April 2011

We found this posting and had to share…

We are sorry for the loss and pain Marie and her husband have endured.  We applaud her sharing her story and suggesting that we need to “break the silence about miscarriage”.   You can read her article here

She likens admitting her miscarriage to being at an AA Meeting…  a taboo subject that involves shame.  She describes her miscarriage like many people:  feeling alone, knowing no one who had gone through this – only to find that they knew many people who had.  That they couldn’t smile, the birds didn’t sing, and life seemed dark.

Then comes the self blame and questioning…  “I must have done something to cause this, what?” and “Why?”

The lack of information…  why don’t we know what causes a miscarriage?

Then she gets to what we (at OurHopePlace) talk about…  that we need to start a dialogue.  That we need to take miscarriage out of the shadows and whispers.  We need to help people not feel so alone.  We need to help people feel less frightened…  we need to help with the healing!

Won’t you help?

Earlier this year Republican Bobby Franklin, Marietta, Georgia introduced a bill that would make miscarriage a crime; murder in fact, punishable by death.  HUH!?!  The bill has language that says it must be proven that there was no human involvement whatsoever in the causation of the miscarriage.

Many thoughts are running through my mind, but let’s go with the facts and be rational first:

– Miscarriage is all too common:  1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage…  so we are talking about lots and lots of women

-Doctors generally don’t know the causes of most miscarriage – just that the fetus isn’t forming as it should…  so if they don’t know the cause how can anyone prove “no human involvement whatsoever”?

-There is even the issue that often, women don’t even know they are pregnant and miscarry…  what to do then..

– I wonder, how could an elected official, how could anyone spend any resource on this insanity?  At a time when the economy is tanking, deficit is escalating, how could we squander our limited resources…  This republican should be flogged… and then removed from office.  And he should write a big, fat check to cover anything put against this.

– and to a lesser extent, we already went through this last year…  and it was put to bed – thrown out.

– Now that I have been “rational”, I need to put in some additional thoughts.

A woman suffers a miscarriage – it is devastating.  She is suffering.  Can she get help – medically and emotionally?  Well if this legislation passes – it would open her up to potential criminal charges.  So a woman is devastated, in pain, suffering, and we give society yet another reason to shun her.  Even worse, we punish her?  Outrage!!!

Sometimes I am amazed at how people take their eye off the ball… Franklin isn’t there a better issue to focus your time on?  Please read our blog – see the pain, the real pain women are going through.  And find a different way forward…

From a recent contact at OurHopePlace

My name is Sarah, I am 25 years old. I found out on Saturday April 9,2011  that i was expecting a baby and i was really excited and scared at the same time! The baby’s dad was really upset and told me that he was not going to take part in the life of our child. So i got even more scared cause i knew that i would have to go through this alone! Sunday i started telling some friends and Monday April 10,2011  i was planing on telling my parents what was going on. Well that plan fell like rain on a rainy day i went to the bathroom and i had nothing but blood in the toilet! I had my mom take me to the ER and i got checked out and i lost the baby! I am having a really hard time with this cause not to many people know about this and i feel alone cause since the miss carriage i have lost some friends cause they said they don’t want me to be in there lives anymore. I have my mom to talk to but i need a friend and some one that has time to just sit and listen. I am still looking for that person! I was wondering if you guys could help in this process at all? I have looked at your site all day and i tell you what i have cried most of the time, some of it was good tears. I really think what you two have put together is something really special for someone like me and i hope that my grieving goes smooth like yours was.
Thanks for the time
We have written back to Sarah so she knows she is not alone…  comment on this post if you would like to offer support as well (I am sure a kind word would go very far!)

Love learning new things…  here is today’s…

Dr. Robbins, a diversity expert, talks to the power of inclusion…  “his recent work in neuroscience suggests that we live life rather mindlessly. Although mindless behavior allows us to use our body’s energy efficiently (good for survival long ago), it can also lead to mistakes.”  And if we behave our way into a problem, we will have to behave our way out of it…  of course a little awareness is needed…

Right, so what does this have to do with miscarriage.  Anything?  Well, this area of mindlessness has me thinking…  while miscarriage is so common, as a society we don’t really talk about it.  We don’t really know how to help…  what are we to do if we learn someone has a miscarriage – more often than not, nothing.  Are we treating miscarriage “mindlessly” – are we trained how to act with certain losses(send a card, attend a funeral, etc) but not others?  Is it easier to avoid?

Whatever it is, we need to STOP!  And more importantly, we need to HELP!

Need ideas, click here.  As Dr.  Robbin’s says, we need to be “tall trees” – face the strong winds head on!  We are needed!  Won’t you help?

Usually I write about miscarriage and hope…  because while your in the moment all might seem hopeless, but we at OurHopePlace are here to let you know you are not alone and there is hope…

But today, I am writing about assuming positive intent (without any link to miscarriage).  Ask yourself, do you assume positive intent?  Do you for some people and not for others?  Why or why not?  Trust probably comes into play… (a subject for another day).

Here is an interesting article, great lead in and some interesting questions to ponder:  Assume Positive Intent by Marilyn Lustgarten

“I can’t believe anyone would do something so stupid!” How quick and automatic is the leap from believing in someone one minute to flying off the handle in anger the next when someone does something so contrary to our expectations!

When we immediately start to rant in frustration over someone else’s action or decision without the benefit of understanding the why behind their motivation, then our reaction says a lot more about us than it does about them.

According to a new study in the International Journal of Psychology, the effects of anger can last 7 days. If being disappointed by others actions immediately makes you see red, then imagine the cumulative affect on your attitude and therefore, on your organization, if you are always at some point on the continuum of getting angry to staying angry to getting over being angry – about something that might not be based on reality!

The next time something happens that you didn’t expect or wouldn’t have done, stop and ask yourself these five questions before rushing to judge someone’s negative intentions:

1. How do I know that the person’s intention was bad?

Chances are you’re making assumptions and so, are overlooking the possibility that the other person could have had more or different information or another interpretation and based his or her decision to act accordingly.

2. Is my concern self-focused?

Like the father of the family in the movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” who lamented, “Why is this happening to me?” every time something didn’t go as planned, you are likely more worried about how you will be personally affected by what the other person did more than any real negative consequences to the organization.

3. Were my expectations clear?

No one should be expected to presume to know what you want or when you want it to be done.

4. Could it have been a mistake?

There’s an old saying, “If the learner hasn’t learned, then the teacher hasn’t taught.” Someone who is learning or doing something for the first time isn’t trying to mess up on purpose!

5. Why am I so angry?

That’s really the “$64,000 question.” You might need help exploring the reasons behind your outrage and learning how to better control your emotions.

It’s a leader’s job to gain followers by inspiring confidence. People are so complex, and so different – moved by different motives, controlled by different circumstances, and influenced by different experiences. Before you think the worst, find out the facts, and assume positive intent in the meantime. Most people are doing what they think is best for the right reasons. Assuming that will take you a long way.

Marilyn Lustgarten, executive coach and president of The Star Makers Group, works with leaders interested in achieving good to great performance. She also speaks and writes on strategic leadership issues and organizational transformation. Contact her at http://www.starmakersgroup.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Marilyn_Lustgarten

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/1284599

Tonight as I was making Easter preparations, my mother in law and I watched Country Strong.  I must have been living in the dark b/c I didn’t know the plot of the movie other than it’s a comeback story and Gwyneth Paltrow sings.

Did you see the movie…  if you haven’t, spoiler alert coming…

Movie plot: Kelly Canter (GP’s character) has an alcohol problem, gets drunk when she is 5 months pregnant, trips while on stage, falls, and loses the baby.  So much devastation!  The movie ends with Kelly giving the most amazing performance, then she pops pills and commits suicide.  (I did say spoiler…)

How I wish this movie ended in a different place…  may be trite, but I am a sucker for a happy ending; believe in hope.  How about this for an ending, build off the tag line, “it doesn’t matter where you’ve been as long as you come back strong”.

Things happen in life; some great, some good, and some that well are at the other end of the spectrum, and just really stink (you thought I was going to write something else, didn’t you, I thought it).  It is how you deal with those times/things that is important…  that is what the study of optimism is all about.  That you have a goal, obstacles come up, and you deal with them…

It is the notion of coming back strong that is so great.  I had a miscarriage.  It was devastating.  But I became pregnant again, I was scared for the 1st 20 weeks…  and I have been thankful for the past 6 years for my amazing son.  I feel I have come back stronger…

That is my wish for you…  come back strong.  Believe.  Know you are not alone.  It does get better.

Did you see the report? What did you think?
For those who didn’t see, seems some women are finding success with yoga. It is a great stress reducer. Promotes good health. All good! Also, looks like there are special classes for women who are dealing with infertility, so you can get support too! How cool is that!

The doctors say there is any real study or proof, but the woman highlighted who now has a little boy seemed like a good bit of proof for me.
Loved the last tine,,, what could it hurt?

Make sure you talk to your doctor before starting any yoga or other exercise program.

Let me know what you think…

Help someone who has suffered from miscarriage by acknowledging her loss.

Experts say:

Sending a gift like those offered through OurHopePlace.com or OurHopePlace.wordpress.com, offer concrete acknowledgement of a painful loss which, more often than not is ignored or downplayed.

Items you can find include:

Read the bracelet of hope story to learn more
The simple, yet beautiful bracelet is a companion that 

travels along the healing journey with you.

At first it is a distraction. Offering play factor, driven

by the double stranded, elastic banding that can be

twisted and played with any time you think about the

miscarriage (which will be often).

As time goes by, the bracelet becomes a symbol

of hope. Hope that one day, joy will come back to you.

The larger, center, hand carved bead is the hope

bead. It is a tangible symbol of hope.

The light jade color is soothing. It is the most

peaceful color on the eyes. It can be worn

everyday, and blends into any style of dress

from casual to black tie (we know, we’ve tried).

Since jade is naturally occurring, each bracelet

will vary slightly in color. The bracelet is

approximately 7” around, beads are made of

semiprecious jade, and the center hope bead is

hand carved aventurine jade.

$27.00 + any taxes and shipping
Click photo to
enlarge image 

Click here to order

Each bracelet is placed in a white organza bag, 

with a short description of the bracelet and how

to use it.  The bag is attached to a bookmark

with inspirational words.  The order is wrapped

in white tissue paper.


In Glamour Magazine’s September issue there is an article that I could really relate to (actual magazine – page 396 or http://www.glamour.com/health-fitness/2010/08/recovering-after-a-miscarriage-the-baby-i-lost-and-the-life-she-gave-me.)

The article by Katharine O’Connell White called “Recovering After a Miscarriage: The Baby I Lost …and the Life She Gave Me” is about a woman (an ob-gyn herself) who passed out at work when she was seven months pregnant and went on to lose her baby due to medical complications.  Katharine talks about being “the patient” after usually being the doctor in these kinds of situations.

I love how she candidly writes about many of the feelings and emotions that happen after a miscarriage:

– the “crushing grief” after she found out from her husband that she had lost her baby girl Samantha.

– how she ended up comforting the visitors who came to see her in the hospital until she was exhausted.

-the feelings she had when her husband Chad returned to work and “he reclaimed some normalcy before I could.”  “Chad was moving on.  It wasn’t his body; he wasn’t the one who almost died.  I hated him, and envied him, for being OK.  I wanted to be that strong.”

– not being able to celebrate/be happy once she was pregnant again.  Katharine wrote, “I was pregnant again.  I couldn’t take the same joy in it this time – no gifts, no shower, no talking about the baby.”  “It wasn’t until I held my son in the recovery room that I really believed everything was OK.”

When you go through a tragedy like losing a baby/experiencing a miscarriage –  you believe that you are the only one at that time who can ever feel so bad, lonely, sad, etc.  When you can relate to someone else (by talking, reading an article or book) who has gone thru the same kind of loss , you can then see that you are not alone and start your healing journey.

Thanks to Katharine for sharing her story and as she puts it – “How do you find strength in the face of tragedy?  The honest answer is you don’t.  You take a breath, then another.  You simply keep going.”  Or as we like to say – you find a new normal.

Please visit www.OurHopePlace.com if you have experienced a miscarriage or are looking for ways to help a friend/loved one who has experienced a misacarriage.


From a contact at OurHopePlace.com

What I wish I knew at 20 that I know now…
When you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, remember that every job you take, mistake you make or relationship you leave are allstepping stones down the path of the person you are meant to be. Even though you can’t see it now, you have a purpose and a destiny that will be revealed as time goes on. So be patient and open to the experiences that life brings you. And, enjoy the journey!