This year Mother’s Day is May 13.  If you have had a miscarriage, Mother’s Day can bring on a whole range of emotions and thoughts of what could have been.  Even if many years have passed since your miscarriage, you may be surprised about how you feel.  Happy and sad thoughts may sprinkle your day.  We know this all too well because we are two women who have experienced miscarriage and have gone on to heal.  We created Our Hope Place (www.OurHopePlace.com) in order for friends to help friends cope, hope and heal after miscarriage.

 Here are some suggestions to get you through the day:

-Recognize your true feelings.  Don’t hide or discount them.  Part of you may want to celebrate Mother’s Day because you are a mom to the baby you lost.  You may want to celebrate with the other “moms” in your life.  Ask your spouse or a family member to be your “soft place” that day.  Whenever you need a break, let this person take care of you.  

-Be kind to yourself on Mother’s Day.  Do not criticize yourself for how you are feeling or put pressure on yourself.   Be your best friend and make the day special to you.

-Plan ahead to do something meaningful that will bring a smile to your face.  Plant a flower or tree to remember your baby.  Take a walk with your spouse.  Go to church and say a prayer.  Get together with the important women in your life.  Laugh with your family.  Even stay under the covers and read a great book.

-Don’t be afraid to say “NO”.  Do what you need to do on Mother’s Day even if it means not participating in traditional family events.  If you can find the words, explain why you would rather not participate to your family.  (“Right now I am feeling too emotional to be with everyone on Mother’s Day.”)  If that is too difficult, maybe your spouse or close relative can explain how you are feeling and why you will not be there on Mother’s Day.

-Try to focus on the positive.  Being grateful for what we already had in our lives and thinking positively is what helped us with our healing process and led us to create Our Hope Place  (www.OurHopePlace.com).  We decided to share our friendship, a special bracelet of hope and it’s inspiring story to help other women who have also experienced miscarriage. 

Only by being true to yourself and celebrating Mother’s Day in your own way will you will be able to remember your loss, continue with your healing process and look to the future.

Here’s to celebrating Mother’s Day your way,

Laura & Sharon

Co-Founders www.OurHopePlace.com

I love sharing and writing about happy stories post miscarriage. When 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage, it is important to raise awareness of how common miscarriage is and how to help. It is also important to share that most pregnancies post miscarriage end with a healthy baby.

When I learned of Guiliana’s baby, I had a tear of joy in my eye.

She has bravely shared so much of herself… The highs of pregnancy. The lows/devastation of miscarriage. The lows/devastation of breast cancer. She has set an example that we don’t have to hide our losses and pains. We can seek help and support from others. And at Our Hope Place that is what we are trying to do… Demystify miscarriage and help people cope, hope and heal.

Much happiness to Guiliana and Bill! Get your sleep while you can!

Towards the end of the night my friend said, “Oh, I have something to show. I got a tattoo!”. It was a beautiful design (on her ankle) with 4 hearts, surrounded by 4 tiny hearts with wings. I knew right away, it was for her children. The 4 wonderful kids we had been catching up about and her 4 miscarriages… it was beautiful! She said she wanted to celebrate her babies, ALL of them. That even though she was blessed with her 4 beautiful children, all of her babies had a place in her heart.

The night went too fast. Looking forward to out next girls night out!

When she returned I asked her how she was… How her daughter was doing. She said they were all waiting, just waiting It was so scary, so hard. They were waiting, and they weren’t together. My friend felt helpless…

Then the day came to hear from the doctor… And it wasn’t the worst but it wasn’t good. Stage 1. And it just hits you… Everything stops. No one expects or wants to hear news like this… Especially hard when it’s your child, your baby. Even at 27, she’s still your baby.

They are now negotiating chemo… The doctor thinks my friend’s daughter will have a long, happy life!

I am trying to help my friend too… Listen when she wants to talk, treat her like nothing has changed when she doesn’t want to, I have dropped off chocolate and wine. I have offered to drive them, to drop off groceries, to do the dry cleaning… And I am keeping them in my prayers. Perhaps you will too.

OMG!!! What??? All her fault? Here my wonderful, smart, seemingly happy friend was carry around guilt like I could never imagine.

Why is it that she was suffering all this time? Why did she think this? Why is it always the Mother’s fault?

I asked why she thought this. She corrected me, not thought, knew. Believed. Again, why? She told me she had a busy job. She was working and that caused her miscarriage. I asked her if her doctor told her this; no. Did someone else; again no. She just knew.

We talked more… No matter how I tried, nothing would change her mind.

I feel compelled to scream it, You DIDN’T CAUSE YOUR MISCARRIAGE! Your miscarriage is a terrible loss. And, you didn’t cause it.

Miscarriage sucks, plain and simple. It is loss of hope, of the future. It is an isolating loss… No one talks about it, no one wants to talk to when it happens, no one knows what to say…

Please, I beg, don’t blame yourself! Be kind to yourself, allow yourself to heal.

Thank you Bethenny for reaching out to others who have suffered and letting us see how your miscarriage affected your life.  When more women open up about their experience & express themselves honestly about their miscarriage – it not only helps the person talking to work through the many emotions that come with the experience but also it helps those listening (whether or not they have experienced a miscarriage themselves) to understand what the woman is going though and how hey can help.  For great ideas on how to help someone who has suffered a miscarriage – please visit www.OurHopePlace.com

Just posted on Bethenny’s website – hope we can help her and her fans who have also suffered a miscarriage:

Hi Bethenny, Just catching up and wanted to say that I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I also suffered a miscarriage (back in 1999.)  Then went on to have 2 great kids. From my miscarriage experience I realized that a lot of well meaning family & friends do not know what to say or do to help and my husband (partners of women who have miscarried)also suffer and deal with the grief differently.  So my friend and I created www.OurHopePlace.com to demystify miscarriage and help women cope, hope and heal after miscarriage.  We share our story of a special bracelet of hope, our friendship and how we helped each other thru our miscarriage healing journies.  I hope we can help you & all your fans who have also suffered a miscarriage.  Please keep us laughing – and crying – love your show!!!!

But here are some compelling reasons to reach for something else – great article – “3 Surprising Reasons To Give Up Soda” – http://health.yahoo.net/experts/eatthis/3-shocking-soda-facts

Check out Shocking Fact #3 for full story – You have heard of high-fructose corn syrup which is derived from genetically engineered corn which has only been around since the 1990s.  Too soon to know the long-term health effects but recent findings link genetically engineered crops to accelerating aging, digestive tract issues and maybe infertility!!!

“Blue Ivy Carter went home from the hospital with her famous mom and dad early on Tuesday, Lenox Hill Hospital officials confirmed to the Daily News and E! News.” – from Wonderwall.msn.com – full story:

http://wonderwall.msn.com/music/beyonce-jay-z-leave-hospital-with-blue-ivy-carter-1661153.story?ocid=answw11

According to Jay-Z’s new song “Glory” he references a miscarriage previous to the birth of Blue Ivy Carter – www.OurHopePlace.com wants to thank Jay-Z for talking about miscarriage in a popular song – the more we discuss miscarriage and how commonn it is – the less women (and their families) will feel alone after suffering through their own miscarriage.

Quoted from Access Hollywood:

“According to People, during a routine check-up where Jim Bob and Michelle were supposed to find out the sex of their 20th child, their doctor was unable to find the baby’s heartbeat. Michelle was told that she had miscarried in her second trimester.”

“The Duggar matriarch said they will still name the baby after they find out of it was a boy or a girl and they plan to hold a funeral service.”

Grieving after a miscarriage from www.OurHopePlace.com:

Some woman and their partners may choose to put their miscarriage behind them sooner and look to the future with hope, while others will take more time to get to that same place to begin healing.  

There is no right or wrong answer, amount of time to heal or way to go about it.  Allow your spouse the
time she needs.  Don’t pressure your friend in any preconceived way based on your time line or how
you would grieve.  

Grieving is a very personal process and should be respected.  Letting your partner know that you are
there for her will go a long way.

Men & Women grieve differently. 

A mother and father can have vastly different reactions to a miscarriage.  In many cases, the mother doesn’t understand why her husband is not experiencing significant grief and the father doesn’t understand why his wife is so devastated.  This can have profound implications for the marriage.

For more information on different grieving styles -

http://www.ourhopeplace.com/PaulaLevyExpert.html

For full Access Hollywood story -

http://tv.yahoo.com/news/michelle-duggar-miscarries-feel-heart-broke-telling-children-221738891.html