Devastated… I was devastated when I had my miscarriage… I have learned a lot since then… recently I was thinking about what helped… think I will dedicated the next few blog entries to this idea. Right now I have 6 ideas/steps that helped me find happiness after my miscarriage:
1. Adopting an optimistic view.
2. Optimism is a skill set that can be learned; a muscle that needs exercising.
3. Even though you don’t understand why things are happening, know that “the universe is unfolding as it should”. (Reflects a poem called Desiderata)
4. God (what ever you perceive him/her to be) only gives you as much as you can handle… and I am strong (I might be tired of being strong, but I am strong and I can handle and learn and thrive).
5. Moving forward is a choice – let’s get going – embracing is good.
6. I believe in the power of positive thinking!
Because I don’t really think blogs should be so long (and this one is already getting there), I will write about each step over the next few days (ok, might be 2 weeks – well see.)
1. Adopting an optimistic view. I have learned a lot about optimism. I remember going to an interview, the interviewer, soon to be my manager, asked me, “are you optimistic”. Huh? Then I said, “yes, I am optimistic, I can’t imaging a world without optimism, that would be a world without hope, without possibilities”. That is true. That is what I believe in my core.
I have run into this time and time again…
– Have you been to Pikes Market in Seattle? There is a store there, where they look like they are having a great time selling, oh, and throwing fish. Some smart marketing/HR/business people turned this into a motivating book/video/way of thinking… it is called fish, and while I don’t remember it all, I do remember one thing, much of your happiness is about choice. They even say in this work, you need to choose where you will go each day, and you need to choose to be happy. Think of all the drama we could avoid if chose each day, rather than let the world happen to us.
– I also believe in looking for the silver lining… when something happens, I make myself think what do I think about that, and where is the good in this… albeit, sometimes this is difficult when something particularly annoying happens, but I try.
– I know that people with optimistic views are happier, achieve more… lots of good things, why wouldn’t I want to do this?
– I know that being optimistic doesn’t mean that everything is great all the time. Everyone’s life has obstacles to over come. Optimism is about having goals and plans to achieve them. It is about course correcting/changing when things don’t happen as planned (because really, what does go as planned – wouldn’t be writing about this if things happened as I planned – wouldn’t know anything about miscarriage if things went as planned…)
– It is exhausting being unhappy. I know some people that thrive on drama… EVERYTHING is cause for drama. I get exhausted listening, and I have to sort through a lot to really understand what is/if there is an issue or if they are just complaining because that is what they like to do.
So what does this all have to do with miscarriage — it is about finding happiness after miscarriage. After crying in the shower everyday for 4 months, after wearing my (http://www.OurHopePlace.com) bracelet everyday – using it as a distraction and a way to force positive thinking and practicing my optimism skills, I started to move forward. I can vividly recall the day the “world turned back on”. And that is how it felt. I suddenly noticed the sun, the birds singing, and that my special bracelet was pretty. The world seemed to be in color again…
I hope you find color in your world (when you are ready)…
More to come over the next few entries…