With this bill the state recognizes stillbirth as a significant event that others can recognize.  Read below for more information.

If you can send the below snail mail letter, it would be very much appreciated!  If you forward to others, please stress that this is the only letter that can be sent to the Governor – no changes, no exceptions. Thank you!!!

 We have one last request to ask of you. We need letters mailed to Governor Cuomo. Lots of letters.

Below is the letter to use.  Those close to the Governor have strongly urged us to use this form letter, rather than write letters of support using personal stories. Our bill has unfairly been drawn into the pro-choice/life debate and we have made some concessions this year that has enabled it to pass both houses.

 

We can’t take any chances. We have one opportunity to let the Governor know how important this bill is. If he vetos the bill, we will need to start all over in January.

 

Once the Governor signs the bill into law, we will encourage you to write your own thank you note and share your stories, then. But for now, please only use the form letter below.

ENVELOPE:

Address and mail to: Kristin Ross, Legislative Secretary, Capitol Room 239, Albany NY 12224

On lower left corner of envelope write: “A.8178a / S.3111b In Support of Certificate of Still Birth”

LETTER:

 

[DATE]

 

Honorable Andrew M. Cuomo
Governor, State of New York
The Capitol
Albany, NY 12224

Dear Governor Cuomo,

On June 16th the New York legislature overwhelmingly passed a bill to provide a Certificate of Still Birth. Bills A.8178a & S.3111b help provide much-needed comfort, dignity, and documentation to women and their families who have experienced the tragedy of stillbirth. This public health crisis devastates more than 1,700 New York families each year, and nearly 30,000 nationwide.

 

In [YEAR], I [my sister, my aunt, my brother, my friend, etc] suffered the stillbirth of my [son/daughter/grandchild/niece/nephew, etc] and saw family, friends and colleagues struggle to find words of comfort. With this bill the state recognizes stillbirth as a significant event that others can recognize.

 

All states, including New York, require the family to pay for funeral and burial or cremation expenses, and a death certificate is issued. Although a fetal demise is considered as both a birth and a death as per NYS Public Health law, until now New York did not consider the option of a Certificate of Still Birth.

 

This bill will increase awareness of stillbirth, and in doing so may stimulate the allotment of research funds to uncover the etiologies of stillbirth, most of which are unknown at this time. With more information, women and families will be better prepared to maintain healthy pregnancies.

 

I strongly urge your support of Assembly bill A.8178a and Senate bill S.3111b. Thank you in advance for helping countless New York families who have experienced stillbirth and are eagerly awaiting your support as the bill is signed into law.

 

Sincerely,

 

Name – Address – Phone

 

 

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Father’s Day (June 19th) is coming up this weekend.  Celebrating often includes BBQs, baseball and families getting together.  But what happens if you are the man  & your wife/partner has suffered a miscarriage.  You may not be in the spirit to celebrate.  And that is OK.

Going with your gut instinct and doing (or not doing) what feels right for you on that day is what you should do.  Only by being true to yourself about your feelings toward celebrating Father’s Day will you be able to heal.  On our blog on June 7th we gave some suggestions on how to help get through the day – https://ourhopeplace.wordpress.com/

We would also like to include a link to Our Hope Place (www.OurHopePlace.com) where we have an expert talk about “Men, Women, Miscarriage & Grieving Styles” – we hope this helps – (see link below for complete information and chart)

Men, Women, Miscarriage And Grieving Styles
By: Paula Levy

Miscarriage is an emotional and confusing time for most couples.  There are few societal rituals for grieving for a miscarriage and the depth of this pain is not well recognized in our culture.   In addition, couples have little or no physical existence of their child (pictures, toys, memories) and therefore it becomes difficult for them to validate their loss in the usual ways.  Add to this mix the
fact that women and men usually grieve differently which can cause miscommunication, hurt and disappointment between them.  As a result, a mother and father can have vastly different reactions to a miscarriage.  In many cases, the mother doesn’t understand why her husband is not experiencing significant grief and the father doesn’t understand why his wife is so
devastated.  This can have profound implications for the marriage.

http://www.ourhopeplace.com/PaulaLevyExpert.html

Please let us know if you have a special way of celebrating Father’s Day after your miscarriage.

I just finished reading a unique book – “The Seven Wonders That Will Change Your Life” by Glen Beck & Keith Oblow.  I did not know what to expect when I opened the book but the following sentences from the book hit home with me.

They explained to me in words (all quotes below from their book) what we at Our Hope Place (www.OurHopePlace.com) try to do everyday with the story of our miscarriages – share how we feel, share how we think about what happened to us and hopefully help others who find themselves in the same situation-to not feel so alone.

Why we share our story at Our Hope Place:

“We understand that no person’s life is precisely like any other’s, but we also understand that one life story can reflect the challenges each and every one of us faces in attempting to love ourselves and others and pursue happiness.”

“No two human experiences repeat themselves exactly, but there are underlying patterns that occur again and again – patterns we can learn a tremendous amount from.”

“Why can one life, honestly told, influence many lives?  Why can human beings learn from the experiences, thoughts, and feelings of others?  What energy is being tapped when one person is willing to completely open his or her heart and soul to others?”

Helping others to not feel alone after their miscarriage:

“So many of us believe we are alone in our shortcomings and fears and challenges and questions and hopes and dreams that we must keep ourselves undercover, lest we be seen for the imperfect people we are.  But nothing could be further from the truth.  There is far more that connects us than separates us.  We are all struggling.  We are all on difficult, sometimes tortuous, journeys that are really meant – designed, in fact, by God – to lead us to the best in ourselves.”

If you have experienced a miscarriage or know someone who has – please take a minute to tell them about http://www.OurHopePlace.com so that “one human being’s intensely personal tests and triumphs can be harnessed to the good of countless others. “

From the TODAY Show this morning:

Marc Sedaka stood by while he and his wife endured endless rounds of drug therapies, 16 artificial inseminations, 10 in-vitro fertilizations, three miscarriages and, finally, a gestational surrogate who carried their twin girls to term. With the help of his own infertility doctor, Dr. Gregory Rosen, Sedaka has crafted the book “What He Can Expect When She’s Not Expecting: How to Support Your Wife, Save Your Marriage, and Conquer Infertility.” Here is an excerpt.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/42096898/ns/today-books/

It is great to hear a man’s point of view when it comes to infertility.  So many times (as also the case with miscarriage) the woman grieves silently and feels alone as the man “seems” to get back to his “normal” life.  Just the idea of knowing you are not alone in your situation can help.  Thanks for sharing your story.  http://www.OurHopePlace.com – “Helping friends cope, hope and heal after a miscarriage.”

It seems that having a miscarriage has been a big topic on TV recently – both in reality TV and scripted TV.  After watching a bunch of shows dealing with women experiencing miscarriages – I wanted to see who (reality TV or scripted TV) was doing a better job of portraying a miscarriage (based on my own and friends experiences with miscarriage.)

Scripted TV shows which recently talked about miscarriage: 2 examples would be Grey’s Anatomy (character: Meredith Grey) and General Hospital (character: Brenda Barret).

In both shows, the women each cried about the experience but in the days/weeks that passed, the miscarriage did not affect their everyday life or much of what they thought about or discussed.  The dialogue and the feelings of the women on the shows did not represent what 99% of women who have had a miscarriage want to talk about or how they think.  There was no mention about feeling alone, that their world was turned upside down or how afraid they might be about getting pregnant again (would they miscarry again?).  These are thoughts that real women experiencing a miscarriage think about on a daily basis.

Reality TV shows which recently talked about miscarriage: 4 examples would be LXNewYork (Sara Gore), Real Housewives of New Jersey (reruns on NBC),  Giuliana & Bill Rancic (reruns on Mystyle.com) and Lisa Ling on The View.

I was watching LXNewYork –NBC from 5-6pm – the day they had Giuliana & Bill Rancic on talking about their miscarriage experiences and all of a sudden –Sara Gore – the LXNY person started to get upset/tear up during the conversation & it turns out she tells everyone live that she had a miscarriage recently.  Her face said it all – she was surprised at how much the topic got to her -a professional interviewer/news person – how brave of her.  I don’t think she realized until that moment how much her own miscarriage affected her.

Real Housewives of NJ, Jacqueline Laurita, was talking about having her miscarriage and her thoughts about getting pregnant again.   Would she be able to be excited and enjoy getting pregnant again or would the dark cloud of the miscarriage hover over the new pregnancy.  The thought of not being able to fully enjoy her new pregnancy (if it did happen) made her very upset.

Giuliana & Bill Rancic (reruns on Mystyle.com) – The episodes I watched dealt with the couple going through IVF, finding out they were pregnant and then they miscarried at around 7 weeks. (This was the same amount of weeks that I miscarried over 10 years ago.)   Giuliana wondered what she had done to cause the miscarriage.  Even though your doctor usually tells you that miscarriages “just happen” and most times it was nothing that the woman did to cause it – I think as a woman you are always second guessing everything you did from the time you were told you were pregnant till the time you find out you miscarried.

Seeing Bill get upset for his wife and what she was going thru was a nice change from the usual stoic man response that is played out on TV.  (At http://www.OurHopePlace.com there is a whole section on how men and woman grieve differently and also about how the man may be feeling. (http://www.ourhopeplace.com/PaulaLevyExpert.html))

The View & Lisa Ling – she talked about how she recently suffered a miscarriage and how surprised she was to feel all these emotions related to the experience.  She share’s her story here on the View .  In addition, she started a company:  The Secret Society of Women.

Based on my research above I would have to say that Reality TV wins – for honestly and compassionately portraying miscarriage as the devastating experience that it is.

Do you agree with me????- let me know

Since 1 in 5 pregnancies ends in miscarriage; that translates to almost 1 million per year in the US, I am always surprised when the miscarriage topic is touched on for “shock” value but then either downplayed or not discussed in the rest of the scripted TV show at all.  This can leave a lot of woman wondering – “what is wrong with me” when in reality they are left with lots of feelings and thoughts that they do not see portrayed by their favorite TV character.

Our mission at OurHopePlace.com and OurHopePlace.wordpress.com is to change that…  we want to demystify miscarriage.  We want to help women and their families.  Come visit, learn how to help, send a bracelet of hope…  help heal, help give hope.

 

 

The Real Housewives of New Jersey and Miscarriage.

While making my lunch last week I turned on the TV and found the first season (?) of The Real Housewives of NJ.  (NBC is re-running old episodes.)  I grew up in NJ and not far from the town the reality show is filmed in so I started watching.

I happen to catch the episode where one of The Real Housewives, Jacqueline Laurita, was talking about having her miscarriage and her thoughts about getting pregnant again.   Would she be able to be excited and enjoy getting pregnant again or would the dark cloud of the miscarriage hover over the new pregnancy.  The thought of not being able to fully enjoy her new pregnancy (if it did happen) made her very upset.

Having experienced a miscarriage myself,  I could totally relate to her feelings.  “Would I be able to enjoy my pregnancy after my miscarriage” or “would I be so worried that I would miscarry again” –  were my daily thoughts.

I believe most women who have experienced a miscarriage have these thoughts – unfortunately at the time they are having these thoughts they are thinking they are the only woman who is thinking like this – adding to the loneliness of their miscarriage.

If you know someone who has experienced a miscarriage – please let her know:

1) she is not alone – 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage

2) 99% of any thoughts she is having about her miscarriage have been thought of by most women who have had a miscarriage

3)encourage her to reach out to her friends and family and talk about her miscarriage – most likely she will find many other woman in her social circle who have also experienced a miscarriage

4)have her visit OurHopePlace.com (http://www.ourhopeplace.com)

where she can find comfort and advice from us and others who have gone before her on our healing journey from miscarriage

Thanks to Jacqueline for her honesty and “reality” about miscarriage.  And I do know that in later episodes Jacqueline welcomes a healthy baby boy – Congrats!!

Our mission for OurHopePlace.com is to demystify miscarriage. In doing that we would love to make the conversation about miscarriage easier.  More of a sharing environment and less of a secret.  Also we would hope that we can help those who have never experienced a miscarriage understand that the loss of an unborn child stays with you for the rest of your life.  For some women, this loss affects everything they do, say and think.

You may have recently heard in the news about the story of Ann Pettway, the woman who supposedly stole a baby (Carlina White) 23 years ago from a hospital.  Part of her reasoning was that she had suffered multiple miscarriages and did not think she would ever be a mom.  Although I do not agree with her actions, I do feel sorry that she felt alone at that time and could not come up with any other option but to take someone’s baby.

If you know someone who has had a miscarriage, be a great friend and listener and help them start their healing journey.  For ideas on how to help – see “How Can I Help” at http://www.OurHopePlace.com

http://www.ourhopeplace.com/whattodo.html

Full story on Ann Pettway:

http://abcnews.go.com/US/ann-pettway-woman-raised-carlina-white-face-kidnapping/story?id=12746441