In the last week I have finally started to see, hear, smell and feel spring. Living in the northeast I really love this time of year because it represents hope to me of the warm weather yet to come (especially if the winter has been particularly cold.) Crocuses are the first flowers to appear around our house signaling the start of the flower burst. Seeing the daffodils start as green, finger-like leaves poking up out of the ground to finally become what my daughter calls “sideways teacups and saucers” gives a little lift to my day. It is as if I can feel a “smile” starting deep inside my body, which is slowly making its way to my face.

Hearing the birds in their crazy chorus as a take my daily walks, smelling the onion grass (so far the only grass growing in our yard) and feeling the sun on my face through the spring breeze actually starts to make me feel lighter. I breath in a little deeper as the weather gets better and start to “notice” my world around me more. I try to figure out why I feel like this. Is it because there is more to notice – green grass, colorful flowers, buds on trees and squirrels scurrying – as opposed to the gray colors of winter? Does the breeze actually smell different in the spring than the winter? All I know for sure is that I have a feeling inside that gets stronger everyday. I want to spend more time outside, I don’t want the sun to go down and I can’t wait for the next day to start.

After having my miscarriage I was optimistic that I would someday feel better – whatever that meant. I did not know at the time how long that would take and I tried to look for signs everyday that I was heading in the right direction. “Noticing” the world around me, looking for the new “thing” of the day and emotionally feeling a little lighter as my healing journey from my miscarriage continued, I realized that I was experiencing my own transition from a darkness to a brightness. Although I would never forget the baby I lost, I knew I was ready to try again to be a mom. The smile had returned to my face. So now every March through June, I give myself time to enjoy what I see, hear, smell and feel – realizing that my journey to becoming a mom to two great kids was a lot like the season of spring.

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