With this bill the state recognizes stillbirth as a significant event that others can recognize.  Read below for more information.

If you can send the below snail mail letter, it would be very much appreciated!  If you forward to others, please stress that this is the only letter that can be sent to the Governor – no changes, no exceptions. Thank you!!!

 We have one last request to ask of you. We need letters mailed to Governor Cuomo. Lots of letters.

Below is the letter to use.  Those close to the Governor have strongly urged us to use this form letter, rather than write letters of support using personal stories. Our bill has unfairly been drawn into the pro-choice/life debate and we have made some concessions this year that has enabled it to pass both houses.

 

We can’t take any chances. We have one opportunity to let the Governor know how important this bill is. If he vetos the bill, we will need to start all over in January.

 

Once the Governor signs the bill into law, we will encourage you to write your own thank you note and share your stories, then. But for now, please only use the form letter below.

ENVELOPE:

Address and mail to: Kristin Ross, Legislative Secretary, Capitol Room 239, Albany NY 12224

On lower left corner of envelope write: “A.8178a / S.3111b In Support of Certificate of Still Birth”

LETTER:

 

[DATE]

 

Honorable Andrew M. Cuomo
Governor, State of New York
The Capitol
Albany, NY 12224

Dear Governor Cuomo,

On June 16th the New York legislature overwhelmingly passed a bill to provide a Certificate of Still Birth. Bills A.8178a & S.3111b help provide much-needed comfort, dignity, and documentation to women and their families who have experienced the tragedy of stillbirth. This public health crisis devastates more than 1,700 New York families each year, and nearly 30,000 nationwide.

 

In [YEAR], I [my sister, my aunt, my brother, my friend, etc] suffered the stillbirth of my [son/daughter/grandchild/niece/nephew, etc] and saw family, friends and colleagues struggle to find words of comfort. With this bill the state recognizes stillbirth as a significant event that others can recognize.

 

All states, including New York, require the family to pay for funeral and burial or cremation expenses, and a death certificate is issued. Although a fetal demise is considered as both a birth and a death as per NYS Public Health law, until now New York did not consider the option of a Certificate of Still Birth.

 

This bill will increase awareness of stillbirth, and in doing so may stimulate the allotment of research funds to uncover the etiologies of stillbirth, most of which are unknown at this time. With more information, women and families will be better prepared to maintain healthy pregnancies.

 

I strongly urge your support of Assembly bill A.8178a and Senate bill S.3111b. Thank you in advance for helping countless New York families who have experienced stillbirth and are eagerly awaiting your support as the bill is signed into law.

 

Sincerely,

 

Name – Address – Phone

 

 

From the TODAY Show this morning:

Marc Sedaka stood by while he and his wife endured endless rounds of drug therapies, 16 artificial inseminations, 10 in-vitro fertilizations, three miscarriages and, finally, a gestational surrogate who carried their twin girls to term. With the help of his own infertility doctor, Dr. Gregory Rosen, Sedaka has crafted the book “What He Can Expect When She’s Not Expecting: How to Support Your Wife, Save Your Marriage, and Conquer Infertility.” Here is an excerpt.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/42096898/ns/today-books/

It is great to hear a man’s point of view when it comes to infertility.  So many times (as also the case with miscarriage) the woman grieves silently and feels alone as the man “seems” to get back to his “normal” life.  Just the idea of knowing you are not alone in your situation can help.  Thanks for sharing your story.  http://www.OurHopePlace.com – “Helping friends cope, hope and heal after a miscarriage.”

It seems that having a miscarriage has been a big topic on TV recently – both in reality TV and scripted TV.  After watching a bunch of shows dealing with women experiencing miscarriages – I wanted to see who (reality TV or scripted TV) was doing a better job of portraying a miscarriage (based on my own and friends experiences with miscarriage.)

Scripted TV shows which recently talked about miscarriage: 2 examples would be Grey’s Anatomy (character: Meredith Grey) and General Hospital (character: Brenda Barret).

In both shows, the women each cried about the experience but in the days/weeks that passed, the miscarriage did not affect their everyday life or much of what they thought about or discussed.  The dialogue and the feelings of the women on the shows did not represent what 99% of women who have had a miscarriage want to talk about or how they think.  There was no mention about feeling alone, that their world was turned upside down or how afraid they might be about getting pregnant again (would they miscarry again?).  These are thoughts that real women experiencing a miscarriage think about on a daily basis.

Reality TV shows which recently talked about miscarriage: 4 examples would be LXNewYork (Sara Gore), Real Housewives of New Jersey (reruns on NBC),  Giuliana & Bill Rancic (reruns on Mystyle.com) and Lisa Ling on The View.

I was watching LXNewYork –NBC from 5-6pm – the day they had Giuliana & Bill Rancic on talking about their miscarriage experiences and all of a sudden –Sara Gore – the LXNY person started to get upset/tear up during the conversation & it turns out she tells everyone live that she had a miscarriage recently.  Her face said it all – she was surprised at how much the topic got to her -a professional interviewer/news person – how brave of her.  I don’t think she realized until that moment how much her own miscarriage affected her.

Real Housewives of NJ, Jacqueline Laurita, was talking about having her miscarriage and her thoughts about getting pregnant again.   Would she be able to be excited and enjoy getting pregnant again or would the dark cloud of the miscarriage hover over the new pregnancy.  The thought of not being able to fully enjoy her new pregnancy (if it did happen) made her very upset.

Giuliana & Bill Rancic (reruns on Mystyle.com) – The episodes I watched dealt with the couple going through IVF, finding out they were pregnant and then they miscarried at around 7 weeks. (This was the same amount of weeks that I miscarried over 10 years ago.)   Giuliana wondered what she had done to cause the miscarriage.  Even though your doctor usually tells you that miscarriages “just happen” and most times it was nothing that the woman did to cause it – I think as a woman you are always second guessing everything you did from the time you were told you were pregnant till the time you find out you miscarried.

Seeing Bill get upset for his wife and what she was going thru was a nice change from the usual stoic man response that is played out on TV.  (At http://www.OurHopePlace.com there is a whole section on how men and woman grieve differently and also about how the man may be feeling. (http://www.ourhopeplace.com/PaulaLevyExpert.html))

The View & Lisa Ling – she talked about how she recently suffered a miscarriage and how surprised she was to feel all these emotions related to the experience.  She share’s her story here on the View .  In addition, she started a company:  The Secret Society of Women.

Based on my research above I would have to say that Reality TV wins – for honestly and compassionately portraying miscarriage as the devastating experience that it is.

Do you agree with me????- let me know

Since 1 in 5 pregnancies ends in miscarriage; that translates to almost 1 million per year in the US, I am always surprised when the miscarriage topic is touched on for “shock” value but then either downplayed or not discussed in the rest of the scripted TV show at all.  This can leave a lot of woman wondering – “what is wrong with me” when in reality they are left with lots of feelings and thoughts that they do not see portrayed by their favorite TV character.

Our mission at OurHopePlace.com and OurHopePlace.wordpress.com is to change that…  we want to demystify miscarriage.  We want to help women and their families.  Come visit, learn how to help, send a bracelet of hope…  help heal, help give hope.

 

 

Over the holidays I had a chance to catch up with a bunch of reality shows that I don’t always get to watch.  I am not the biggest fan of reality TV for many reason but I give a thumbs up to  “Giuliana & Bill” on MyStyle.com – “Once upon a time, E! News anchor Giuliana DePandi and Apprentice winner Bill Rancic fell in love, got married and settled down…in Chicago and L.A.! So what happens when they try to bring a baby into their real-life romantic comedy?” (http://www.mystyle.com/mystyle/shows/giulianaandbill/index.jsp)

The episodes I watched dealt with the couple going through IVF, finding out they were pregnant and then they miscarried at around 7 weeks.  This was the same amount of weeks that I miscarried over 10 years ago.

I cried as watched the couple go thru the heart wrenching experience – especially Giuliana wondering what she had done to cause the miscarriage.  Even though your doctor usually tells you that miscarriages “just happen” and most times it was nothing that the woman did to cause it – I think as a woman you are always second guessing everything you did from the time you were told you were pregnant till the time you find out you miscarried.

I could also relate to the couple feeling like they were accomplished in so many areas of their life but yet “failing” in the baby-making department.  As if they were being punished for something.

Seeing Bill get upset for his wife and what she was going thru was a nice change from the usual stoic man response that is played out on TV.  At http://www.OurHopePlace.com there is a whole section on how men and woman grieve differently and also about how the man may be feeling. (http://www.ourhopeplace.com/PaulaLevyExpert.html)

I applaud the show for really getting into the true emotions of a couple going through miscarriage.  So many times miscarriage is treated as a moment in time on TV but in real life it can affect you for the rest of your life.  Best of Luck to Giuliana & Bill on their journey to have a family.

After suffering a miscarriage, many women feel very alone with their thoughts and feelings.  Thank you to Celine Dion & Mariah Carey for going public with their miscarriages and candidly talking about how they got through their devastating experience.  By demystifying miscarriage and talking about it openly – whether to your friends, family or to the public – we help one another not to feel so alone.

Good News for Celine & Mariah:

On October 23, 2010 Celine Dion gave birth to healthy twin boys named Nelson (named after Nelson Mandela) and Eddy (named after Eddy Marnay)! Congratulations Celine, René, and René-Charles!

In the last week Mariah Carey and husband Nick announced they were pregnant again and doing well.

On Friday, October 1, 2010 – I happen to catch part of ABC‘s TV show – The View and found myself tearing up for their guests.  The topic was: Bill & Giuliana Rancic Discuss Their Miscarriage. 

Both Bill and his wife were very frank about their emotions and thoughts during their months of  trying to have a baby.  Giuliana talked about her miscarriage and feeling guilty about losing the baby which turned into thoughts of “what is wrong with me/my body.”  Bill expressed thoughts of trying to stay strong for his wife and upon hearing his wife blaming herself for the miscarriage he said, “It broke my heart.” 

Sherri Shepherd and Barbara Walters (co-hosts of The View) are also miscarriage survivors and had great things to say to the couple.  Sherri went on to have her son after losing a twin girl and Barbara adopted a daughter after a few miscarriages.

Whoopi Goldberg (co-host) also had something very sweet to say to the couple – the idea that they had a visitor (the miscarried baby) that came to see if they were ready and he would return soon.

Thank you to both Bill & Giuliana for being strong enough and candid enough to share both sides of their miscarriage – the woman’s view & the man’s view.  I hope that other miscarriage survivors were able to see they are not alone in their grief.  For the full story – go to: http://theview.abc.go.com/blog/friday-bill-giuliana-rancic-discuss-their-miscarriage

http://www.OurHope Place.com has a section of how men and women grieve differently – http://www.ourhopeplace.com/PaulaLevyExpert.html

Grey’s Anatomy Season Premiere – Meredith Grey has a Miscarriage

It should be interesting to see how ABC deals with Meredith Grey’s miscarriage on tomorrow  night’s  episode – will it be swept under the carpet or will ABC address the “real” feelings, thoughts and emotions that come with experiencing a miscarriage??????  Let us know what you think.

Hopefully www.ABC.com & Grey’s Anatomy will truly sink their teeth into the miscarriage topic and Meredith & Derek will have “real life” discussions and reactions to what just happen to them as parents. It would be a great opportunity to help the many women & men who experience the devastation of miscarriage every day. Ways to help someone who has experienced a miscarriage can be found at  www.OurHopePlace.com  (http://www.ourhopeplace.com/whattodo.html)

Our Post from May 2010

Grey’s Anatomy Season Finale – Meredith Grey has a Miscarriage

As a big fan of Grey’s Anatomy, I was sad to watch as Meredith experienced a miscarriage during the season finale (http://abc.go.com/shows/greys-anatomy?CID=yahoo_SEM_UU_1&K_CLICKID=55bf1cc7-c9d8-a6a8-d3d9-000044a78e75).   It will be interesting to see how the show deals with all the emotions, feelings and thoughts that come with losing a baby. I hope they explore how men & women grieve differently for the same loss. This was a topic that we (www.OurHopePlace.com) found very interesting and dedicated part of our website to.

Men, Women, Miscarriage And Grieving Styles         By: Paula Levy

Miscarriage is an emotional and confusing time for most couples. There are few societal rituals for grieving for a miscarriage and the depth of this pain is not well recognized in our culture. In addition, couples have little or no physical existence of their child (pictures, toys, memories) and therefore it becomes difficult for them to validate their loss in the usual ways. Add to this mix the fact that women and men usually grieve differently which can cause miscommunication, hurt and disappointment between them. As a result, a mother and father can have vastly different reactions to a miscarriage. In many cases, the mother doesn’t understand why her husband is not experiencing significant grief and the father doesn’t understand why his wife is so devastated. This can have profound implications for the marriage. http://www.ourhopeplace.com/PaulaLevyExpert.html

In the real world, Derek could send Meredith a “bracelet of hope” to acknowledge her miscarriage and help her start on her healing journey. We can only Hope! (“bracelet of hope” story – http://www.ourhopeplace.com/BraceletStory.html)