August 2008


I have been asked two questions lately that made me think about where I am in my life now – Question One: What would you tell your twenty-one year old self knowing what you know now? And Question Two: Have you always been an entrepreneur?

 

You may ask what do these two questions have to do with our blog “Life After Miscarriage” and our website www.OurHopePlace.com?  First I will tell you my two answers. (Did you take a minute to think of your answers?)

 

I would tell my twenty-one year old self to enjoy the ride (meaning life) even more and not be so worried about where you will end up both professionally and personally – things will fall into place.  And don’t be afraid to listen to yourself more, you do have a lot of great instincts about yourself and others in your life.

 

I believe I am a late-bloomer when it comes to being an entrepreneur.  The seeds were always there, they just needed time and experiences (both good and bad) to grow.

 

Having a miscarriage made me stop and look around.  I was blindly on the “life train” – go to college, meet a great man, get a good job, get married, buy a house and have a few kids.  My miscarriage said to me that things might not always happen as you planned.  Even though that experience was devastating, it taught me to be open to other possibilities in life and not to plan every aspect of my life.  My miscarriage took some pressure off of my life as I had it mapped out and opened my thoughts up to the possibility of just letting things happen and see where they take you.  

 

In doing this I ended up with a great family and www.OurHopePlace.com.  By starting our website (an entrepreneurial adventure) my co-founder Sharon and I get to help other women (and their families/friends) who have experienced a miscarriage by telling our story of hope and how we helped each other thru our healing journeys.

From a testimonial sent to OurHopePlace.com
I know the sorrow and pain many have gone through after having had 5 miscarriages myself.  We were high school sweethearts and two weeks after my husband graduated from college, we were married.  I was 20 and my husband was 21.  We married in June and I was pregnant in August.  I went to the doctor and he comfirmed my pregnancy.  Back in 1960, there was no home test, you gave the nurse a urine sample and the doctor examined you.  Everything was fine, except I was B neg blood and my husband was A pos, but we were both reassured everything would be ok.  I did have a large cyst on my ovary and the doctor was supprised I got pregnant so easy.
Everything was going good until I was in the second week of my 4th month, the bleeding started.  I was put in the hospital and had a miscarriage 3 days later.
 
The doctor said it was not uncommon to lose a baby.  I was pregnant again 3 months later and the same thing happened in the beginning of my 4th month.  He could not find anything wrong with me, but told us not to get pregnant for 1 year.  I remember being so depressed and crying most of the time.  Thank God my husband was so strong and caring, he got me throught the worst part.  We are Catholics and birth control was not an option, so again 2 months later I was pregnant for the third time.  I had to quit my job, stay in bed, take provera, shots every 3 days of dilutin (not sure of the spelling), and vitamin K.  I wasn’t allowed out of bed until my 5th month after having cramps most of my 4th month.  Prayed a lot to St. Jude.
 
In my 8th month, my blood pressure was high and had lots of swelling.  The doctor was afraid of preclamsia, so back to bed and a special diet.  I finally delivered my first son in May and it was the happest day of our lives.  It was a hard delivery and long labor even with pitocin.  I did hemmorage after he was delivered, but all was taken care of and the baby was healthy.
 
My second son was born 13 months later and I only had to spend the 4th month off my feet and I also took provera.   Another healthy baby.
 
When I got pregnant again 2 years later I had another miscarriage in my 4th month, same time as the 2 previous.  We were so very upset, we both wanted a large family and then I had 2 more miscarriages.   I went to see 3 other doctor’s for consults to find out what the problem might be, but they said go back to my first doctor because he had success.  I was now 28 and the doctor’s started talking about ahysterectomy and I felt I was too young and wanted at least one more child.  I was very depressed and not coming out of the depression as before.  I kept thinking about the 5 babies I lost and somehow blamed myself.
I was put on birth control pills for 6 months to ease the heavy bleeding of my periods and painful cramps that lasted 5 days or more.
 
My last pregnancy I did the same procedure as the first.  Same medicine and stayed off my feet as much as possible because I had a 4 and 5 year old.  I was very frightened, but thank God our 3rd son was born in 1969 and we were so thrilled to have 3 children and knew what was ahead.  I did have the hysterectomy in my 30’s, but they left 1 ovary because of my age.  I had very advanced endrometrios, it was everywhere, they did remove the ovary with the large cyst.  But who knows what really caused the miscarriages.  My husband and I still thank God to this day for our wonderful sons.
 
I know what the women are going through when a miscarriage happens and what it can do to your life, but never give up hope.  The worst part was not knowing why it happened or why me, My friends were all having babies when I was having miscarriages and they just didn’t quite understand how I felt. Today there are many support groups, which I think is wonderful, I never had a chance to talk about it with someone who would understand the pain and dispair.  You can discuss your problems with people who know your feelings and they in turn can express there own. 
 
Today I have 5 grandchildren, see my sons every week, and have a happy retirement.  And will always think of the ones I lost, but also know how blessed I was to have had any children at all and I never gave up hope.
 
Thanks for reading this long story.
 
Judy
 

Warning in advance – a little venting on the way…

I just don’t understand… yet another woman I know is pregnant (her 4th) and she is miserable/so doesn’t want to be pregnant. While all the time I see emails/letters from women who desperately want to be pregnant, just once. Life can seem so unfair.

And worse, some people kept repeating over and over and over again how this woman was pregnant and unhappy. Do you not have anything interesting in your life to talk about – no you need to keep harping on this woman’s pain. Really, isn’t there anything positive you could focus on? Why are you so happy with this woman’s pain?

I can totally understand a woman talking about not being happy, I can lend a sympathetic ear, I can listen and offer support — whatever is needed. What I don’t like is others “gossiping” to me over and over again… do they not remember what I went through? Do they not remember what I do everyday at OurHopePlace.com. That everyday I am reminded there are many women in the world that wish for one baby. How can some people be so insensitive? Find something else to talk about – stop gossiping (talk about the weather, how about the olympics, how about anything else)… all these women need our support! Can’t we all just get along? Can’t we leave high school behind?

Could you just think about what you say and it’s impact before you say it! Find something positive to talk about. Make the world a better place – don’t spread pain.

Ok, that is my vent for today… thanks for indulging me!

This is from talking to my friend today (she said I could share)…

August 28th:  My friend called yesterday…  another month, still not pregnant.  She said that knowing there is an entry on my blog helps…  that somehow the universe knows and this is comforting.  Since I want to help, I will keep writing until she has a beautiful little baby.  My thoughts and prayers are with you dear friend!

Early August:  Not pregnant again this month… shouldn’t I be more upset? It has been a year of trying… guess it is time to see a doctor. Didn’t want to do that. So far I have had one miscarriage and one beautiful child. Is wanting for one more so bad? My child is just starting to ask why there are no siblings, all our friends seem to have siblings. How do I answer that?

Ok, possible reasons why am I not upset:
– I am in shock and it hasn’t really set in yet
– I am too tired
– Somehow deep inside, I believe it will happen – there will be another child
– I trust in God – I put my faith in him
– My body didn’t feel different, so I didn’t really think I was pregnant, so this isn’t a surprise
– Other
– All of the above

Ok, I’m analyzing and evaluating my feelings… I am going back to being happy. And “we’ll see”.

Back to me: My dear friend, I am sending you a bracelet (from Our Hope Place)… may it work for you as it did for me. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

THANK YOU!!! Thanks to all of you, Our Hope Place is is Fast Company’s Fast 50 Reader Favorites! This is very exciting for us! It means we are getting the word out on www.OurHopePlace.com and most importantly, this means we are helping women/families that suffer from miscarriage! So thanks!

Click here to see the entire Fast Company Fast 50 2008 Reader Favorites

From an email to Our Hope Place:

I wish I would have known that you guys exsisted. I had a miscarriage last March 2007 I guess I still have a hard time dealing with it because this makes 3 pregnancies that I had and no child to show for, I have the scars and the empty pit feeling because I wonder why God wouldnt bless me with a child. I wonder what did I do so wrong, I had a miscarriage at the age of 21 and a etopic pregnancy when I was 25 and then last year after trying for 10 years we were pregnant but only for 6 or 7 weeks, I have always had complications with endometreosis. I am now going through who knows what now with me, the dr drew blood to run a pregnancy test which I know I am not, I just have some off the wall systems like charlie horses in my left leg calf and my left foot, He stated that my right breast was tender and sore but not my left, I have had 4 dizzy spells but like I stated to the dr I am now 45 years old and dont feel pregnant. So I am sorta scared again that once again if!
I am pregnant the worst is happening I have had my period 2 times this month with the first being very unusual so that has my dr. with deep concerns of another etopic pregnancy. I pray to God that is not it and it’s just me going through the change even though he stated I wasnt. I dont think I can keep putting up a happy face if this turns out for the worst.

From an email sent to Our Hope Place:

I really don’t knwo what to say. I feel like sooo much has happen to me. I don’t know where to start. I have had four miscarriages. I really don’t know if you would call this last one (6-1-08) a miscarriage. I was twenty-nine weeks and my uterus rupture. I feel alone. My husband don’t talk about we are going through. So, if I bring up the subject I well like I am ruining the moment and bringing him down. So, I basically hold everything in. When I do try to talk to him, he feels like I’m coming down on him. So, he (his family) thinks I need antidepressants

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