I write this post with tears in my eyes, it is almost 5 am, sleep eludes me again. It is difficult to write, have tried a few times and the words don’t seem adequate. Along with the world I am deeply saddened by the the senseless, terrible, devastating act of violence in Newtown last Friday.

The title of this blog is “the new normal”. It is bc the life I had b4 (miscarriage) is different than the one I have now. It strikes me that there have been a number of times that I can remember exactly where I was when something happened… The challenger blew up (school), 9/11 (meeting in my bosses office), my miscarriage, my SIL passed away (cancer, too young, leaving 3 young children). And now with Friday, I add another to the list. A list that is too long (and i am sure everyone has their own list). A list that where each event rocked my core. A list that in each situation led me to sitting in church with tears steaming down my face.

Two things come to mind as I think about this list, 1) the power of the human spirit we have to over come, 2) that these are all devastating events . So for point one, I recall at each of these times, something helped me… For 9/11 it was my fiancé coming home (he was working for the city of NY and was there in it all, his partner didn’t come home that day), it was also the man marching with military precision on one of the over passes on the Merritt Parkway. He carried a large US flag proudly. It was so symbolic of we will overcome. For my miscarriage it was the bracelet my friend gave me (you can read about it at ourhopeplace.com). It was the first ray of hope… I am looking for my ray of hope from Friday… I am in awe of the acts of heroism. I hear the words of one of the Dad’s, he said something like, let this not define us but inspire us. Not sure how that will play out, but am sure it will. It is my beacon right now…

And for point number two, why is it all bad things on the list? Where is the “moon landing” of my generation? I have a few personal ones… The birth of my son (after my miscarriage)I is top of the list. What would be on your positive events list?

I love that people are rallying around 26 acts of kindness. Think I will try that. I will look for positive signs in the world. Will you join me? May you all be the positive change in the world you wish to see.

Like I said at the beginning… I need sleep, these are the ramblings of a woman whose words are not adequate for the events that transpired last Friday… Thank you for listening. May we all begin the healing process to find our new normal.

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Yesterday was a day of happy news…  today the pendulum (by the way is that the right spelling?) swings back…  Two sad things today.  One I knew, today is 1 year since my sister-in-law passed away (she was only 46).  It is still amazing to me that she is no longer here – it doesn’t seem possible.  How could, why did this happen?  Questions that will never be answered.  Doesn’t seem fair — she was so vital, with a beautiful family.   One other sad item I didn’t expect is my friend’s cat, 17 years old, passed away.  Yeah, I know people and cats are different, how could I compare.  Well, I don’t think I am comparing, just saying that I was saddened today when my friend told me.  I was there when she adopted her then kitten, I was a reference for the shelter, and while I am not a cat person, this one held a special place in my heart.  I will miss her.  OK, writing about my sister-in-law has resulted in tears running down my face; I think I need a tissue – excuse me for a second…A little better now…   sometimes a good cry helps.  Does it work for you?  I don’t think you can ever underestimate the cleansing of tears.  Now that I have done that, I need to focus on the good, positive things…  One thing I am looking forward to is, this weekend another sister-in-law and I are taking our niece to her first spa day (another thing that you should never under estimate the power of a spa day).  I’d like to think her mom would like that we are doing this…  

  • PS on a separate issue…  I can’t believe the Elliot Spitzer scandal!  What was he thinking!  Such a hypocrite!  I hope he gets the same treatment he would have given to someone else!  Have you read smokinggun.com?  If not, and your are interested, check it out.   Can’t wait to see what the late night entertainers say tonight – last night David Letterman was great – loved his top 10 list.  🙂