Soo many things are changing…  yesterday one of my dear friends called.  While we hadn’t spoken in a few years, she is one of those friends that you can pick up with right away.  It was as if we saw each other yesterday.

BIG NEWS!  My friend is 3 moths pregnant — a little boy due Dec 2nd!  This is wonderful news.  She has tried to have a baby for a long, long, long time.  She will be an amazing mom!  There is hope in the world!

Another friend found me this afternoon, and shared news of her pending divorce (after 15 years of marriage).  It was her idea.  Turns out she was miserable with her husband.  Sort of pisses me off- he wasn’t very nice to her.  (And yes, I get that there are multiple sides to the story, but this is my friend and if she tells me she was unhappy, I believe her).  I remember when I was getting married, this friend said to me,”make sure you find someone who really makes you happy, that you love and loves you in return, and don’t settle”.  Wonder now, looking back, was she trying to tell me something?  She told me she didn’t want anyone to know, she tried to make it work.  Anyway, now she is working on her happiness!

Lastly, another friend told me her husband lost his job.  The writing had been on the wall – the company has been going through tough times, lots of layoffs, etc.  My friend seemed happy.  Her husband was not happy at his work, but he wasn’t going to make a change on his own.  So now he can make a change.  And so far so good.

In all cases, 15 seems to be the magic number…  15 years trying to be come a mom, 15 years in a not so great marriage, and 15 months of building layoffs.

All my friends have great strength!  I wish them all happiness!  They truly deserve it!

There is hope!

HI OurHopePlace.com,

My advice:  I wish I had known that being fully who I am and not being like some else is the key to happiness and fulfillment. Comparing myself only leads to heart ache.

MY Bio:   Jennifer Howard, Ph.D. is an internationally known licensed psychotherapist, Integrated Kabbalistic Healer®, Integrated Energy Healerlife coach, author, relationship expert and professional speaker. She is a co-founder of the Healing Path Center and maintains a private practice with offices in New York City and Huntington , L.I., New York , as well as an extensive phone practice. As a psychotherapist, Dr. Howard brings together her more than 20 years of experience, extensive training and expertise in mind-body psychology, meditation, and a variety of the healing arts. She has been a faculty member of the graduate studies program of A Society of Souls and is currently a supervisor.

drjenniferhoward.com.    

Warmly,    Jennifer Howard, Ph.D.

 

 

Devastated…  I was devastated when I had my miscarriage…  I have learned a lot since then…  recently I was thinking about what helped…  think I will dedicated the next few blog entries to this idea.  Right now I have 6 ideas/steps that helped me find happiness after my miscarriage:

1.  Adopting an optimistic view.

2.  Optimism is a skill set that can be learned; a muscle that needs exercising.

3.  Even though you don’t understand why things are happening, know that “the universe is unfolding as it should”.  (Reflects a poem called Desiderata)

4.  God (what ever you perceive him/her to be) only gives you as much as you can handle…  and I am strong (I might be tired of being strong, but I am strong and I can handle and learn and thrive).

5.  Moving forward is a choice – let’s get going – embracing is good.

6. I believe in the power of positive thinking!

Because I don’t really think blogs should be so long (and this one is already getting there), I will write about each step over the next few days (ok, might be 2 weeks – well see.)

1. Adopting an optimistic view.  I have learned a lot about optimism.  I remember going to an interview, the interviewer, soon to be my manager, asked me, “are you optimistic”.  Huh?  Then I said, “yes, I am optimistic, I can’t imaging a world without optimism, that would be a world without hope, without possibilities”.  That is true.  That is what I believe in my core.  

I have run into this time and time again…

– Have you been to Pikes Market in Seattle?  There is a store there, where they look like they are having a great time selling, oh, and throwing fish.  Some smart marketing/HR/business people turned this into a motivating book/video/way of thinking… it is called fish, and while I don’t remember it all, I do remember one thing, much of your happiness is about choice.  They even say in this work, you need to choose where you will go each day, and you need to choose to be happy.  Think of all the drama we could avoid if chose each day, rather than let the world happen to us.

– I also believe in looking for the silver lining…  when something happens, I make myself think what do I think about that, and where is the good in this…  albeit, sometimes this is difficult when something particularly annoying happens, but I try.

– I know that people with optimistic views are happier, achieve more…  lots of good things, why wouldn’t I want to do this?

– I know that being optimistic doesn’t mean that everything is great all the time.  Everyone’s life has obstacles to over come.  Optimism is about having goals and plans to achieve them.  It is about course correcting/changing when things don’t happen as planned (because really, what does go as planned – wouldn’t be writing about this if things happened as I planned – wouldn’t know anything about miscarriage if things went as planned…)

– It is exhausting being unhappy.  I know some people that thrive on drama…  EVERYTHING is cause for drama.  I get exhausted listening, and I have to sort through a lot to really understand what is/if there is an issue or if they are just complaining because that is what they like to do.

So what does this all have to do with miscarriage — it is about finding happiness after miscarriage.  After crying in the shower everyday for 4 months, after wearing my  (http://www.OurHopePlace.com) bracelet everyday – using it as a distraction and a way to force positive thinking and practicing my optimism skills, I started to move forward.  I can vividly recall the day the “world turned back on”.  And that is how it felt.  I suddenly noticed the sun, the birds singing, and that my special bracelet was pretty.  The world seemed to be in color again…  

I hope you find color in your world (when you are ready)…

More to come over the next few entries…