February 2011


It seems that having a miscarriage has been a big topic on TV recently – both in reality TV and scripted TV.  After watching a bunch of shows dealing with women experiencing miscarriages – I wanted to see who (reality TV or scripted TV) was doing a better job of portraying a miscarriage (based on my own and friends experiences with miscarriage.)

Scripted TV shows which recently talked about miscarriage: 2 examples would be Grey’s Anatomy (character: Meredith Grey) and General Hospital (character: Brenda Barret).

In both shows, the women each cried about the experience but in the days/weeks that passed, the miscarriage did not affect their everyday life or much of what they thought about or discussed.  The dialogue and the feelings of the women on the shows did not represent what 99% of women who have had a miscarriage want to talk about or how they think.  There was no mention about feeling alone, that their world was turned upside down or how afraid they might be about getting pregnant again (would they miscarry again?).  These are thoughts that real women experiencing a miscarriage think about on a daily basis.

Reality TV shows which recently talked about miscarriage: 4 examples would be LXNewYork (Sara Gore), Real Housewives of New Jersey (reruns on NBC),  Giuliana & Bill Rancic (reruns on Mystyle.com) and Lisa Ling on The View.

I was watching LXNewYork –NBC from 5-6pm – the day they had Giuliana & Bill Rancic on talking about their miscarriage experiences and all of a sudden –Sara Gore – the LXNY person started to get upset/tear up during the conversation & it turns out she tells everyone live that she had a miscarriage recently.  Her face said it all – she was surprised at how much the topic got to her -a professional interviewer/news person – how brave of her.  I don’t think she realized until that moment how much her own miscarriage affected her.

Real Housewives of NJ, Jacqueline Laurita, was talking about having her miscarriage and her thoughts about getting pregnant again.   Would she be able to be excited and enjoy getting pregnant again or would the dark cloud of the miscarriage hover over the new pregnancy.  The thought of not being able to fully enjoy her new pregnancy (if it did happen) made her very upset.

Giuliana & Bill Rancic (reruns on Mystyle.com) – The episodes I watched dealt with the couple going through IVF, finding out they were pregnant and then they miscarried at around 7 weeks. (This was the same amount of weeks that I miscarried over 10 years ago.)   Giuliana wondered what she had done to cause the miscarriage.  Even though your doctor usually tells you that miscarriages “just happen” and most times it was nothing that the woman did to cause it – I think as a woman you are always second guessing everything you did from the time you were told you were pregnant till the time you find out you miscarried.

Seeing Bill get upset for his wife and what she was going thru was a nice change from the usual stoic man response that is played out on TV.  (At http://www.OurHopePlace.com there is a whole section on how men and woman grieve differently and also about how the man may be feeling. (http://www.ourhopeplace.com/PaulaLevyExpert.html))

The View & Lisa Ling – she talked about how she recently suffered a miscarriage and how surprised she was to feel all these emotions related to the experience.  She share’s her story here on the View .  In addition, she started a company:  The Secret Society of Women.

Based on my research above I would have to say that Reality TV wins – for honestly and compassionately portraying miscarriage as the devastating experience that it is.

Do you agree with me????- let me know

Since 1 in 5 pregnancies ends in miscarriage; that translates to almost 1 million per year in the US, I am always surprised when the miscarriage topic is touched on for “shock” value but then either downplayed or not discussed in the rest of the scripted TV show at all.  This can leave a lot of woman wondering – “what is wrong with me” when in reality they are left with lots of feelings and thoughts that they do not see portrayed by their favorite TV character.

Our mission at OurHopePlace.com and OurHopePlace.wordpress.com is to change that…  we want to demystify miscarriage.  We want to help women and their families.  Come visit, learn how to help, send a bracelet of hope…  help heal, help give hope.

 

 

It happens a lot…  in fact almost a million times in a year in the US alone, a woman will have a miscarriage.  Because of, well I really don’t know why, but for some reason the woman and her family is normally left alone in silence, suffering.

Well, today as I was watching LXNewYork – channel 4 from 5-6pm – they had Giuliana & Bill Rancic on – I have blogged about them and commented on their site – anyway – Sara Gore – the LX person started to get upset/tear up during the conversation & it turns out she tells everyone live that she had a miscarriage recently.  How brave of her.  How much she must be suffering… and this is her asking for our help!  So,  i hopped on the LXNY live stream  http://lxtvlive.com/chat.php to say I was sorry and to share OurHopePlace in an effort to help.  Then I went to their Facebook page – and commented again (I wanted to make sure she knew our thoughts were with her, and that we can help)  http://www.facebook.com/lxnewyork.  Tomorrow we are sending Sara a bracelet.

We are thinking of you Sara.

-Laura

Watching “The Good Wife”.  Tonight’s episode centers around miscarriage; specifically a class action suit where a neighborhood has become a “hot spot” or pocket of miscarriage (I think they are saying they can’t have children as well).  Two law firms are trying to sign up families for the law suit.

In addition, the other attorney, played by Michael J. Fox, says he left his high powered in house counsel role when his wife had a miscarriage.  In fact, his wife says he left his job immediately to be home with his wife to help her.  And now he is trying to help other women and their families in a class action law suit.

There is other stuff going on in the show as well… but let’s not lose sight of what is important…  this show is centering on miscarriage, the loss of a baby.  They have shown some, well little, but some of the emotion of what it is like to lose a child.  What it’s like to walk into the nursery that your child will never sleep in.

When you have a miscarriage, there is loss unlike other losses.  There is the loss of hope, the loss of dreams.  There are no memories or photos to help comfort.  And quite often your friends and family won’t know how to help; they will leave you alone.

1 in 5 pregnancies ends in miscarriage; that translates to almost 1 million per year in the US.  While it is all too common, we still consider the subject taboo.

Our mission at OurHopePlace.com and OurHopePlace.wordpress.com is to change that…  we want to demystify miscarriage.  We want to help women and their families.  Come visit, learn how to help, send a bracelet of hope…  help heal, help give hope.

And thank you to the people at The Good Wife for putting this subject front and center!

If the stats are right, and from personal experience I know they are, either you and/or someone you know has suffered a miscarriage.

The sense of loss is overwhelming.  The sense of failure rocks you to your core.  And then you go through this alone… because, well there are many reasons.  No one knows what to say, they don’t want to say the wrong thing, they feel uncomfortable…  and so on.  At the time when we should most help someone, society leaves them alone and suffering.

That’s where we come in.  At OurHopePlace.com we give ideas on how to help someone.  At our blog OurHopePlace.wordpress.com we share pain and loss.  We share stories of hope.  It’s all about healing and hope.

That’s why we find stories of hope, stories of healing we are compelled to share…  Lisa Ling recently suffered a miscarriage.  She share’s her story here on the View In addition, she started a company:  The Secret Society of Women.

At OurHopePlace.com we talk about having a miscarriage is like joining a sisterhood you didn’t want to or didn’t know about.   If you or someone you know becomes a member, acknowledge her loss.  Offer help…  don’t let her suffer alone.  Make a difference!

The Real Housewives of New Jersey and Miscarriage.

While making my lunch last week I turned on the TV and found the first season (?) of The Real Housewives of NJ.  (NBC is re-running old episodes.)  I grew up in NJ and not far from the town the reality show is filmed in so I started watching.

I happen to catch the episode where one of The Real Housewives, Jacqueline Laurita, was talking about having her miscarriage and her thoughts about getting pregnant again.   Would she be able to be excited and enjoy getting pregnant again or would the dark cloud of the miscarriage hover over the new pregnancy.  The thought of not being able to fully enjoy her new pregnancy (if it did happen) made her very upset.

Having experienced a miscarriage myself,  I could totally relate to her feelings.  “Would I be able to enjoy my pregnancy after my miscarriage” or “would I be so worried that I would miscarry again” –  were my daily thoughts.

I believe most women who have experienced a miscarriage have these thoughts – unfortunately at the time they are having these thoughts they are thinking they are the only woman who is thinking like this – adding to the loneliness of their miscarriage.

If you know someone who has experienced a miscarriage – please let her know:

1) she is not alone – 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage

2) 99% of any thoughts she is having about her miscarriage have been thought of by most women who have had a miscarriage

3)encourage her to reach out to her friends and family and talk about her miscarriage – most likely she will find many other woman in her social circle who have also experienced a miscarriage

4)have her visit OurHopePlace.com (http://www.ourhopeplace.com)

where she can find comfort and advice from us and others who have gone before her on our healing journey from miscarriage

Thanks to Jacqueline for her honesty and “reality” about miscarriage.  And I do know that in later episodes Jacqueline welcomes a healthy baby boy – Congrats!!

From a recent contact at OurHopeplace.com.

Hi there, I wasn’t sure where to send this, but I would like to extend an invitation to you to read my recent blog entry regarding my miscarriages and the old saying “things happen for a reason” it may give someone hope..
http://oneaquariusmama.blogspot.com/

When you read this blog you will be amazed at the strength of our friend.  Our heart goes out to her.  We are so sorry for you loss.  And we are very happy for the joy you have found…

Thanks for sharing your story!