From a recent contact to www.OurHopePlace.com,

I’m happy to help lend my support–from the husbands/males perspective. One of the two miscarriages we suffered is still fresh in my memory (although I’ll never forget either) as it happened about a month ago. The facts: The first miscarriage happened more than two years ago (Feb. 2006). We had a healthy boy (now 4) before the first miscarriage and went on to have a second healthy boy (now 16 months) before the second miscarriage. We’re going to try for more still, but want to wait before trying again.

The reason I’m so eager to share my experience is because when I found out my wife had misscarried the first time I had a half hour drive before seeing her (I was at work when she went to the dr’s appointment, and she called me from their office to tell me. She was sobbing. It was the single worst phone call I’ve ever received in my life.)

I didn’t know where to turn for some comfort of knowledge of how to deal with it. I called my sister who had a miscarriage herself, and asked (although I was sobbing the whole way home. Frankly, it’s still difficult to talk about as the emotions associated with the memory come back easily) how she handled the news/information.

Miscarriage hard on both spouses when it happens. Granted, it is much harder on the woman, in this case my wife. But watching her suffer and the sadness or letdown was also hard on myself. I am glad I had family to lean on and that my wife and I had each other. We still don’t know why it happened to us, but we take a great deal of comfort and gratitude for our two healthy boys that have blessed our lives.

-Jonathan

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From a recent contact to www.OurHopePlace.com

We have suffered through 3 miscarriages. The physical effects my wife went through were terrible (including depression). The emotional effects we both suffered were devastating. The fear with each subsequent pregnancy was crippling.

Our first miscarriage happened spontaneously; there was no warning. We were so unprepared. I will never forget it. Why weren’t we more prepared? Why don’t
doctors tell you about the possibility of a miscarriage. I have come to learn how common
miscarriage is (1 million in the US each year, 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage) – why, why doesn’t the medical profession address this? There is conversation about lots of tests, miscarriage should be added to this list!

From my point of view as the husband of a wife who has suffered a miscarriage, I would say it is hard to really understand exactly what it is my wife went through. I loved our baby. I felt devastated when we suffered a miscarriage. But it wasn’t my body. I didn’t have hormones raging, I wasn’t the one suffering the physical effects.

I kept thinking how can a husband and wife really share if you don’t know exactly what your wife is going through? I wanted to share the burden. I wanted to carry the burden, to protect my wife, but how could I do that? I felt very much at a loss as how to help.

Even with 3 miscarriages, we clung to hope. You feel pain, but you can’t lose hope. What kept us going was speaking with medical experts. They couldn’t explain why we lost 3 babies, but they could help us with a way forward, a way to becoming parents – something we wanted more than anything. Medical advancements kept us focused and kept hope in our lives.

I am happy to say we are now 17 weeks pregnant; all looks good! Keep us in your thoughts and prayers and hopefully next Valentine’s Day there will be a special baby in our lives!

-Adam