As I previously posed, right now I have 6 ideas/steps that helped me find happiness after my miscarriage:
1. Adopting an optimistic view.
2. Optimism is a skill set that can be learned; a muscle that needs exercising.
3. Even though you don’t understand why things are happening, know that “the universe is unfolding as it should”. (Reflects a poem called Desiderata)
4. God (what ever you perceive him/her to be) only gives you as much as you can handle… and I am strong (I might be tired of being strong, but I am strong and I can handle and learn and thrive).
5. Moving forward is a choice – let’s get going – embracing is good.
6. I believe in the power of positive thinking!
Because I don’t really think blogs should be so long (and this one is already getting there), I will write about each step over the next few days (ok, might be 2 weeks – well see.)
2: Optimism is a skill set that can be learned; a muscle that needs exercising.
That’s right, optimism can be learned, like anything else, say like learning to play the violin. And it takes practice, so that people will want to hear you play vs. make the dog howl. It is about having goals and plans to achieve them. It is about altering plans when life doesn’t go as expected (and it rarely does).
There have been all kinds of studies on this – there are people who dedicate their lives to this work… your brain gets used to working a certain way. You need to train it to work in an optimistic way… you need to practice.
Focusing on the positive it key… some examples:
– When I had my miscarriage I didn’t think I would ever be happy again, really. Then my friend helped me out. She too knew the devastation of miscarriage. She talked to me, she listened, she answered questions, and she gave me a special bracelet. I wore it everyday to remind me of hope. Hope inspired by my friend, if she could have it, then maybe I could to. I used the bracelet everyday, when I needed something positive to focus on, something to help me stop thinking of how say I really was. And you know what happened. It worked, I grieved, and I moved on. Optimism got me through!
– When my son was just over 6 months old, I woke up one morning with terrible pain from my ribs to my hips, all around. I couldn’t really pin point it, but there was a stabbing pain by my right kidney. My husband drove us to the drs office, who sent me to the hospital with what he thought was appendicitis. When I was in the emergency room, an intern, oh did I mention this happened in July? Never go to the ER in July if you can avoid it. So this intern, who had been at the hospital for maybe 5 minutes, comes in and asks me how much do I feel. I say it feels like stage 2 back labor. He replies, “what does that mean, I haven’t had that rotation”. Right. Then he moves my leg, and pronounces, right, not an appendix issue, rather you have intestinal cancer or Krones (spelling?) Disease. I looked at my little son, then at my husband, and said, “get him out of here, and get me a real doctor. Well it turns out it was my appendix, it was removed and is well. It took almost 23 hrs at the hospital for them to figure it out. When all was done, I called my parents, and they said, we are glad you are well… then interestingly, they said, wow you could use a break… I was thinking I had already had a break… when you are faced with cancer, Krones, or your appendix, heck, I won the lottery.
– Another example, I was flying recently. We were delayed, the flight was crowded, … the person behind me in line was complaining quite a bit. Then he said to me, “that was the worst flight ever. Wasn’t it? That was the worst.” I looked at him and said, “No I don’t think that was the worst flight ever. The worst flight crashes.” And he looked at me in disbelief, then said, “your right”. Perspective. I was happy we had landed, I was going to meet friends for a fun weekend.
So ask yourself, what is the good here? How will this lead to something positive? Find the joy, even if it is a little thing, find the joy in what you are doing in life. I try to find joy in each day,… it could be a bird chirping, the sun setting, a great presentation, the way my husband looks at me, or just about anything my son does.
I really think my optimistic attitude has helped me out! I think my skills have improved during the most difficult time in my life, and help me now. In life there will always be obstacles, it is how we handle them that matters. And wouldn’t you rather go through life with a smile?