March 2011


From a recent contact to OurHopePlace.com….

…this is all I can look forward to…Hope. I am 30 years old, my husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for 4. We waited to start a family until we purchased our first home. We have been in our first home a year in May and decided in December to throw caution into the wind and try for a baby. To our amazement we were pregnant the first month we tried, i took a test Christmas morning and gave it to him as a gift, the day before New Years Eve I started spotting and lost it. I was only 5 weeks. I wasn’t going to let this get me down, it was one of the hardest things I have gone thru and I just kept myself going by saying we’ll just keep trying. I saw the doctor, waited a month for a regular period and we tried again.

Okay so everyone thinks I’m Fertile Myrtle and I was pregnant again in one months time. I kept stressing and over analyzing every ache and twinge and my doctor saw me at 7 weeks to check for a heartbeat, she saw the sac and thought she saw the flutter but i was a bit earlier then she thought so she she sent me for a more in depth scan the next day, they saw the appropriate size sac but no heartbeat, but told me it was too soon. I went and had additional blood work 3 days later (yesterday) and got the call while I was at work today that my Hormone levels were at 11,000 on Friday and on Tuesday only 15,000 when they should be doubling. My Doctor said i will lose this baby too, i am 8 weeks today, going back on Saturday for a “Peace of Mind” scan to see there is no heartbeat.

All I keep thinking is what did I do wrong this time or what is wrong with me. Why can I conceive but not keep the baby? My Doctor also said they normally wont start testing for issues until I have had 3 miscarriages. I don’t think I can go thru a 3rdmiscarriage.

Thanks for letting me talk.

Sheryl

 

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Yesterday a friend came over and said I heard you help women, their family and friends when someone has had a miscarriage.  Can you help me?  My sister-in-law had a miscarriage and none of us know what to do, how can we help?

I told her I was very sorry.  I asked how was everyone doing.  Seems her sister-in-law didn’t want to talk much about her miscarriage.  My friend clearly wanted to, so we did.  I shared with her that the best thing to do is to acknowledge her sister-in-laws loss, then take the cue as a next step from her.  If she doesn’t want to talk about it, think you have to respect her wishes (see our 7 tips on how to help).

Then she asked if I would share my story… and I did.  And it hit me  — Jan 15th had passed…  without incident…  how could that be?  I usually dread the day.  Think about it for many days in advance.  This year, for the first time in 7 years, I didn’t.  I didn’t stress myself out.  I didn’t blame myself.  I did ask why.  I didn’t …  I didn’t… I didn’t…  and then I realized, I didn’t feel guilty.  And it was ok.  While I will always miss my child, for the first time in a long time I feel like I am healing.  I am finding peace.  It feels good…

I hope you find the same!

It really struck me yesterday when I realized there are over 2,730 miscarriages each day in the US…  that is 1 in 5 pregnancies ends in miscarriage.

While miscarriage is so common, most people say they feel so alone when they are suffering…  they just don’t know – don’t know how common it is.  They also likely don’t know how their friends have suffered.  And that is sad.  Worse yet, if they do confide in someone, the person usually  doesn’t know what to do or say.

At OurHopePlace, we want to stop this madness.  Well really, we wish miwcarriage didn’t exist, but we  can’t seem to fix that.  So we can do what we can to help – help with the healing, help with providing hops.

How to help with the healing:  check out our 7 tips on how to help someone

If you know someone who had a miscarriage, please help.  If you had a miscarriage, you deserve help.  If you aren’t getting it, forward this link to whomever should get it…

 

 

Happy Pi Day.  Ok, I am a self proclaimed geek; a proud card carrying member at that!  As the world, well the geeky world, celebrates today and ponders the mathematical relationship of the circumference and the diameter of a circle, there is devastation in the world…  on everyone’s mind is of course Japan.  I am having a hard time understanding the scope of death and devastation.  Want to help?  Remember donating to the Red Cross as a great way to help.

On another loss front, today a woman had a miscarriage (well, really more like 2,739 women suffered a miscarriage in the US today).  She was likely alone…  she saw the first sign, felt the pain, the panic.   Maybe she called doctor or rushed to the hospital.  But nothing could be done to save her baby.  And then, when it couldn’t get any worse, she was likely left alone.   At a time when she needs help the most, society doesn’t know how to help.  So she is alone.

Just like we don’t understand Pi, we don’t know the causes of miscarriage, we don’t know how to prevent them, and we don’t know how to stop them.  Worse, we don’t prepare women.  When you are pregnant your doctor tells you about lots of testing for all kinds of things, not so good things, but they don’t tell you about miscarriage.  That 1 in 5 pregnancies ends in miscarriage.  Why is that?

Well, at OurHopePlace, we want to help women who are suffering.  We want them to know they didn’t do anything to cause their miscarriage.  They are not alone.  And that in time, they will start to heal.  We want to help them by acknowledging their loss …  check out our website, where you can find 7 tips on how to help.  Learn about our bracelet, read the story

You can choose to celebrate Pi Day or not.  You can choose to donate to the Red Cross or not.  I hope you will visit Our Hope Place.com if you know someone who had a miscarriage.  Don’t let her suffer alone… isn’t the loss of her baby enough?  Won’t you help?

Latest post on OurHopePlace.wordpress.com covers the most common questions we’ve been asked about miscarriage…

what is miscarriage
is miscarriage common
what did I do to make this happen
will it happen again
why did it happen
… all the facts won’t make it better… but sometimes the best way to help healing is to wrap your mind around the stats while your heart tries to heal… time will be your friend…

Also, keep reading – see all the stories of hope… you are not alone, and there is hope!

 

Read the next posting …

Thought it might be good to write about something a little different tonight… questions and myths about miscarriage.  I remember after my miscarriage, I read all the facts.  My head got it, sure that was easy.  But my heart, that was a different story.  My heart didn’t care about the stats for a second.  However, I forced myself to read them, over and over again.  It started to seep in…  started to help…  and I needed all the help I could get.  So here goes, hope it might help someone…

What exactly is a miscarriage? A miscarriage is when you suffer a pregnancy loss in the first 20 weeks.

Is miscarriage common? Yes, it is all too common!  1 in 5 pregnancies ends in miscarriage, that is 1 in 5.  Think of 5 friends that you know who have had children…  according to the stats, one of them is likely to have had a miscarriage.  This translates to almost 1 million miscarriages each year in the US.

Why did this happen?  Did I cause my miscarriage?  How is it that my body which is designed to have babies, failed, why did I fail? This is really important – you DIDN’T cause your miscarriage.  NOTHING you did caused this loss!  Please, if there is nothing else, read, and re-read those two sentences, write them down, put it in your pocket, and every time you start to beat yourself up or question yourself, read it again.  The fact is that you will likely not ever know what caused your miscarriage.  Sometimes they can do tests, that usually happens if you have re-peat issues.  The more likely case is that 9 out of 10 times you will have a healthy pregnancy and baby post miscarriage.

That leads me to the next question…  when can I try again? My doctor told me to wait one cycle…  I did, and then was pregnant right away.   It seemed really hard for me to get pregnant the first time.  It was like my body had to learn how to get and stay pregnant.  Second time around, pregnant right away.  Then I was equally terrified and excited.  So let’s go back to that last fact – 9 out of 10 pregnancies following a miscarriage lead to a healthy baby!  That’s better odds than the first time around…  I knew the stress of worrying about a possible miscarriage the second time around wouldn’t help me, so I used my bracelet (see OurHopePlace.com bracelet story).  Wore it or carried everyday until our son was born.

Of course the best thing to do is to be in good health, talk to your doctor, be kind to yourself, and listen to your body.

I know that most time we have stories of miscarriage and hope…  once in a while, we do something different, and today is one of those days…  a different kind of hope story, one about my neighbor and friend’s niece, Kate, who at 3 1/2 was diagnosed with leukemia (hang in there, I’ll get to the hope part – trust me).  This little girl endured 2 1/2 years of isolation and treatments (protocols that were researched and created with funds from LLS – see it works)…  and she is now (thankfully) a happy, healthy 8 year old, living a normal life.  (See, it is a hope story!  Thanks for hanging in there.)  This is due in large part to the good treatment she was given from the wonderful people at Sloan Kettering.

Sadly, not many kids and adults have been as lucky as Kate.  How about changing that?  Sound good…  here is how you can help…

Ian O’Malley, is “running” for LLS inaugural New York City campaign Man of the Year.  He is hosting a 10 week campaign…  all kinds of fundraising.. online, hosting events, auctioning off great items all in hopes of being the one who raises the most money and win the title…

The easiest is an online, tax deductible, donation: http://nyc.mwoy.llsevent.org/ianomalley

You can see additional information, and track what’s going on by reading Ian’s Q104.3 Bloghttp://www.q1043.com/pages/onair/ianomalley.html

Or are you a Facebook fan, try this Pagehttp://www.facebook.com/pages/Ian-For-LLS-Man-of-the-Year/144680722261688 – please “like” his FB page if you would like to see event and auction updates in your news feed – he is putting together some awesome stuff!

Did I mention auctions… the first two are already live:

First, a cool 4 ticket package for the Def Leppard show this July at Jones Beach, complete with 4 backstage passes, a meet and greet with the band, and an autographed guitar personalized to the winner’s specs.  Know anyone who woould be interested?  Bid away or forward as much as you like!

http://cgi.ebay.com/4-Def-Leppard-Heart-Tix-Backstage-passes-Autod-Guitars-/260749541003?pt=US_Tickets_all_in_one&hash=item3cb5e23e8b

Second, an awesome 8-night stay on Maui with perks:

http://cgi.ebay.com/8-night-MAUI-trip-2-amazing-hotels-Kapalua-Makena-/260749982868?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item3cb5e8fc94

Thank you so much for your support…  wouldn’t it be wonderful if I didn’t have to post this…  that is what everyone is working towards!  Won’t you help?


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