Taking a break in my “12 Questions That Will Change Your Life” Series for this important topic.
I was reading Real Simple, March 2010, Etiquette Questions, when I came across this question, “What is the kindest way to let a friend who is struggling with infertility to know that you are pregnant?“. Well, all I could think is “yes, this is so important”. Also, yeah someone asked, yeah Julie Rottenberg answered, yeah, Real Simple ran the column, and yeah people get to read it, get information, gain confidence, and help their friends!
Julie’s point of view comes from her being on both sides of this subject (see so many of us go through this). She advises, ” don’t hide your news, but preface it by saying, “I’ve been struggling with how to tell you this, b/c I know what you have been going through…”, then cut to the chase.” She also points out two important things: 1) your friend may have a hard time with people who (seemingly) are able to get pregnant, and 2) your friend is probably feeling alone/lonely, she wants her friends to be there with/for her; excluding her from something so important would also be painful.
I totally concur with the writers statements. I remember after I had my miscarriage, it seemed like everyone was pregnant; every person I saw on the street, in the store, at work, all seemed pregnant. I often thought, “Were there ever more pregnant people in the world?” A little sensitive, perhaps?
Was it difficult to hear a family or friend was pregnant? Yes, but I was also happy for them. The converse is that there two friends who wanted to tell me they were pregnant, but didn’t know how, so they chose to avoid the situation, until well, it was obvious. That also hurt, I didn’t mean to make them feel uncomfortable, I wanted to share in their happiness. It was good when we could talk about this.
Overall, I think that friends and family stick together in good and bad (trite, but true). That it is better to talk to your friend than leave her out.
I am so happy this article was written.
If you are interested in other things to talk say/do and what to not say/do post miscarriage, click here to go to OurHopePlace.com.