Overall, I think that friends and family stick together in good and bad (trite, but true).  That it is better to talk to your friend than leave her out.

I am so happy this article was written.

If you are interested in other things to talk say/do and what to not say/do post miscarriage, click here to go to OurHopePlace.com.

I have been asked two questions lately that made me think about where I am in my life now – Question One: What would you tell your twenty-one year old self knowing what you know now? And Question Two: Have you always been an entrepreneur?

 

You may ask what do these two questions have to do with our blog “Life After Miscarriage” and our website www.OurHopePlace.com?  First I will tell you my two answers. (Did you take a minute to think of your answers?)

 

I would tell my twenty-one year old self to enjoy the ride (meaning life) even more and not be so worried about where you will end up both professionally and personally – things will fall into place.  And don’t be afraid to listen to yourself more, you do have a lot of great instincts about yourself and others in your life.

 

I believe I am a late-bloomer when it comes to being an entrepreneur.  The seeds were always there, they just needed time and experiences (both good and bad) to grow.

 

Having a miscarriage made me stop and look around.  I was blindly on the “life train” – go to college, meet a great man, get a good job, get married, buy a house and have a few kids.  My miscarriage said to me that things might not always happen as you planned.  Even though that experience was devastating, it taught me to be open to other possibilities in life and not to plan every aspect of my life.  My miscarriage took some pressure off of my life as I had it mapped out and opened my thoughts up to the possibility of just letting things happen and see where they take you.  

 

In doing this I ended up with a great family and www.OurHopePlace.com.  By starting our website (an entrepreneurial adventure) my co-founder Sharon and I get to help other women (and their families/friends) who have experienced a miscarriage by telling our story of hope and how we helped each other thru our healing journeys.