From a recent contact at

I had 2 miscarriages before I had my daughter. I blogged about them, click here or read below.

The worst parts of the first miscarriage experience was that my husband wasn’t there for me at all. He was traumatized in his own way, because he really wanted a child, but being abandoned that night as I was going through contractions was really awful.
-Alyce Barry

From Alyce’s blog:

A moving story about miscarriage
Posted in American Culture, Books and literature, Links and resources, Media, My issues, Parenting, Relationship, Wellness and illness at 9:22 am by Alyce
Carla Drew’s essay “A Sisterhood of Suffering” in the March 31, 2008, issue of Newsweek magazine is a touching story not unlike my own, and I’m so happy to see the issue of miscarriage getting wider exposure than it once did.

Drew had a miscarriage not long ago, and it was similar in some ways to my own experience more than 20 years ago: she needed to talk about it, and it wasn’t clear to whom she could/should talk. Some of her friends could stand to talk about it, others couldn’t. Drew is finding more help available than I did in 1983-1984, and I’m so glad to hear that there is that help available now.

I had two miscarriages before the birth of my daughter in 1985. The first was at the three-month point, and the miscarriage itself was like a mini-labor, with birth contractions going on for hours through one long, horrible night. I looked for books in my local library to help me understand why this had happened, and I found absolutely nothing.

My second miscarriage, later that year, was much earlier in the pregnancy, so early in fact that I hadn’t had a pregnancy test yet, but I had the familiar symptoms of pregnancy followed by a much delayed period and far worse cramps than usual. This miscarriage was less traumatic physically but had far more impact emotionally, plunging me into a depression that lasted until I was safely pregnant with my daughter. I was afraid after the second miscarriage that I would never be able to bear a healthy child and that my marriage would end as a result.

At the time, a doctor told me that as many as 1/3 of pregnancies end in miscarriage, and I was tremendously relieved to hear that statistic, as well as stunned that it wasn’t more widely known. Drew was told that the statistic is more like 1/4, but it’s still a large fraction, much larger than most women suspect when they first try to get pregnant.