Well I was going to take the week off blogging for some R&R with my family, but I couldn’t resist writing on this… I was reading the July issue of Parents Magazine, and was very happy to see an article “Say the right thing”. It is all about personal crisis that women go through: miscarriage, divorce, infertility, sick child, when someone says something hurtful.
I love that they have a list of what to and what not to say. On Our Hope Place we have a complimentary list, we also add things you can do, and have a perspective test (an aide in thinking about what to say). I really think the most important thing is to say/do something. If there was a passing in someone’s family, would you not say something?
It is great that more and more miscarriage is something that is openly discussed. The purpose of this blog and OurHopePlace.com is to demystify miscarriage. We are all about friends helping friends cope, hope and heal after miscarriage. And we support anyone doing the same… so check out Parents Magazine (July issue)… and say something if you know someone who has a miscarriage.
From an email sent to OurHopePlace.com
How I wish you had this in 1991 when I had my first
miscarriage. I remember how lonely and grief stricken I felt and how
hurt I was when friends and family acted like nothing had happened.
After all, I had two healthy, beautiful children, so losing one isn't a
big deal.( I actually had someone tell me that it was only tissue and
it wasn't like I got to know it and love it. How wrong that person was!)
It happened again in 1992 right before Christmas
and it was a very sad holiday for me. I never had any more children
because I was so afraid of having my heart broken again. So, for any
woman going through this now, they are lucky to have this site
(OurHopePlace.com)!
From an email sent to OurHopePlace.com
I seen your website address in Redbook. And had to go online
and seewhat it was about. i had a miscarriage about 15 mths ago,
and still feel pain and loss at times. I have a healthy 4 year
old girl, and the miscarriage pregnanacy wasn't planned. My
husband did not want the baby so he stated was a real relief when
I lost the baby, which made the grieving harder to go
thru by myself. Really had no friends or family who
ever reached out and am crying right now thinking
about it. I believe I have a tiny angel in Heaven that
I will meet some day. I was 9 weeks pregnant when I
lost the baby, no expanation for it. I will never
forget the night I sat in the bathroom from 1-3 am and
lost the "baby" in the toilet alone. I loved the
website.
From an email to Our Hope Place and OHP's response.
I had a miscarrage 4 months ago. I have not handled it well.
I have shut out my family because I am watching all my sisters
and friends have easy pregnancies. I know I must be hurting
them but it is so painful. Do you have any advice for me?
Dear Jenn*, We are so sorry for your loss and pain!
We too know the devastation of miscarriage.
We are glad you found us, and reached out.
Perhaps in some small way we can help.
I remember when I had my miscarriage it seemed
like everyone was pregnant and having an easy
time of it. Worse yet, I knew people who were
unhappy about being pregnant. It all seemed
so unfair! What helped me was: 1) having someone
to talk to who knew about miscarriage first hand.
Someone who knew what I was feeling/thinking
without even having to say it... it was also
great that this friend of mine had gone on to
have two beautiful children. This gave me hope.
2) a special bracelet that my friend gave me
(you can find them and the story about them on
OurHopePlace.com)
I still wear my bracelet.
I use it to make myself think positive thoughts.
3) crying in the shower - really, I cried every
day in the shower for 4 months 4) trying to be
kind to me, and give myself time to grieve...
miscarriage is a real loss, one that needs to
be grieved for 5) each day I forced myself to
do one "normal" thing - everyone so wanted me to
get back to normal (huh?) but I tried -- at
first it was just "going through the motions"
Everyone grieves in their own way. Find what
works for you... Feel free to visit our blog
and post, or write to us again. I hope maybe this
helped a little. May you find peace and happiness.
-Sharon
* named changed
From an email sent to Our Hope Place.
In 2002 I suffered two miscarriages and I
totally blamed myself. I was angry at everyone and then I was
depressed because I saw other happy families and wished that my children were
still there. My husband did everything to try to comfort me but I was
just going through life day by day not really caring and just hiding how
I truly felt. Now it is 2008 and I am 40 years old and still ache to
hold a child of our own.
From an email sent to Our Hope Place.
After going through 5 miscarriages, with no answers as to why,
it is hard to find peace. Your website is a wonderful idea,
I wish some of my friends would have checked it out.
I know they mean well, but none of them have been through
this and they just don't understand the grief and the pain.
From an email sent to Our Hope Place.
i had a miscarriage 4 days ago and i had never expected this would happen to me.
i have three children and this baby would have been my 4th child i was
very excited when i found out i was pregnant and now the day before
this happen i had a name for the baby if it turn out to be a girl i was
sitting on my bed with my seven year old daughter and we were looking
at a pregnancy magazine together and i told her that i came up with the
name for the baby it was anastasie she told me that would be hard to
pronounce and i told her that the baby’s nickname can be lillie both
my girls were very excited and they called their dady and told him. and
now for the past four days all i can do i cry i can’t hardly eat or sleep.
i cannot be a mother to my children i feel so empty and feel this is
just a bad dream. i feel like this is a joke when i go to the doctor
she will tell everything is fine but i know it is just wishfull thinking.
i was about 7weeks pregnant when this happen to me i do not know how to
go on with my life and i am not ready to go back to work. i feel like i need time off to work this out.
From an email sent to OurHopePlace.com
My name is Susan* and I just had a miscarriage at twenty months. They called it ” a fetal demise” because it was so late in the pregnancy.
After all of the testing they were not sure why it happened. It was not because of chromosmal issues or infection. They did not have a reason based on science. “Maybe my age, they said” I am; however 37….still young.
We have a beautiful two year old girl. I so badly, wanted this baby because I knew after two children I would be done. This miscarriage was a blow. At any month it is tough, but at five months even tougher. The bond you have with that baby grows daily, therefore, a five months that bond is very strong.
I have a wonderful friend who is very supportive. I received the hope bracelet and put in on at once. I am still sad, angry, grieving and at a loss for any words but I still have hope. This bracelet will be a strong reminder for what I already have, what I lost and what I hope to have.
Thanks for listening and keep hoping.
(*name changed for privacy)
After reading this article in the New York Times -(thanks Andrea for sending it – www.MyTimeForMe.com ) I had a question – “Life Without Children -How do you reach that decision?”
HEALTH | June 10, 2008
Facing Life Without Children When It Isn’t by Choice
By KAREN BARROW
A growing online community helps women cope with the many facets of infertility.
I give a lot of credit and heartache to Pamela & Alex Tsigdinoses, the couple spotlighted in the article. After many years of tests and fertility treatments, they decided to be childless. I thought this article really talked about the important steps in getting to their decision and how to personally deal with the “mourning” that comes with such a decision. And a big “hug” for Pamela for starting a blog to talk about her journey (www.Coming2Terms.com). Sometimes it just helps to “talk” about it. Sharon & I can relate & wanting to “talk” about miscarriage is what drove us to starting www.ourhopeplace.com and this blog.
Laura
Please join us for our Ladies Who Launch summer networking event!
When: Tuesday, July 8th, 2008
Time: 6 PM cocktails & h’doeurvres
7 PM speaker Ann Buivid & Linda O’Shaughneasy of Artemis woman
Place: Fairfield History Museum
370 Beach Road, Fairfield, CT
Cost: $30 (non-members, free for members)
To purchase tickets: please call 203-292-3834 or email rhendrix@ladieswholaunch.com
Speaker/subject: Join us to hear how Ann and Linda, co-founder and CFO of Artemis Women, share ow they turned an idea for a wellness company into a multi-million dollar profitable business in 3 years, while obtaining over $2 million in financing from angel investors. In 2002, Ann and her partner left their corporate careers and founded Artemis Woman, LLC. Ann has been featured in USA Today and Business Week. Don’t miss what they have to share about scaling up a business past the $1 Million level, and the challenges in raising necessary capital.
Catered by ZEST
Hope to see you there!
