Wanted to write regarding, “How men and women grieve differently”.

My wife has died. I am a man, and I grieve as a man. “Be strong, don’t show your feelings, and never cry,” I was told growing up. As soon as she died I cried hard, alone. I’ve felt like crying since then, but I am able to stop myself. It’s strange, but I feel more angry than anything else. I don’t understand why she had to die! Should I have seen this coming? Could I have taken better care of her? My wife was my confidant, and now I have no one to listen to me. I can’t discuss anything personal with my buddies. They would not understand, and there is no way you would catch me going to one of those grief groups. If only I could do something concrete to help me feel better. I remember–she always wanted a pink dogwood planted in our yard. I could put all the photos I took of our travels in a special album. Bill lost his wife several months ago. He is not a talker either, but we could play golf and afterwards maybe get something to eat.

My husband has died. I am a woman, and I grieve as a woman. I am so thankful I can cry and not feel guilty. My dear friends mean so much at a time like this, especially the two who are widows. They let me talk about him and find things for us to do together. Sometimes we just cry as they hold me, and that feels so good. There is a grief support group at Hospice, and I will join. The leader might suggest books on how to handle my grief and what I might expect. Maybe later I can actually grow from this awful and terrible experience. But I must protect my children in every way I can. I can’t sleep and I don’t want to eat. Maybe I should make an appointment with my doctor to see if she can help. I must stay strong for the children. Somehow I will get through this, and begin to live again.

Marta Felber, Author

Grief Expressed When a Mate Dies

Finding Your Way After Your Spouse Dies