Congratulations to Mariah Carey and husband Nick Cannon on the birth of their twins –  a son named Moroccan Scott and a daughter named Monroe.   The twins arrived last Saturday in Los Angeles – just in time for Mother’s Day.  Mariah had previously suffered a miscarriage before having the twins.  Welcome little ones!!!

Full story of names of babies:

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b240080_mariah_careys_baby_names_announced_are.html

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It seems that having a miscarriage has been a big topic on TV recently – both in reality TV and scripted TV.  After watching a bunch of shows dealing with women experiencing miscarriages – I wanted to see who (reality TV or scripted TV) was doing a better job of portraying a miscarriage (based on my own and friends experiences with miscarriage.)

Scripted TV shows which recently talked about miscarriage: 2 examples would be Grey’s Anatomy (character: Meredith Grey) and General Hospital (character: Brenda Barret).

In both shows, the women each cried about the experience but in the days/weeks that passed, the miscarriage did not affect their everyday life or much of what they thought about or discussed.  The dialogue and the feelings of the women on the shows did not represent what 99% of women who have had a miscarriage want to talk about or how they think.  There was no mention about feeling alone, that their world was turned upside down or how afraid they might be about getting pregnant again (would they miscarry again?).  These are thoughts that real women experiencing a miscarriage think about on a daily basis.

Reality TV shows which recently talked about miscarriage: 4 examples would be LXNewYork (Sara Gore), Real Housewives of New Jersey (reruns on NBC),  Giuliana & Bill Rancic (reruns on Mystyle.com) and Lisa Ling on The View.

I was watching LXNewYork –NBC from 5-6pm – the day they had Giuliana & Bill Rancic on talking about their miscarriage experiences and all of a sudden –Sara Gore – the LXNY person started to get upset/tear up during the conversation & it turns out she tells everyone live that she had a miscarriage recently.  Her face said it all – she was surprised at how much the topic got to her -a professional interviewer/news person – how brave of her.  I don’t think she realized until that moment how much her own miscarriage affected her.

Real Housewives of NJ, Jacqueline Laurita, was talking about having her miscarriage and her thoughts about getting pregnant again.   Would she be able to be excited and enjoy getting pregnant again or would the dark cloud of the miscarriage hover over the new pregnancy.  The thought of not being able to fully enjoy her new pregnancy (if it did happen) made her very upset.

Giuliana & Bill Rancic (reruns on Mystyle.com) – The episodes I watched dealt with the couple going through IVF, finding out they were pregnant and then they miscarried at around 7 weeks. (This was the same amount of weeks that I miscarried over 10 years ago.)   Giuliana wondered what she had done to cause the miscarriage.  Even though your doctor usually tells you that miscarriages “just happen” and most times it was nothing that the woman did to cause it – I think as a woman you are always second guessing everything you did from the time you were told you were pregnant till the time you find out you miscarried.

Seeing Bill get upset for his wife and what she was going thru was a nice change from the usual stoic man response that is played out on TV.  (At http://www.OurHopePlace.com there is a whole section on how men and woman grieve differently and also about how the man may be feeling. (http://www.ourhopeplace.com/PaulaLevyExpert.html))

The View & Lisa Ling – she talked about how she recently suffered a miscarriage and how surprised she was to feel all these emotions related to the experience.  She share’s her story here on the View .  In addition, she started a company:  The Secret Society of Women.

Based on my research above I would have to say that Reality TV wins – for honestly and compassionately portraying miscarriage as the devastating experience that it is.

Do you agree with me????- let me know

Since 1 in 5 pregnancies ends in miscarriage; that translates to almost 1 million per year in the US, I am always surprised when the miscarriage topic is touched on for “shock” value but then either downplayed or not discussed in the rest of the scripted TV show at all.  This can leave a lot of woman wondering – “what is wrong with me” when in reality they are left with lots of feelings and thoughts that they do not see portrayed by their favorite TV character.

Our mission at OurHopePlace.com and OurHopePlace.wordpress.com is to change that…  we want to demystify miscarriage.  We want to help women and their families.  Come visit, learn how to help, send a bracelet of hope…  help heal, help give hope.

 

 

Over the holidays I had a chance to catch up with a bunch of reality shows that I don’t always get to watch.  I am not the biggest fan of reality TV for many reason but I give a thumbs up to  “Giuliana & Bill” on MyStyle.com – “Once upon a time, E! News anchor Giuliana DePandi and Apprentice winner Bill Rancic fell in love, got married and settled down…in Chicago and L.A.! So what happens when they try to bring a baby into their real-life romantic comedy?” (http://www.mystyle.com/mystyle/shows/giulianaandbill/index.jsp)

The episodes I watched dealt with the couple going through IVF, finding out they were pregnant and then they miscarried at around 7 weeks.  This was the same amount of weeks that I miscarried over 10 years ago.

I cried as watched the couple go thru the heart wrenching experience – especially Giuliana wondering what she had done to cause the miscarriage.  Even though your doctor usually tells you that miscarriages “just happen” and most times it was nothing that the woman did to cause it – I think as a woman you are always second guessing everything you did from the time you were told you were pregnant till the time you find out you miscarried.

I could also relate to the couple feeling like they were accomplished in so many areas of their life but yet “failing” in the baby-making department.  As if they were being punished for something.

Seeing Bill get upset for his wife and what she was going thru was a nice change from the usual stoic man response that is played out on TV.  At http://www.OurHopePlace.com there is a whole section on how men and woman grieve differently and also about how the man may be feeling. (http://www.ourhopeplace.com/PaulaLevyExpert.html)

I applaud the show for really getting into the true emotions of a couple going through miscarriage.  So many times miscarriage is treated as a moment in time on TV but in real life it can affect you for the rest of your life.  Best of Luck to Giuliana & Bill on their journey to have a family.

Grey’s Anatomy Season Premiere – Meredith Grey has a Miscarriage

It should be interesting to see how ABC deals with Meredith Grey’s miscarriage on tomorrow  night’s  episode – will it be swept under the carpet or will ABC address the “real” feelings, thoughts and emotions that come with experiencing a miscarriage??????  Let us know what you think.

Hopefully www.ABC.com & Grey’s Anatomy will truly sink their teeth into the miscarriage topic and Meredith & Derek will have “real life” discussions and reactions to what just happen to them as parents. It would be a great opportunity to help the many women & men who experience the devastation of miscarriage every day. Ways to help someone who has experienced a miscarriage can be found at  www.OurHopePlace.com  (http://www.ourhopeplace.com/whattodo.html)

Our Post from May 2010

Grey’s Anatomy Season Finale – Meredith Grey has a Miscarriage

As a big fan of Grey’s Anatomy, I was sad to watch as Meredith experienced a miscarriage during the season finale (http://abc.go.com/shows/greys-anatomy?CID=yahoo_SEM_UU_1&K_CLICKID=55bf1cc7-c9d8-a6a8-d3d9-000044a78e75).   It will be interesting to see how the show deals with all the emotions, feelings and thoughts that come with losing a baby. I hope they explore how men & women grieve differently for the same loss. This was a topic that we (www.OurHopePlace.com) found very interesting and dedicated part of our website to.

Men, Women, Miscarriage And Grieving Styles         By: Paula Levy

Miscarriage is an emotional and confusing time for most couples. There are few societal rituals for grieving for a miscarriage and the depth of this pain is not well recognized in our culture. In addition, couples have little or no physical existence of their child (pictures, toys, memories) and therefore it becomes difficult for them to validate their loss in the usual ways. Add to this mix the fact that women and men usually grieve differently which can cause miscommunication, hurt and disappointment between them. As a result, a mother and father can have vastly different reactions to a miscarriage. In many cases, the mother doesn’t understand why her husband is not experiencing significant grief and the father doesn’t understand why his wife is so devastated. This can have profound implications for the marriage. http://www.ourhopeplace.com/PaulaLevyExpert.html

In the real world, Derek could send Meredith a “bracelet of hope” to acknowledge her miscarriage and help her start on her healing journey. We can only Hope! (“bracelet of hope” story – http://www.ourhopeplace.com/BraceletStory.html)

 

Readers, any advice for a very caring husband who has suffered miscarriage loss and is now worried about losing his wife and/or family? (Edit:  so I can see lots of people looking at this post, won’t you leave a reply for this reader.  I have already sent him a note directly, thought you might have additional thoughts to help or let him know he isn’t alone.)

Dear Our Hope Place,

I hope you and/or your readers can help me with this.  I am worried I will lose either my wife or my family or both…  any advice you can offer would be great.  I am at a loss at what to do and who to talk to…  Here is my story:

My wife had a miscarriage back in August  2009. It was difficult but not overly tough. Then my sister told us that she was pregnant and was due in May 2010 (the same month my wife was due in). This sent my wife into a tailspin. She has never gotten along well with my family, ecspecially my sister, but she would always attend family events with a smile. Now she wants nothing to do with my family. n She has completely walled herself off and will not go anywhere near my sister. It is almost as if she thinks my sister did this to us on purpose. For the record, my sister was already pregnant before we told anyone she just did not know it yet. I’m concerned that I am going to loose either the rest of my family or my wife. I cannot stand the thought of loosing either. I have tried to be supportive, but I feel that this is an issue that should have gone away a long time ago and if everytime she sees my sister and her child, it throws my wife into hyster!
ics nothing good will ever come of my wife and my family again. I don’t know what to do or who to talk to. if you have any advice I would appreciate it.

Well, what do you guys think…  We have already replied to this writer directly, but would love any thoughts you have.

I am so excited, I had to share…
It is my dream that miscarriages wouldn’t exist, but since I think it is unlikely that I can erase miscarriage from the dictionary of our lives, I can try to help in other ways…  I can help with healing!  And that is what we do at Our Hope Place – based on our own personal experience and our collective helping each other, as well as friends and family heal…  
Recently two of our friends at Ladies Who Launch (LWL), Stella Grizont and Rebecca Hendrix, were interviewed on Channel 12 “On The Money”, talking about LWL helps women launch businesses.  They highlighted Our Hope Place and our bracelet of hope – we are thankful for them getting the word out… the more we share, the more we can women and their family’s suffer a little less.
Here is the link to watch the show!
our segment begins at around 5min30 seconds into the show.
We are very excited!