I was talking with my friend catching up on life. She now has three wonderful kids. They are always running here and there for one sport/activity or another. And then she stopped, and sighed, and said… I feel so lucky, and even so, I will always wonder about my baby I lost, my miscarriage. And with tears in her eyes, she told me it was all her fault and she can never forgive herself.

OMG!!! What??? All her fault? Here my wonderful, smart, seemingly happy friend was carry around guilt like I could never imagine.

Why is it that she was suffering all this time? Why did she think this? Why is it always the Mother’s fault?

I asked why she thought this. She corrected me, not thought, knew. Believed. Again, why? She told me she had a busy job. She was working and that caused her miscarriage. I asked her if her doctor told her this; no. Did someone else; again no. She just knew.

We talked more… No matter how I tried, nothing would change her mind.

I feel compelled to scream it, You DIDN’T CAUSE YOUR MISCARRIAGE! Your miscarriage is a terrible loss. And, you didn’t cause it.

Miscarriage sucks, plain and simple. It is loss of hope, of the future. It is an isolating loss… No one talks about it, no one wants to talk to when it happens, no one knows what to say…

Please, I beg, don’t blame yourself! Be kind to yourself, allow yourself to heal.