Dear OurHopePlace.com,

Thanks for the good work you are doing reaching out to those who have experienced the natural death during pregnancy.

My wife and I have an experience with a miscarriage that is most unusual.

Our surrogate birth mother had a miscarriage 18 years ago. She felt so horribly, like she had let us down. We on the other hand felt so horribly that she was in pain both physically and emotionally.

We decided to take a break from and give us all a rest.

Miraculously, shortly after the loss of the fetus, my wife became pregnant with our son, Charles, who was born on Feb 21, 1991.

Through the agency, we continued to stay in touch with the surrogate. She wanted to go through with another round of inseminations. We wanted another child. Today, we have a beautiful, soon to be 16 year old daughter, Anne. All things do work for good…

Frankly, I wish the term weren’t miscarriage – it sounds like the mother fumbled the ball so to speak. What a misnomer! Isn’t there a better term or phrase that isn’t euphemistic or clinical? Also, I would prefer the loaded term abortion not be used. Would the term “Natural death of a fetus” or “natural death pregnancy” work? This takes the possibility of guilt, blame, or burden off the mother if for some reason she thinks she is less of a woman for the loss of a life within her.

I remember our high risk pregnancy specialist telling us that a miscarriage was nature’s (God’s) way of caring for children who would not be viable once born and that it had nothing to do with the mother. I’m no doctor, but it was a comforting explanation from a man with both a PhD and MD in the field. By the way, I ended up dedicating my book, The On-Purpose Person, to both children and allude to their miraculous arrivals. It just seemed the right thing to do. To this day, we are still on friendly, albeit infrequent, terms with Anne’s surrogate.

Be On-Purpose!

Kevin W. McCarthy Author, The On-Purpose Person

www.on-purpose.com

www.kevinwmccarthy.com

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