My friend Kim (Thanks Kim!) sent me this link from TED… ” Let’s talk parenting taboos:  Rufus Griscom + Alisa Volkman” .  Feel free to watch the entire link, or if you want to see what they say about miscarriage, try 9:17-11:30.   Griscom and Alisa seem like any couple USA; people you want to be friends with.  They fall in love, get married, start a family, and then try to add a second child to their family.

Seems like the fairytale, right?  Not so much.  Alisa suffered the loss of her unborn child when she is 5 months pregnant.   (Before I go further, we are so sorry for her pain and loss.)  They talk about  how she wanted to crawl into a hole. That she felt ashamed, embarrased that she couldn’t do what she was genetically designed to do.  She didn’t know how she would find her way out of the hole, back to her life.  She ultimately did get back to her life.  What helped her was the outpouring of stories from friends and family all who either suffered the same, or knew someone who did.

Alisa shares so many thoughts that we talk to as well:

– Miscarriage is so common; 20% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage

– That very often women feel they have somehow contributed or caused their miscarriage

-That once you have a miscarriage, it is like membership in this secret society/sisterhood that you didn’t want to join

-Miscarriage is a loss like no other – there are no pictures (well maybe a sonogram), no memories, no common rituals (like a funeral, though sometimes people will have one or a ceremony they plan).

It is amazing to us that at a time when people most need help, society leaves them to suffer alone.  Really, is that what we should be doing?

At Our Hope Place, we want to help women and their families find their way forward, to grieve and to heal… how I wish I knew Alisa years ago.  I would have sent her a bracelet from OHP to acknowledge her loss.  I would have shared my story.  If someone you know has suffered a miscarriage, acknowledge her loss.  Check out our tips on how to help at Our Hope    Won’t you help?

PS:  TED is a non-profit.  TED = Technology, Entertainment, Design —  Ideas worth spreading…  check them out…  really interesting stuff going on there!