Life After Miscarriage – The “New Normal”

This week April 25-May 2 marks the 20th anniversary of National Infertility Awareness Week.  This week hopes to bring attention to the many fertility issues that affect women & men – approximately 7.3 million Americans.  Check out RESOLVE:  The National Infertility Association website for activities and events – https://secure2.convio.net/res/site/SPageServer?pagename=evt_niaw09_home&JServSessionIdr010=bqyb4q26z4.app46b

Emotional awareness is the ability to identify and describe what you are feeling and to know what others are feeling.

I remember when I had my miscarriage, I felt so numb, b/c I couldn’t identify what I was feeling, I didn’t know how to find the hope I had taken from me.  What a terrible time it was.  

Well it turns out that I was so devastated I couldn’t recognize my  own emotions.  If I had, perhaps I could have healed a little better/quicker.

Well at least I can help others…  click HERE to learn more about Fishful Thinking activities to help with emotional awareness.  

There are activities like an emotional awareness poster… a month long project.  Check it out at Fishful Thinking!

Click here to learn more

I consider myself an optimist.  Now I think it is portant to clarify what I mean by this b/c it doesn’t  mean my life is perfect.   Rather Optimism is the belief that things will turn out well.   And get this, this is my favorite part, it is the expectation that good things will come your way and IMPORTANTLY that you have the ability to control/influence the direction of your life.  It’s about having goals, and setting plans to achieve, and to course correct as needed. 

This thinking helped me so much at the time of my miscarriage, it helps me everyday; it makes the bad days less bad and good days great! 

Want to learn more about becoming and optimist?  or teaching these skills to your children?  husband?  mother-in-law?   Well you could study all about positive psychology, or you could check out the cool work being done by the team at Fishful Thinking (and to be honest, I did work a little on this project a few years ago – it was the most rewarding work, and I consider it a privledge to have been a part of it).  I use a lot of this with my 4 yr old son, and my husband, and myself, and … 

Click here to learn more

Click here to learn more about fishful thinking…

More hope today…  kids and hope.  Helping kids know/identify and express their feelings.  This is something I do with my 4 yr old.  It really helps…  when he can identify and express what he is feeling we can enjoy what we are doing and avoid meltdowns (well most of the time).  Take a look below… let me know what you think.

What is Emotional Awareness:  it is the ability to identify and describe what you are feeling and to know what others are feeling.

Why is Emotional Awareness important:  it is a building block of a healthy emotional life. The more aware your child is of his feelings and the more comfortable he becomes with the full range of feelings that people experience, the easier it will be for him to connect with others. The ability to control one’s emotions when they are too strong and getting in the way of coping is improved by emotional awareness.

These activities can be done with all children (by using more complex emotions for older kids).  Check it out…  it is definitely worth a click!

Guilty!  Just happened to me…  I have had huge emotional swings since my last email.  Rant?  Would you call it a rant?  I just feel, well happy for one family, sad for another and overall incredibly stupid!

On the good side, my dear friends just adopted a beautiful baby!  I had tears in my eyes as I read the email saying the birth mother just delivered…  they started trying for a baby 6 years ago.  I couldn’t be happier for them.

On the bad side, a friend just found out he has cancer.  He is so early in the process, he doesn’t know about treatment and other details.  

These kinds of things are what’s important.  Highs and lows.  Enjoying and sharing the good.  And when it is bad – having a sense of optimism and leaning on others is critical.  (That is what this blog is about.)  Everything else is so, insignificant…  

I think all that I have written about optimism and hope is true, is needed, and will help us all go forward.  

I will aim to focus on what is important, I will remain optimistic, I will pray (I totally believe, in fact have already prayed to Padre Pio), and I will be there for my friend.  If you wanted to say prayers too, that would be appreciated.  ”They” say that if more than 3 people pray for something, God listens.  I sure hope so!

How was your day?  My day started off wonderful…  but by 2:30 my bad day was in full gear.  I was so angry and frustrated that I wasn’t sure what to do.  I don’t like passive aggressive people who blind-side and undermine you.  But really, who would?

Fortunately for me there were a few things going for me 1) I had a good sounding board to vent to (thanks, you know who you are), 2) it was a great sunny, warm day outside (yeah and welcome to spring) and going outside instantly helped, 3) I have a great family to go home to – lots of hugs, kisses, and laughs, and 4) I watched the cutest video from Fishful Thinking…  I know it is meant for parents to help kids with optimism, emotional awareness, and resiliency, but it helped me…  check it out.  

Let me know what you think…  Honestly, it is worth a click.  It will bring a smile to your face… 

Now that you have seen the video, click HERE to go to fishful thinking.

Thanks for listening.

Being a mom just makes me happy!  I just focus on all the positives – like how it feels when I come home and hear my sons quick footsteps as he runs towards me saying, “Mommy is home”, followed by a big hug and kiss.  I think of all the fun things we do.  

Experts say this is typical (focusing on the good), but in reality motherhood can be stressful and impact you mood (really?)  They also give 8 tips on how to be a happier mom.  I listed some below or click HERE for the full story:

     Admit when stressed:  sometimes when you are caught up in the moment this can be hard to do.  I have been making a conscious effort to “check in with myself” – sounds odd?  Maybe, but it is working!

     Get enough sleep:  I have worked it out with my spouse that one morning a month we get to sleep in (if we can do more we do that, but we are taking little steps at a time).  I didn’t even think I could stay in bed past 7, but now I can.  And it is delicious!

Click HERE to learn more about all 8 in detail.

Let me know what you think…

Interestingly, this past weekend in addition to learning how naive I am, I also learned that free parking doesn’t always mean, well, free.  I have a $60 (yes, sixty) ticket to prove it.

Here is what happened.  I was visiting my family in Montauk, Long Island, New York for the Easter/holiday weekend.  On Friday morning I did the grocery shopping (3 different stores to get everything) and a little gift shopping for Easter.    I shopped in the town of East Hampton.  I went to the municpal lot to park, it said free parking (which I thought meant, free, come park anywhere – little did I know), I followed someone in, parked, all seemed to go well (little did I know what was to come).  We went shopping, bought quite a bit as we were feeding 12 people for the weekend.  One woman even commented on my very full cart. 

Anyway I digress, when I returned to my car, I found a $60 ticket.  When I asked the policewoman, she said, “oh, yes, this is free parking, but you need to get a ticket when you come into the lot.  And you have to display your ticket the right way.”  She then went on to say, “we just started this on April 1 (note:  an unlikely April Fool’s joke given the ticket and her posture.  By the way, the ticket machine was tiny and very low – easily missed.)  The ticket has to be on the front dash, right here, face up, with this orientation, any thing else, and you get a ticket.  You can go to court and fight it, but it will stick.”  When I said $60 seems steep for free parking she shrugged her shoulders.  It is East Hampton afterall.

Since I was not going to get anywhere with this officer, I loaded up my groceries and went to Town Hall/Court.  The Court building was locked, but Town Hall was open, lights on, evidence of people around (beverages, work out, etc), but we couldn’t find anyone.  A few other people were walking around looking for help as well.  When we walked out side, I saw a woman from inside the building come to the door and lock it up and turn quickly to walk away.  She didn’t/wouldn’t return to the door.  When I called Town Hall  a voice recording said they were open, just come on by. 

So now I have a $60 for free parking, no one to talk to, and the realization that it will cost me $60 (round trip including tolls) to come back and fight this ticket…  which according to one local, the best I can hope for is to get it reduced in half.  Well, lessoned learned.  I won’t do that again!

And now I am reminded that there is no such thing as free parking…  well, it can be free if you know and follow ALL the rules… Otherwise fork over the $60.

Earth Day is approaching…  yet, despite my efforts, I am still drowning in paper; meaning mail.

Like most people, I have a busy, filled life (family, work, et.)  Some how, the mail seems overwhelming.  I have consolidated my bills, asked for them online, pay bills on line, and signed up for “no junk mail”, yet still, the mail keeps coming.  How does this happen?  

So today, instead of throwing everything away, I save it all – all of it.  Why you might ask?  Well tomorrow I am going to call everyone and ask them not to send me anything anymore…  Ok, Capital One that means you – no more offers, please!

Other things we do to help out:

In our home:  recycle, energy saving appliances, energy saving (“green”) light bulbs, moving to better milage cars, community garden, turn the lights off, run major appliances at night, update insulation, etc.

At work:  I work for a no landfill company, they have a major green initiative…  covers everything you can think of.

My personal company:  we are paperless, work remotely, …

We are trying…  are we perfect, no, but we are making a difference (I hope), we are continuing to add ways to be more green.  

Now if I could just stop all the paper – wish me luck tomorrow!

It is not even 11 AM and what a day already…  a day of life’s little ups and downs…

Things like we are doing a re-fi and the mortgage broker left a message saying we are set to close and the 15 day numbers look so good we can get another 1/4 of a point…  that is good, actually it is great!  YEAH!

But, when I talk to the mortguage broker, he wants to close on the day I planned to do something fun with my 4 yr old son (this is a special day for us, I am taking off work, we bought tickets for a kids show in NYC)…  this is not good.  So I explain the situation and we come up with a plan, so I can still have a fun day with my son…  this is good, well, it is GREAT!

Then, … well it goes on.   And I am reminded, that I have handled everything.  I was able to share my thoughts and feelings, we were able to make a plan so all is good.  I am feeling Resilient…  And I am laughing that all the things around Fishful Thinking are things I use in my everyday life…  pretty cool.  Hope you have a good day!