May 2010


Home tonight after a great Memorial Day and long weekend.  How was your Memorial Day?  Did you have a bbq with family and/or friends?

I am struck by the contrast of the wonderful weekend and the all the people we have to thank for it; the ones who gave the ultimate sacrifice.

About 3 years ago we went to a very special wedding.  A dear friend of my husband was getting married – she was marrying a US Marine.

Most of the Marines at the wedding had just  returned from Fallujah.  Many had battle scars, but all were there to celebrate a wonderful day.

At our table, we sat with 4 Marines.  They were all vibrant, honest men.  They loved being Marines.  All talked of the day when they could return to Iran; they were counting the days.

They all did return.  Within 6 months of the wedding, all 4 had died; they had given the ultimate sacrifice.  They fought for our freedom.

It is because of them and all the others who did the same that we could have the day we did… the weekend we did.  We pray for them and for all other men and women who have and do serve.

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Grey’s Anatomy Season Finale – Meredith Grey has a Miscarriage

As a big fan of Grey’s Anatomy, I was sad to watch as Meredith experienced a miscarriage during the season finale (http://abc.go.com/shows/greys-anatomy?CID=yahoo_SEM_UU_1&K_CLICKID=55bf1cc7-c9d8-a6a8-d3d9-000044a78e75).   It will be interesting to see how the show deals with all the emotions, feelings and thoughts that come with losing a baby. I hope they explore how men & women grieve differently for the same loss. This was a topic that we (www.OurHopePlace.com) found very interesting and dedicated part of our website to.

Men, Women, Miscarriage And Grieving Styles         By: Paula Levy

Miscarriage is an emotional and confusing time for most couples. There are few societal rituals for grieving for a miscarriage and the depth of this pain is not well recognized in our culture. In addition, couples have little or no physical existence of their child (pictures, toys, memories) and therefore it becomes difficult for them to validate their loss in the usual ways. Add to this mix the fact that women and men usually grieve differently which can cause miscommunication, hurt and disappointment between them. As a result, a mother and father can have vastly different reactions to a miscarriage. In many cases, the mother doesn’t understand why her husband is not experiencing significant grief and the father doesn’t understand why his wife is so devastated. This can have profound implications for the marriage. http://www.ourhopeplace.com/PaulaLevyExpert.html

Hopefully www.ABC.com & Grey’s Anatomy will truly sink their teeth into the miscarriage topic and Meredith & Derek will have “real life” discussions and reactions to what just happen to them as parents. It would be a great opportunity to help the many women & men who experience the devastation of miscarriage every day. Ways to help someone who has experienced a miscarriage can be found at www.OurHopePlace.com  (http://www.ourhopeplace.com/whattodo.html)

In the real world, Derek could send Meredith a “bracelet of hope” to acknowledge her miscarriage and help her start on her healing journey. We can only Hope! (“bracelet of hope” story – http://www.ourhopeplace.com/BraceletStory.html)

I am amazed at how research can take a long time to complete and then to publish.  Like the recent cell phone study that says, and I am paraphrasing, “… there may be a link between certain brain cancer and cell phones – or there might not be – we (the researchers) can’t agree… so we waited 5 yrs or so to publish…  we needed time to discuss”

Well better late than never…  almost 10 years after 9/11 there is a new research report, well the headline says it all.  There was a rise in miscarriage following 9/11.  And a surprise to me, the increase in miscarriage led to a drop in boy birthrate…  apparently boy fetus are more impacted by stress…  and apparently this is a well documented effect; male birth rates drop following disasters.

We know stress can have debilitating effects, and 9/11 certainly was stressful (sounds like the understatement of the century).  So I get the drop in birthrate, the increase in miscarriage.

Wondering if you have a 9 yr. old…  do you know more boys than girls? Any thoughts?

Take a look…  link

When:  Saturday, June 5, 2010

Where:  Empire State Plaza, Albany, NY
This year ANA is participating in the Freihofer Community Walk, which is part of the annual Freihofer Run for Women. Donations raised at the community walk are given to community organizations of one’s choice. Donations given to ANA will be used to fund ANA programs for bereaved families in need, and stillbirth research.

Walk with us to raise awareness of stillbirth! Participation is free, and there will be live music, great food, vendors and a health and fitness expo!

The Community Walk is on Saturday, June 5th (day before the Still Parents Luncheon).

Register online: www.freihofersrun.com/cw_registration.cfm by June 1st.

Have you been reading the reports?  Angelina is grieving from a miscarriage.  If she did, I am so sorry for her loss.  I hope she has people around her who acknowledge her loss, support her, and take care of her.  I hope she finds OurHopePlace.com and OurHopePlace.wordpress.com and begins her healing journey.

Miscarriage is so common, yet no one really talks about it.  Yes, I know magazines and websites “report” when a famous person has miscarriage.  But no one really talks about it.  And worse, most people don’t know how to help.

I see Holly Robinson Peete on Celebrity Apprentice (yes, not watching Lost tonight, wanted to see Bret, yes he is on).  She and many other famous people are working to cure Autism; a truly important need!  Taking Autism to the public forefront; get research money, get treatment money…  make it better for kids and their families.  This is fabulous!  I wish for the day when Autism is extinct!

I can only hope one day, miscarriage will also cease to exist.  Maybe one day, a group of famous women will come together and raise awareness of miscarriage… maybe there could be a cure one day.

In the meanwhile, at OurHopePlace.com, we to help people heal.   The number one thing to do is to acknowledge the loss.  A simple “I’m sorry” will do.  If you don’t know exactly what to say, that is ok, you can say that too.  Remember there is no magic bullet.  It takes time to recover from a miscarriage.

Want some other ideas on how to help?  Check out our “7 tips on how to help”

Maybe all of Angelina’s family, friends and fans will see this and send/give her the support she needs…  perhaps Google search will pick this up and Angelia will see it…  we can only hope!

Normally I write about miscarriage and how to help women and their families who suffer.

TODAY is DIFFERENT…  today I want to find out what is general consensus regarding bullying.

Situation:  My husband was told by our son’s teacher that a classmate punched our son in the nose today (his nose is now a little swolen). This is the second time in a week that this kid has tried to bullied our son and there has been an incident each month since Dec. What to do?

What my husband has told our son and the school that our son has permission to defend himself even if he has to punch back.  The school Director didn’t like this and said our son should continue to turn the other cheek. My husband told the school I’m not raising a punching bag. Thoughts? Comments?

PS:  our son is 5, he is an entire head taller than the aggressor.  He is using all his self control not to hit back.

Thanks for your advice!!!  Can’t wait to hear.

So many, too many of us have been there.  Fear of pregnancy after miscarriage.  Wondering what your advice would be for this woman…

Her Story:  A little over a month ago, I had an unexplained miscarriage when I was 10 weeks pregnant. My husband and I want to try and conceive again, but I am too scared I will not be able to deal with the constant panic and anxiety. I feel like everytime I go to the bathroom I will be expecting to see blood.  Has anyone been through this – what advice would you give me…  we really want to start our family.

Here is what we sent her, but would really love more comments to send to her, she needs our help.

I am sorry for your loss and pain. I too know the pain and devastation of miscarriage… my 1st pregnancy ended in miscarriage. I asked the dr when I could try again. She said 1 month after my cycle returned. We became pregnant right away… and I was so scared… but I didn’t want to be, I stress wasn’t good for the baby (or me). My friend gave me a special bracelet – I played with the bracelet and forced myself to think positive thoughts any time I was scared… it really helped. At my 20 week ultra sounds, when the dr said, you are having a healthy baby boy, I felt myself exhale… all the stress left. It felt like I was holding my breath for 20 weeks… tear ran down my cheeks – I was so excited! Our son is now 5… All I can say, was it was totally worth it to face my fears…

Over the years, I have known too many people who have suffered miscarriage…. my friend and I started a website and blog to help… maybe it will help you: ourhopeplace.com and ourhopeplace.wordpress.com feel free to visit, read, leave a comment…  I will see if they have additional comments/advice/support for you.

I wish you comfort and happiness… I will keep you in my prayers.

Thanks for your help!

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